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Mark

 

Dang, a nap sounds good! been awake since 4 am

Mark

 

Thats just crazy Mark, you need a nap.

Troy got off at 8 this morning. Graves suck...

 

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Mark

 

I'd work graves for a premium!

Mark

 

if I nap now, I'll miss the party!

Mark

 

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time ( weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice," I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender payed the $1000, and asked the little man," what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?"
The man replied," I work for the IRS."

Mark

 

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused.

A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting
drunk?"

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So what happened that's so horrible?

Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.

Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So what happened then?

Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.

Man: and then?

Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.

Man: Again?

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?

Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.

Man: and then?

Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.

Man: Hmmm...

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do?

Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.....

HAHAHA!

Mark

 

Hehehe! Good one! Mark

 

A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself.

The main replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said "The Gold Dust Twins are coming," and I had to smile.

"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Sloan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had to grin.


"Then she placed herself under a sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly control myself.

"BUT...when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident," I laughed out loud."

"Case Dismissed!" said the Judge.

 

welcome Back Bill!


Mark

 

those are good Mark!!!

 

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account right now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank."

So saying, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her situation. They both return and the manager asks the old geezer, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no damn problem," the man says, "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see," says the manager, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

 

Thank You! Mark

 

YouTube - Wife Prank Gone Wrong

Thought this was funny. Some language in it.