Ive never hit anything cause Ive never drove

 

a drunk midget on crutches crossing the road...luckily was hurt too bad.

 

you have never ever in your life drove???

i learnt how to drive when i was 9 or 10 years old... maybe younger then that.....

then again.... i guess im in a small town with logging roads and a big back feild to spin doughnuts and races around in... lots of fun... except no real good speed cause you bounce to much and end up lifting the wheels off the ground and loosing that traction....

ohh the funniest one at the time was....

i was 12 or so years old, and i had left my cresent wrench up at a gravel pit[up shooting and had droped the wrench getting out of the truck]

so the next day, after my pops got off work, i had him drive me up there... and we get on the mnt. road... and we are doing about 35 or 40, since its all paved up to just before the gravel pit... and theres either a chicken or a up land game bird[grouse or phestant] and its sitting in the middle of the road... and it was a BEAUTIFUL bird... so my dad speeds up to kill it with the bumper...[wanted the feathers for tieing flys]

and well we get up within inches of hitting the thing and it takes off for flight....

long story short... we hit it with one of our tires and litterally squished the sh!+ out of the bird... along with the eyes and brains....the old man picked it up by the legs and the eyes where just hanging there.... he said OPPS picked a handfull of feathers and tossed the rest onto the creekbank....

ok... so it wasnt that funny... but yea...

 

Dude,I have driven in parking lots just not on a public road for along time,I have driven since 9.

 

I backed over a brand new $5,000 tuba.

 

That's no excuse- By the time I was 8, I had ripped the barn door off it's hinges with the tractor, and had slid the rear of a truck sideways into a fence post trying to get it unstuck.

 

I hit a Chevy once. About 10 years ago.

Last year, I hit a squirrel. Little guy comes out from the side of the road, sees me, then takes off trying to outrun me. Well, I'm not about to kill an innocent little squirrel, so I slow down. I see him finally make his way off the pavement, so I sped up a little. Then, I felt a little bump. I guess the little guy ran back under my truck as he was beside me, because in my rearview, I saw a squirrel with a flattened head.

 

Poor Squirrel.

 

both of these were while driving work trucks { semi's } . came around a corner in wisc on a state route and hit a big f-ing moose with a cabover ih . it hurt !!!!!!!!! was driving locally many years ago going through a " bottoms on a state route going to a quarry when a deer tried to jump from one side of the hill to the other that the road passed through and i hit him . he slid up the hood and into the passenger compartment with me kicking and carrying on . christian county deputy had to come out and put the deer down before he could even write the report .

 

brand new truck, brand new wilson trucker 5000 CB antenna.
first day, less than 1 hour out of the yard, and a dang pigeon flew out from under a bridge, rite into the antenna.

it cut that dang bird clean in half, with 1/2 going over the center median into the windshield of a car, and the other 1/2 going back and splattering all over the goose-neck of the brand new still unused lowboy trailer.

i had a full 12 hour day to do before i could get back to clean the dang pigeon guts and crap off the trailer.

it took the better part of 2 hours to get all the crap off it too. and it bent the antenna so bad, i had the replace the mast.

 

No joke, birds can leave a freakin mess behind. I hit my umpteeth one today going out to my folks, and now I have a long line of guts marching up the windshield. It must have been a dove or something small because it kinda popped when it hit, crows usually stay together a bit more. I hate taking them in the windshield, always makes me jump even when I see it coming.

A friend of mine had a prarie chicken of some kind (the pics only showed blood, guts, and gooey clumps of feathers) go right through the winshield of her Tahoe. I don't know how it hit that hard, but there was about an 1.5" hole right in the middle of the 2ft star.

 

I happen to live in osceola county which happens to be famous for osceola gobblers if
you don't hunt you may not know it but these are some big freakin birds!! Turkeys to
be exact. Well one morning it was just getting to the point where you needed to put
on your sunglasses and I am doing about 60mph or so and off on the shoulder I see a
nice size turkey of undetermined sex and it took flight and made a few flaps then it hit
the nose on the Ford class 8 dump truck I was driving then it flapped it's wings when it
should have just glided and that left wing hit the hood and it rolled up and into the
windsheild and I have broken a few windshields and never seen one like this from a single
hit. I couldn't see out of except in one little spot on the top!! I went to the next road
turned around to see if I could find my kill and the sucker was gone, I drove all the way
back to the shop standing up looking through the only part of it that wasn't shattered.

 

yea buddy!! them there gobblers are a scary sight in front of the windshield when you are doing 60!!
many years ago we were going fly fishing on one of Jerseys better trout streams, and a gobbler flew in front of the van. dang thing took up the whole windshield, and we though we were dead meat. the driver of the van locked up the brakes, spilling all of us in the back up to the front, as the birds feet tapped the glass.


one of the better bird stories was with a dove.

i was at my Friends bus garage when one of the buses came in after a run from Philly. there was a dove stuck in the grill. the driver said she hit it as she was leaving Philly, but thought it went under and out.

well, this bird rode home against the radiator. half the feathers were gone, and the skin side against the radiator was half cooked. but the dang bird was still alive, and when one of the kids tossed it up into the air, it half-*** flew away about 200 yards into the side of the barn.
where it proceeded to fall into the pigpen and get eaten.

 

I hit a llama last year. It was used in nativity scenes at a local church during Christmas time. He had been missing for a few days according to the owner. I guess I was the lucky SOB that found him. He didn't make it, the poor soul.....My truck got a new grill, hood, and windshield..

 

I've hit small a couple of small birds over the years.

My hairdresser, on the other hand, hit a kitchen sink. Yup, that's right. As she tells the story, she wasn't able to see it until too late, when she turned right onto a side street.