> 1. Don't get in line asking questions about the
> food. 'Who made the
> potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens
> fresh? Is the meat in
> the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and
> cheese? What kind
> of pie is that? Who made it? Ask one more question
> and I will punch you
> in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you
> won't be able to eat
> anything!
>
> 2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit
> your *** down until
> someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not
> the time for you to
> be independent. Nibble on them damn pecans and
> walnuts to hold you over
> until someone makes you a plate!
>
> 3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will
> escort their little
> asses to the basement and bring their food down to
> them. They are not
> gonna tear my damn house up this year. Tell them
> that they are not
> allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie
> to start telling
> family stories about their mommas and papas. If they
> come upstairs for
> any reason except for that they are bleeding to
> death, I will break a
> foot off in their asses!
>
> 4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving
> dinner! JUST ONE! We
> do not care that you are thankful that your 13 year
> old daughter gave
> birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out
> of jail. Save that
> talk for somebody who gives a damn. The time limit
> for the prayer is one
> minute. If you are still talking after that one
> minute is up, you will
> feel something hard come across your lips and they
> will be swollen for
> approximately 20 minutes.
>
> 5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up
> for seconds! If you
> don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your
> greedy *** home
> next year!
>
> 6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch
> you fixing yourself a
> plate in my good Tupperware knowing damn well that I
> will never see it
> again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything
> over, don't let me
> catch you making a plate period or it will be a
> misunderstanding.
>
> 7. What you came with is what you should leave
> with!! Do not leave my
> house with anything that doesn't belong to you.
> Don't let me catch you
> rolling in a Coleman cooler to take more than your
> share. EVERYBODY WILL
> BE SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT
> OF MY DOMAIN!!!
>
> 8. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from
> house to house.
> This is not a DAYCARE CENTER ! There will be a
> kid-parent roll call
> every ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at
> the time of roll
> call, your child will be put outside until you come
> and get him or her.
> After 24 hours, I will call CPS on your ignorant
> ***!!
>
> 9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!!
> There will be no
> sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat
> dinner and take your
> *** home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICK
> THE HELL OUT AT
> 11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell
> ring.
>
> 10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This
> is not a soup
> kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until
> Christmas dinner! You
> will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything
> over the
> appropriate amount will be charged to you before you
> leave. There will
> be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin
> Alfred and his greedy
> *** family, we now have a credit card machine! So
> VISA and MASTERCARD
> are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS
> CARDS YET!

 

Wow. If you need all those rules maybe you should start celebrating Thanksgiving with someone else.

 

hahaha! Thanks for the good chuckle.

 

I think Im gona print that out and put it on my fridge when the relatives come over.

 

This must be for a cafeteria-style thanksgiving dinner

 

Full contact Thanksgiving! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout! You gonna serve that dinner in an octagon cage? I'm in! Sounds like you got it all goin' on. Violence, child abuse, cops...should be a real hoot! Nothing warms my heart more than to see guests wearing their dinner. You go, guy!

 

Yea!

FOOOOOD FIIIIIGHT!!!

 

Remember the mash potatos?
"I'm a pimple". Love that movie.

Ben, this year i'm in Hayward instead of S.F. on buzzard day your safe.
Where's my bier?

 

It's being processed, as we speak.

Carl, have a good T-giving day.

And don't forget; bier bier and more bier.

 

Thank you Ben and all the FTE members, have a safe holiday.

Remember FTE members you only have to put up with the inlaws and
outlaws once a year so no punching out uncle Hank or big mouth Betty.
I like it when we go to one of the wifes uncles house as we'll end up in the
garage talking about his 67 Mustang coupe, 289 auto. Been told it's willed to the wife and I.
Sad part tomorrow my son at 16 will get all 4 wisdom teeth pulled, boy will he
be a cranky person to be around.
"Me Put To Bed"

 

Heard this the other morning on one of the local hip-hop stations.

 

now it all makes sense.....

 

Thanks for the good laugh. I'll have to print it out and put it on the door at my grandparents house.

Happy Thanksgiving