The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time
we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern
where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." "Yes, she
says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do
it for old time's sake?"
" Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and,
having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these
two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so
there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support
aided by walking sticks.

Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the
fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As
she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt
into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on
for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and
screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and
old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple
struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The Policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly
amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple
passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You
must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to
this?"

Shaking the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't
an electric fence."

 

definately the best one i've heard in a while!!!! lmfao

 

Another good one Colin.

An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day.
He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.
He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the
hitch rail.
As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a
gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of
whiskey in the other. The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed,
saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at the
gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to."
A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well, you old fool,
you're gonna' dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The
old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the
gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to
go back into the saloon. The old man reached up on the mule, drew his
shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The
gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as
the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the
shotgun. The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule's butt ? The
gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No. But I've always wanted to."

 

lol...good one Morris!!!!

 

That's a good one Morris!!!!

 

Here`s another one...

An Alberta cowboy driving down Crowchild Trail in Calgary,

.. sees a sign in front of a restaurant that reads:

Happy Hour Special...

Lobster Tail and Beer

$ 9.95

" Lord almighty " he says to himself, " my three favorite things !! "

 

haha... awesome!!!

 

The Poetry Contest

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a
redneck from Buford County. They were given a word, then allowed two
minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the
word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu."

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought.
The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three ladies of the evening in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

The redneck won hands down!

 

oh spit...i like that one.!!!!!

how's this...





the old lady has been bugging gramps for a car a lot lately, and last night she walks in the room and says, "i want something that'll go from 0-160 in about 5 seconds...he went to Wal-mart and got her a weight scale...

 

How is gramps, out of intensive care yet?

 

lol...you know how it goes...the older you get, the slower you heal...he may never live to see recovery...

 

Gramps may not want to.

 

lol...wonder where his false teeth ended up... ??

 

SEPARATE BEDROOMS

At 85 years of age, Wally married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old.
Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their
wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is
concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they
spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed
and the expected *knock* on the door. Sure enough the knock comes,
the door opens and there is Wally,her 85 year old groom, ready for
action. They unite as one. All goes well...

Wally takes leave of his bride,and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom
door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for ! more "action".

Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the
newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight
and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it- Wally is
back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-
old,ready for more "action". And,once Again they enjoy each other.

But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to
him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so
well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your
age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover,Wally."

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and asks, "You
mean I was here already?"

The moral of the story:
Senior moments have advantages.

 

nice one nathan...