I enjoy the humor in this Forum. We collectively have some real wisdom and some funny stories. "The Rules" can be serious or funny, but they should be actual experiences.

Serious: No Friends or Beer present when assembling the lower end of an engine....

Funny: Throwing the wrench will always bounce and hit something you care about.......

 

I guess I better bring back the forum constitution drafted by our Ferguson777 back in 2005. Note: It's not to be taken seriously.

Proposed Constitushon for the 48-60 truck forum
“to the people, by the people, for the people”

1. Never put meaningful titles on your new threads, it makes them too easy to find later when people really need the info, (assuming there is something useful in the
thread) and it clutters up the title bar. Vagueness increases their chance of being
highlighted in everyone’s searches – make you look prolific. Win, Win!

Subsection1.i - Complete absence of a subject header is acceptable/encouraged,
as it adds to the excitement of opening up the message, kinda like your
birthday but with even crappier gifts.

2. Never use words with more than two syllables. Folks in this forum don’t like to use word-books (dichunaries). Many don’t even own one. Some can’t even spell dichunary……

Subsection 2.i – Compound words also make the majority )with no more than Grade 9) feel inferior. In this new millennium, we need to respect dumber people’s feelings.

Subsection 2.ii - To make your brothers feel better, pick a really big word and constantly miss-use. Also see article 9 below as well.

3. Never put all the info you have in one reply. Go back later and add two or three more replies to finish your thoughts. It gets your message count up. The more messages you post, the fancier the rating you get under your user name - like “posting guru” even though you might be dumb as post, new members don’t realize this and think you know what you’re talking about and seek out your advice. It’s great for the ego. It also increases the chance that people that actually follow your instructions before you go back in and add that critical first step in the process you forgot to provide initially.

Subsection 3.i – Lack of knowledge on a subject should never stop you from replying to a request for information. If nothing else, it shows people that someone has read their note and this makes them feel better.

4. Never feed ‘fenders or get too close to his cage. Never get into a battle of wits with him either. For one thing – he’s not armed and for another, he has connections with the U.S. Army and can get you. (Picture a team of Navy Seals creeping into your house under dark of night.) This guy is scary – he’s fat, bald, his skin is white, almost translucent from sitting in front of his PC 20 hours a day. He has dark patches around his eyes…..just sits there in his boxers and open heeled slippers, faded wife-beater style undershirt and worn, dirty, old bathrobe…just 10 keystrokes and those Seals are there…..scary…

5. Try not to put more than two sentences of useful information in a post. However, be sure to pad it with at least 10 more sentences of humour or attacks on other peoples’ drivetrain or front suspension choices. (Attacks on peoples’ drivetrain choices should clearly be meant in jest as it is universally understand that a 351W with an AOD is the clearly superior choice for trucks of this vintage.) Most of us know how to fix our trucks, the real reason we’re here is because we don’t have any real friends and it’s better than spending time with the wife.

Subsection 5.i – Jokes regarding any individual’s alleged or actual transgressions with farmyard animals is strictly prohibited. This is a worldwide forum and there are too many participants from Iowa and Ireland. In this new millennium, we must be respectful of others’ cultures.

Subsection 5.ii – Use of smilies to signal humour are completely unnecessary. 5 minutes in this forum should make it clear we’re crazy and that nothing we say should be taken as true/useful/serious.

Subsection 5.iii – If you really feel compelled to offer useful advice, at least make up your own names for the components you’re referring to. That way, if they actually consult the manual, they won’t know what the heck you’re talking about and will hopefully request clarification. Once again – helps your message count.

6. Never spell-check your replies before you post them. It makes most participants feel smarter as they really thought that’s how those words were supposed to be spelt. If you have some **** need that words be spelt correctly, it’s better to go back in and edit it to do the corrections, the more times the better. Gets your message count up.

7. Never disrespect John Niolon. He is our resident scribe, the only professionally published participant in this forum. We worship him from afar and we secretly hope that if we suck up to him, he will one day mention our name in one of his published articles. Dis John and we’ll all turn on you. (Plus he’s my 3rd cousin and I drafted this constituchion so I can put whatever I want in here.)


8. Never mention the use of Ch*vy parts on your trucks. You can use Dodge but not Plymouth (sounds too girly) but NEVER Ch*vy. Trucks are manly things and deserve manly parts on them. (Think about it, how manly does Volare sound? But Dodge Charger – there’s a manly phrase! )

Subsection 8.i – International Harvester parts are not allowed either. They never even used their own parts anyway. They always used parts made by somebody else like Ch*v or Studebaker or Tucker or some other fringe automaker.

9. Punctuation is optional, but discouraged. Makes it too easy for folks to understand what you’re saying. If you must use punctuation, try to use it incorrectly. People don’t like to converse with people that have more schoolin’ than themselves. We were going to have a poll once to determine peoples’ level of education, but no one could spell - univercity/universalty/unifersity – college.

10. Always mention “48-60” and “Ford” in post at least once, so the moderator can’t delete it as unrelated to 48 – 60 Ford trucks.


11. Never brag about the HP your truck puts out; assuming it even has an engine it. ‘Rage has about 8,000 HP and 8,000 ft.lbs of torque and can kick your butt. And unlike most of us, his truck really does have a running engine in it.

12. Henceforth, clothing is no longer optional. (This applies particularly to ‘fenders and Earl.) There have recently been sightings of people of the female persuasion in this forum and since we all secretly think we’re studs, we need to look sharp so as to impress them with our manliness and rugged good looks, so they’ll want to run off with us and our trucks. Aftershave (applied externally) remains optional.

13. If you’re having personal problems don’t share them in here. Real men don’t talk about “feelings” and besides, if you don’t want your wife, what makes you think we would? It’s o.k. to talk about unemployment though cause that’s the govinrmints fault and slammin the govrinmint is manly.

14. Given the high percentage of Canadians in this forum, it is hereby decreed that all “or” words, henceforth will be spelled with “our”. I.E. colour, flavour, motour, tumour.

The thing I find funny is how much of this is still true!

 

Thanks Nathan and Ferguson777, we always can use some of this good humor to lighten the day.

 

Rule: open containers of dirty oil, solvents, used antifreeze, etc., have a pull stronger than gravity and attract all loose parts, sockets, wrenches, etc., particularly when laying on your back under the car.

Corollary: Any such container will get knocked over.

 

Corollary: What does that puter drawing program have to do with tools and stuff falling.

RULE: Any burning smells should be investigated by first looking at yourself when using a gas ax to disasemble stuff.

 

Any bolt, nut, or other small object accidentally dropped to the garage floor will automatically seek a hiding spot underneath a work bench, vehicle, or other place impossible to get to without getting down on all fours...

 

1 quart of fluid (tranny juice, engine juice, power steering juice, antifroze, etc) will immediately cover and entire 2 car garage floor. (on the bright side, now you can find all the small dropped nuts and the drain plug that you previously dropped)


Nathan, thanks for pulling up Fergies rules, they are awesome

Bobby

 

Once when I worked in a shop, the shop foreman told one of the helpers to fill the engine I was working on with motor oil(he didn't know I hadn't hooked up the suction line to the pan) Have you ever seen how big of a mess 5 gallons of motor oil makes on the shop floor I'm glad I was gone somewhere and didn't have to clean that one up.

 

Jeff,

Wow, that would be a huge mess....ugh

Here's another rule of life in the shop;

When you are welding on your truck, the welds that are going to be completely hidden from view will be the purtiest welds you will ever make, while the welds that are exposed for everyone to see will look like the remnants left behind by a flock of low flying Albatros

Bobby

 

Here's an even bigger mess, a 1966 M-35 multi fuel diesel motor requires 22 quarts. Once a new technician in the shop was doing an oil change on one and forgot to but the drain plug back in. He put all 22 quarts and did'nt even realize it untill he pulled the dip stick. I still keep in touch with him and tease him bout it from time to time. By the way he's become quite the mechanic over the years.

 

This wasn't much of a mess, but a funny site. Back when I first joined the military and was going through mechanics school we were out in the field on an exercise and one the new mechanics was trying to put oil in a jeep by pouring it down the dip stick tube. Well of course we didn't bother telling him so it took him about 25 minutes to put in one quart till we decided to give him a hand.

 

In the early 60s I was running a Texaco service station in Florida. I needed to hire some help and my wife insisted that I hire my idiot brother-in-law.

Reluctantly, I did so to keep the peace and figured even he could pump gas. The first day on the job he came to me with a problem. He said the dipstick (the car...not the brother-in-law) showed that the engine was a quart low but it would not hold the entire quart. I hurried out there to the car where he had the hood up and found that he had an open quart of oil with the spout sitting in the power steering reservoir. I explained where the oil was supposed to go and he finished putting the rest of the oil in the engine (about half a quart). I put the cap back on the PS reservoir and the customer drove off none the wiser. I never heard anything further from the customer (a tourist) so I don't know how far he got or if he ever figured out what happened. That was my brother-in-law's first and last day on the job...

 

OK, this isn't exactly a "rule", but...this was told to me by a co-worker long ago.

Back in the '60's, Albuquerque gas stations used to have separate pumps for white gas, which (for you youngsters) is an unleaded petroleum product used in camp stoves and even some home stoves back in the day. My friend was a pump jockey at a Clark station on Route 66 near downtown Albuquerque.

So one summer Saturday night, a black guy who had clearly been drinking, pulls in in a Caddy convertible with a carload of girls. He pulls up to the white gas pumps instead of the Regular pumps. He yells "Fill 'er up" to my friend. Friend says, "Sure, but you'll have to pull up to that other island, this one is only for white gas". As soon as he said it, he knew he was in trouble!!

You can imagine the fracas that ensued, this being the times of the civil rights protests, etc. The police became involved.....

 

Now I don't care who you are...that's funny right there...

 

Rule of thumb: When asking friends for help on a difficult project, serve the beer after the project is completed.