A couple has a dog who snores. . . Really snores.

Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's privates and he will stop snoring.

"Yeah right!" she says. A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's privates.

Sure enough, the dog stops snoring!

The woman is amazed!

Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's jewels.

Amazingly, it also works on him. The woman sleeps soundly.

He wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's *********. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were, or, what we did, but, we took first and second place."



Here's another good Dog story:

A guy has a sign out in front of his house that says "Talking Dog for Sale $10" !!

A couple walking by cant resist this so they walk up & knock on the door..

A guy answers the door & they ask whats up with the talking Dog? Can we hear him talk? Sure the guy says & calls the dog over.

The dog comes to the door & starts talking to the couple. First he explains that he was trained by the military to speak English & such. Then the CIA picked him up to help with spying & listening in on terrorists & then the DEA used him to sniff out Drugs & listen in on the dealers next moves. Eventually the police used him for training police dogs..

The young couple couldnt believe their ears so they asked the owner again "How much for this dog"?? He replied $10 like the sign says!! They were like thats unbelieveable!! $10 for a talking dog?? Why so cheap?? The owner replies: "That dogs a freakin liar!! He never did any of that sheit!"

 

Good ones, keep em coming and when I find some good jokes I`ll post some too.

 

That first one really cracked me up!

 

Come on preppy, time for you to throw a joke or two in here soon.

 

I wish i knew some, im just not that funny of a guy!

 

Preppy, check out afew web sites, I`m sure you`ll find lots....

 

That almost sounds like work though morris

 

Not for long, it only takes afew minutes so do it NOW!

 

I have got some:

PRISON VS WORK

Just in case you ever get these two
environments mixed up, this should
make things a little bit clearer.



@ PRISON @ WORK
You spend most of your time in a 10X10 cell


@ PRISON you spend most of your
time in an 6X6 cubicle


@ WORK
You get three meals a day, fully paid for



@ PRISON you get a break for
one meal and
You have to pay for it

@ WORK
For good behavior, you get time off

For good behavior, you
get more work


@ PRISON

The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you





@ PRISON @ WORK

You must carry a
security card
And open all the doors
yourself



@ WORK
You can watch TV and play games




@ PRISON you could get fired for
watching

TV and playing games


@ WORK
You get your own toilet






@ PRISON you have to share the
toilet with

People who pee on
the seat


@ WORK
They allow your family and friends to visit



@ PRISON you aren't even supposed
to speak
To your family


@ WORK
All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required







@ PRISON you must pay all your
expenses to go

To work, and they deduct
taxes from
Your salary to pay
for prisoners



@ WORK
You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out you spend most of your
time wanting
To get out and go
inside bars


@ PRISON

You must deal with sadistic wardens @ WORK

They are called
"managers"

 

cool jokes. this is going to ruin our longest thread possibilities though...

 

Pictures speak louder than words....

 

I could lock this thread to redirect jokes to the other thread....Or merge the two.
But I won`t, after all how many dog jokes is there.

 

Whoa...forgot about this one.