It's that time of year again.

and just so the new people who haven't read it yet ..get a chance.

Here you go....... "My Favourite Christmas Story"



Christmas with Louise

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning,although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed,his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses
and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those
things at Walmart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've
never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I
was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're
kidding me! " and"Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll
section. I wanted to buy a standard,uncomplicated doll that could also substitute
as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush
hour.Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many
different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box,
could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for
Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise
a"doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone,I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away,then come back and bark some more.We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked.
My brother quickly explained,"It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued."Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said , trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I?

It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance
saying, "Hang on Granny! Hang on!" My grandfather, a delightful old man
with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, " Hey, who's the naked gal by
the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I
noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but
actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's
last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about
who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the
morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.
The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees,and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decided the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately,thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health. Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies.I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.

 

Oh man, that is a hilarious story. Thanks for sharing. LMAO......

 

Thats one funny story. Thanks for the laugh.

 

Always a good read.I need to let my buddys see this.Great holiday cheer.

 

put that to music and you've got a classic up there with "G,ma got run over by a reindeer"

 

Good one Dennis.
Had me laughing. Thanks for posting it!

 

That's amazing... Good times, no doubt about that. Reminds me of many of my own.

Ryan

 

Wow, just wow.

 

My favorite TRUE STORY is about a truck driver and his wife who had no children of their own. He lived over near Catlettsburg,Ky. He drove a Red Western Star with a tri-axle Coal Dump trailer. But every year, He & his wife would play Sants & Mrs. Claus for the local orphanange. A few years ago, he told me that there was a boy who would not behave, do what he was told, or anything. The other kids and some of the staff kept telling this fella that if he did not behave, he was getting a chunk of coal for Christmas! Well, Dec.23rd, The Driver got a phone call letting them know how the kids were behaving. Of course this little feller was not doing good at all! He told them not to worry, He'd take care of it! Christmas Eve night, Santa & Mrs. Claus Arrived! A girl looked out the window and yelled at the bad boy!
MARK!!!,,,, YOU'RE IN TROUBLE !!!!! SANTA DIDN'T BRING YOU A CHUNK OF COAL,,,,,HE BROUGHT YOU THE WHOLE TRUCK!!!!! The boy looked out the window in horror! YOU WASN'T JOKING!!! But the end of this tale is,,, the little boy was adopted by the new young DEPUTY SHERRIFF & his New BRIDE! Oh, The little boy now behaves,,,, in THE MARINE CORPS.! TRUE STORY!

 

Toooo funny!