HEY! Wut done made that biggole hole in ya back deck?

Oh that - you member Joe-Don? Boy with the camarra he thunk was all that and a mess o fries on the side?

Yep. Ain't seen hide ner hair of himmer his car fer a while tho...

Yep. Thattair is cause he was a-showin off the nitrous shot he done plumbed inta it over here of a evenin last month. & at righttair is whar the right side cylinder haid come down when she blowed...

 

Howdee! Mine Ah set a spell?
how about an entire conversation in 4 words:
"Jajeetjet?"
"najoo?"
"Jawaana?"
"shurnuff!"

 

just got me sum microsoft winders.....

 

The conversation above is between two southerners making dinner plans in case you couldn't translate it.

 

M r duks

M ain dux

M R 2 Ducs

Yaller crazyr'n she-!t!

lookit yer boot, whatsat?

Hotdamn son, yalls rite!

M R DUKS!!

 

Here are a few that come to my mind:

Gimmiem

Plars

Afar

Blistern

Tar

Usage:

Gimmiem plars.
Translated: Please hand me that pair of pliers.

The woodpiles afar and it's blistern'!
Translated: Oh my! The woodpile is on fire and it is very hot!

I gotta flat tar!
Translated: Dang it! I have a flat tire.

 

We tarted ta go ta town ta git a tottie toeda...

 

"WE sho-nuff bold 'em tars..."
(Cooking off some rubber at the drag strip)

"BOIL them tars..."
(Burn out...)

"DITCHAGITCHASUM?"
(Did you win?)

"Aintenny sorry..."
(NO excuses...)

"Gittitterdangit"
(no explanation required)

"She blowed, ennatsracin'..."

 

'atair story 'bout the tree rat is a gud-un... gotta tell mommanim 'bout it

from the home of the Alabama Gang

john

 

This thread's slicker dan coon crap in a rainstorm!

 

"Yer KICKER BROKE? I said is yor KICKER BROKE?
Well if it ain't broke, branger on down and SEE if you kin kick my butt with it then...
I'll be waitin' on ya!"

 

if this here thread aint kilt over yet then I reckon id be awright to clude dis

20 Ways to Know You're a True Alabamian...
>
> 1. You can properly pronounce Conecuh, Cahaba, Opelika, Sylacauga,
> Oneonta, and Eufaula.
>
> 2. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are
> sissies.
>
> 3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look
> for
> a funnel.
>
> 4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by
> the
> distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.
>
> 5. Stores don't have bags or shopping carts, they have sacks and buggies.
>
> 6. You've seen people wear bib overalls at funerals.
>
> 7. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
>
> 8. You measure distance in minutes.
>
> 9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.
>
> 10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
>
> 11. You know cowpies are not made of beef.
>
> 12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding
> date.
>
> 13. You have known someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist.
>
> 14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait
> all in the same store.
>
> 15. A Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Extended Bed
> Crew Cab is.
>
> 16. You know everything goes better with Ranch Dressing.
>
> 17. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
>
> 18. You actually get these jokes and are "fixin' " to send them to your
> friends.
>
> 19. You have used your heater and air-conditioner in the same day.
>
> Finally:
> You are 100% Alabamian if you have ever had this conversation:
> 20. "You wanna coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr Pepper."

 

And jus fo the womenfolk

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Grits
Eggs
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with Momma's homemade jelly


Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Charleston</st1lace></st1:City> (Chawl'stn)
<st1:City w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Savannah</st1lace></st1:City> (S'vanah)
<st1:City w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Fort Worth</st1lace></st1:City> (Foat Wuth)
<st1:City w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">New Orleans</st1lace></st1:City> (N'awlins)
<st1:City w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Atlanta</st1lace></st1:City> (Addlanna)

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler, of course!

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the four deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Wearing too much makeup in the summer
___________________________
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit,
and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
_________________________
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
______________________________
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
______________________________
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
___________________________

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
_______________________________
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term,
but they know the concept well.
______________________________
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
____________________________
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece."
They also know that "just down the road" can be one mile or 20.
____________________________
Only a Southerner both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
__________________________
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
_________________________
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
__________________________
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
________________________
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
________________________
In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
_________________________
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
________________________
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_________________________
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
______________________
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots
of it – we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
_______________________
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.
You just say, "Bless her heart" .. and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
____________________________
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, .. Bless your hearts,
I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
___________________________
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads:

"I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
___________________________________
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !

Now...... Shugah, send this to some girls and boys who were raised in the South or wish they had been!

If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart . . .fake it.
We know you got here as fast as you could!

 

Out of the ash bin , I add to this . Snuff , Copenhagen ,pocket ring ,nuff said . Be careful y'all !

 

Airsanuthern fayya.... Yep.

Y'betcha


I have often wondered if the heat in the south is the reason why southernese seems to some folk like a lazy way of pronouncing (pranuncifying?) the english language. That when you have been alternately frizz solid, and done to a turn 'nuff times the extra letters in words just don't seem to matter anyhow... There just isn't that much energy left over.

And so we don't dance, we shuffle. When we plan on doing a thing we first got to "Git up some gitty up". This is of course similar to the concept of "FIXIN TO" do a thing...

Where the northern (or YANK or Carpet bagger, or etc...) breed tend to walk down a road we all "Ease on down the street" which is the most economical and energy conservative fashion of doin' the same thang.

Because there rilly ain't no tellin' just how much a southern boy or gal may have reduced they own calorie stores just by surviving, it is considered improper or shortsighted to fix foods based on a "PORTIONING" method, which is why we make things in "MESSES" or "WHOLE MESSES" in quantity, rather than assuming that the bitty lapels on the side of a can that talks all about Recommended Daily Allowances has any basis in reality. If'n "Y'EAT" too much - you better off in the mornin', as it puts you to the good when the noon day sun come around to make a poke roast out of ya... Far as anybody I know is concerned, the "RDA" stands for "RELIEF Dietary Allowance", and it is what you got before yore food stamp card run out.

In a practical sense - that which don't kill us outright can be ET. Some folk just eat the chops and fatback, a real southern boy er gal can make somethin' out of the whole PIG - including HOG MAW, PIGS FEET, CHITLINS and so on. The bones go inta the garden for the 'maters to grow - we know what causes brown spotting on tomato bottoms, it's a calcium deficit. Thow 'em in there...

Worms gotta eat, same as a revenuer.

WE are the folk that invented fried poke rind - I GUARANTEE YA!!!


~ and I really think that Philipino people must be at least nine tenths southern folk in they own right, because I once asked a man in the Philipine Islands what he thought was the best kind of woman to marry, and he said: "One who know how to use every part of a chicken..."

I thought that was a real fine way to put it.


PS: Brandon - you fergot Blytheville, which is pronounced: "BLAHVLE"