A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest.
They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers.
These were voted the top ten quotes in corporate America:

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards.
Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data.
It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day!
We've been working on it for months.
Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year.
He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

 

or when i was in the Navy "we are on a tight budget, we don't have the funds for the security upgrades we need."

then a few days later "we have $12000 we need to spend or we will lose it on next years budget, you and Petty Officer so and so figure out what we can spend it on and get back with me"

words of my Master Chief

 

I was bidding on a contract to supply computer maintenance services to an Army base. One of the specs read, "Supplier will respond to trouble calls on a 24 hour/7-day basis. Responding supplier technicians must check in at the DP office before going to equipment site. The DP office is open Monday through Friday, 0800 to 1700".