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More Random Thoughts
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Post Fiend
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 24,418
Likes: 3
From: San Francisco, Ca.
More Random Thoughts
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world was a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up,
he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world was a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up,
he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
Thread Starter
|
Post Fiend
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 24,418
Likes: 3
From: San Francisco, Ca.
Even More Random Thoughts
Meanness don't just happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.
Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
Our necessities never equal our wants
-- Benjamin Franklin
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
– Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
--Thomas Jefferson
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.
Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
Our necessities never equal our wants
-- Benjamin Franklin
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
– Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
--Thomas Jefferson
Thread Starter
|
Post Fiend
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 24,418
Likes: 3
From: San Francisco, Ca.
The Computer Swallowed Grandma
The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.
In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online'.
So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy', 'Scan' and 'Paste her
And send her back to me!
"author, unknown"
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.
In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online'.
So, if inside your 'Inbox,'
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy', 'Scan' and 'Paste her
And send her back to me!
"author, unknown"
Laughing Gas
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,139
Likes: 4
From: Maine
Originally Posted by sierraben
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 2,223
Likes: 2
From: Billings Montana
If a person with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If you tied a piece of buttered bread to a cat's back and threw it off the counter, which way would it land?
If I spill detergent on the floor, is it clean or dirty?
If you write a book about failure and it succeed's, are you a success or a failure?
If you tied a piece of buttered bread to a cat's back and threw it off the counter, which way would it land?
If I spill detergent on the floor, is it clean or dirty?
If you write a book about failure and it succeed's, are you a success or a failure?
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