Mechanics Tool Guide
Thread Starter
|
Posting Guru
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,321
Likes: 0
From: Western Colorado USA
Mechanics Tool Guide
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing such item as; leather seats, motorcycle jackets, plastic oil cans.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or ½ socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL BRUSH: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a car to the ground after you have installed new front disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a
hydraulic jack.
PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.
TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile
strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to
disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN ½ x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.
BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under automobiles at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds them off.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses ½ inch too short.
MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing such item as; leather seats, motorcycle jackets, plastic oil cans.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.
WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or ½ socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.
WIRE WHEEL BRUSH: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a car to the ground after you have installed new front disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.
EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a car upward off a
hydraulic jack.
PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for
spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.
E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.
TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile
strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to
disconnect.
CRAFTSMAN ½ x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.
BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.
AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under automobiles at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and rounds them off.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses ½ inch too short.
Mountain Pass
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 144
Likes: 0
From: Sandy USA
Mechanics Tool Guide
I like your list but the one thing I did not see was a refrigerator for the cold beverages for stress control when those universal parts don't fit and never will no matter how much trimming bang and &$%#@
Negotiations don't work
John Workman
76 F250 Crew Cab Short Bed
4x4 460 C6 Dana 60 F/R
Jsworkman@mybluelight.com
Negotiations don't work
John Workman
76 F250 Crew Cab Short Bed
4x4 460 C6 Dana 60 F/R
Jsworkman@mybluelight.com
New User
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 0
Likes: 24
Mechanics Tool Guide
Alan, Even though you have to be the funniest guy here onFTE, You missed one or two.
Needlenose or mechanics pliers:
These two tools double as an wire stripper (that was lost somewhere near the trailer or back of the truck).
Without proper use,they can inflict muliple attempts of stripping the insulation off a piece of wire until that wire is too short to use and then needs replacing.
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/2cents.gif
[font color=red]Dennis
FTE Assistant Administrator
[/font]
[link: motorhaven.autoanything.com|How YOU Can Support This Site]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/canada_flag_animated.gif
[link:www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Mil1ion.html|My Website,"North Of The 49th"]
[link:www.ford-trucks.com/guidelines.html|Club FTE]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Minimorleytruck.JPG
[font color=blue]78 F-150 429CJ,Silver,Explorer Pkg.
64 1/2 Mustang Pre-World's Fair Car #8092
68-Mustang 289 2v-Sunlit Gold
[/font]
Needlenose or mechanics pliers:
These two tools double as an wire stripper (that was lost somewhere near the trailer or back of the truck).
Without proper use,they can inflict muliple attempts of stripping the insulation off a piece of wire until that wire is too short to use and then needs replacing.
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/2cents.gif
[font color=red]Dennis
FTE Assistant Administrator
[/font]
[link: motorhaven.autoanything.com|How YOU Can Support This Site]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/canada_flag_animated.gif
[link:www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Mil1ion.html|My Website,"North Of The 49th"]
[link:www.ford-trucks.com/guidelines.html|Club FTE]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Minimorleytruck.JPG
[font color=blue]78 F-150 429CJ,Silver,Explorer Pkg.
64 1/2 Mustang Pre-World's Fair Car #8092
68-Mustang 289 2v-Sunlit Gold
[/font]
Posting Guru
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,306
Likes: 0
From: Bryan/College Station
Mechanics Tool Guide
Ya know I just happen to have a few of those specia;ty tools.
p.s. you forgot band-aides!
BROKEBRONCO
p.s. you forgot band-aides!
BROKEBRONCO
Trending Topics
Posting Legend
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 30,255
Likes: 37
Mechanics Tool Guide
Naw, them hammers be Generic Machine wrenches! -hehe
Bandaids are a good inclusion, a little neater than paper towels and McGyver tape! The only problem is stocking them big enough...
Bandaids are a good inclusion, a little neater than paper towels and McGyver tape! The only problem is stocking them big enough...
Posting Guru
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,217
Likes: 0
From: Yelm Washington usa
Mechanics Tool Guide
You forgot the universal parts hanger, anchor point, bumper(we hope) straightener. The big tree in the back yard with more scars on it than Carters little liver pills
Great list, I have never seen it explained like that.
dj
Great list, I have never seen it explained like that.
dj
Posting Guru
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,217
Likes: 0
From: Yelm Washington usa
Mechanics Tool Guide
The tree is on the corner of the lot and has all ofthe scars because it is the only thing that stops people who miss the cornerfrom ending up in the carport where I park. We have only been here for about two years. Honest Eric I do use a strap (4 inch wide).
Senior User
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 344
Likes: 0
From: Lancaster, So Carolina
Mechanics Tool Guide
Fantabulous.
This deserves to build for months.
Might I add:
SNAP RING PLIERS: First cousin of the often-first-used needle nose pliers, it is an effective launching device for horseshoe shaped clips into the UNKNOWN HARDWARE ZONE.
TELESCOPING MAGNET- used to fool user into false sense of readiness for retreiving items from the Unknown Hardware Zone. It is usually on hand only when plastic, aluminum, or stainless steel parts enter the ZONE.
Telescoping Mirror- often found in conjunction with the T-Magnet. Held in left hand while T- Magnet is in right (and Flashlight in Mouth). Useful for illuminating crevices full of road crud.
Midnite Cruiser
This deserves to build for months.
Might I add:
SNAP RING PLIERS: First cousin of the often-first-used needle nose pliers, it is an effective launching device for horseshoe shaped clips into the UNKNOWN HARDWARE ZONE.
TELESCOPING MAGNET- used to fool user into false sense of readiness for retreiving items from the Unknown Hardware Zone. It is usually on hand only when plastic, aluminum, or stainless steel parts enter the ZONE.
Telescoping Mirror- often found in conjunction with the T-Magnet. Held in left hand while T- Magnet is in right (and Flashlight in Mouth). Useful for illuminating crevices full of road crud.
Midnite Cruiser