A good masseuse leaves no stearn un-toned.

MR

 

Never admit defeat.
De fart - maybe,
but de feet don't stank...

 

Thanx alot for that one, there's figgin coffee all over my screen now!
What's that smell? poo finger?

 

Boy who go to bed with sex problem on mind, wake up with solution on hand.

Tim

 

Person who fart in church.... sit in own pew

 

i would take the time to write some but i gotta jam, and peanut butter.

 

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So, he says, "Mrs. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.


Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant.
"I mean, what the heck is this?"







The bank manager looks back at her and says,
"It's a knick knack, Patti Whack.
Give the frog a loan.
His old man's a Rolling Stone."

 

uggh that hurt, lol

 

plan to do something spontaneous,

tomorrow

 

A rope walks into a bar, and orders a drink. Bartender glares at him and says "We don't serve you kind here! Get out!"

So he goes outside, ties himself up and roughs up one of his ends. Goes back inside and orders again.

The bartender looks at him sidelong and growls "Hey! Aren't you that rope that I kicked outta here?"
>
>
>
>
>
Rope says, "No I'm a frayed knot".

 

A Doctor could not be everywhere he needed to be. He decided to clone himself so he could be more places at once. The clone worked very well for a time. For some reason the clone became very offensive & obnoxious. The Dr. had to do something to stop that since everyone thought it was himself being so obscene.

He decided that it could not be illegal to kill his own clone. So, he pushed the clone off of the roof of the hospital & killed it. He was later arrested for making an obscene clone fall.

 

A young man named Atie decided that he wanted to be a hitman. not being the brightest boy, he agrees to charge only one dollar for his first hit, seeing as how he was just starting. Upon locating his victem at the local grocery store, he realizes he forgot to bring a weapon. After proceeding to throttle his victem to death, Artie is stunned to see his victem has an identicle twin. Wanting to be sure, he proceeds to throttle him too. As he flees, he forgots where he parked and is soon arrested. The next day the newpaper headline reads........








ARTIE CHOKES 2 FOR A DOLLAR AT THE SUPERMARKET!!!

 

This thread is really pun!!!
Ed G

 

What do you call a vegitarian with diarrhea?
- a salad shooter!! HEE YUK YUK!

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist insomniac?
- he would lay in bed at night wondering if there really was a dog.

 

Did you hear about the man with muscular legs who was startled by his friend?


He was so fit he hit the chan......delier