Q: What do you call a jittery sorceress?

A: A "TWITCH"...

 

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?














Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

 

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...

 

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?






He didn't have the guts...

 

I resemble them remarks.

 

What is a Vampires favorite sport?
- Casketball.

Why did the Ghost haunt a liquor store?
- He didn't want to run out of boo's...

How do you fix a busted Jack O' Lantern?
- With a pumpkin patch...

A ghost and a skeleton were talking at the border between Mexico and Texas.
"They call me El Viento" said the ghost, "which means the wind."
"Really?" said the skeleton. "Folks just call me BOB - which means Bag Of Bones..."

 

Late one dark and rainy night a man was walking home alone when he hears a.......
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP... behind him.
Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street
towards him

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him ...

faster...

faster...

BUMP...
BUMP....
BUMP.

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping ...

clappity-BUMP! ...

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on the heels of the terrified man.... Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. .
With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him. The man screams and reaches for something heavy, anything ... his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of ROBITUSSIN .
Desperate, he throws the Robitussin as hard as he can at the apparition,
and...

(scroll down)




















guess what?......
























the coffin stops.

 

Ohhh, Dave...what are we gonna do with you?

 

There's more where that came from

 

It was a cold, chill winters night. The man was driving in unfamiliar territory, and at the last town while eating dinner he had heard that the road ahead was haunted by the ghost of an old man, that sometimes asked for rides from unsuspecting strangers...

Fog began to close in, it began to snow and the man switched on his wipers and peered carefully ahead as he drove down the old road.

All of a sudden, there was a loud tapping on his door! Startled, he looked to the window and saw an old man through the glass! But the speedometer told him he was doing forty miles per hour... It couldn't be - unless???

He looked resolutely back to the road, and sped up. When he looked back, the apparition was no longer there. He slowed down to forty again, and was just calming down when the tapping came at the door again...

This time, he floored it regardless of the risk!!! Sixty, seventy five, eighty miles an hour in the treacherous fog and drifting snow he went, knuckles turning white on the steering wheel.

"KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!" Came the summons on the drivers door! He couldn't bear to look, and milked the engine for everything it was worth. Suddenly, there came a "CLANK" from under the hood. -He had thrown a rod through the engine block, and the devastated engine turned over a few more times and quit...

"KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK" sounded on the door again, and he could only stare at the pale face through the window...

In the silence, he could hear snow flakes falling on the roof until the apparition spoke. And it said:




































"Hey Mister! I was trying to tell ya you're stuck in a snow drift. Do you need some help?"

 

Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having a little trouble deciding where to go. They were a little tired of the local food in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic.

After some discussion, they decided to go to Italy because they had heard that Italian food was really good. So off they went to Italy and ended up in Venice. On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner. A few minutes later they noticed a young couple walking their way. As they neared, the vampires made their move. Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the remaining bodies into the canal below.

The vampires were extremely pleased with their meal and decided to have seconds. Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first—sucked dry and tossed into the canal below.

Our vampires are now fairly full but decide to get dessert. In a short while a third young couple provides just that. As with the first two couples, these people were also sucked dry and tossed over the rail into the canal.

The vampires decided that they had had a marvelous dinner but that it was time to head back home. As they started to walk away they began to hear some singing. They were puzzled because no one else was on the bridge. As they listened, they realized that it was coming from the canal. They looked over
the rail and saw a big alligator in the water under the bridge,
feasting on the bodies. They listened as the alligator sang, ...


"Drained wops keep fallin' on my head."

 

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?











They taste funny!