Today is not only Michelle's & my 13th anniversary together but it was 20 years ago today since my (too young a) Mom died.

I have been swaying to both ends of the scale today.

Anyone else have a Good & Bad anniversary Day/Date sharing
experience ?

 

Well - about a year ago life was still somewhat good down here. I'm planning a chapter get together here in west Tenn for next friday - just a grill and campfire in the yard kinda thing. I hoped back then to get in touch with some real dynamite people when I got home, and maybe it will happen yet...

All of my neighbors are top notch - dunno what I'd do without 'em.

If you could only see the Mustang being built next door! This is gonna be Don's year, I just know it...

 

Dennis, congratulations on the anniversary. 13 years...I am at 3.5 already. But why would you get married on the same day as when your mother died? Like your day was, it would be a day to celebrate and a day to mourn.

Just think of your mom in all her good things. Whenever I get sad about one of my dead cats I just think about how cute and fun they were (not the same but you get the point).

-Matt

P.S. We will see where this thread leads to. It might become a General Conversation thread (or has it?) Or is this a test?

 

Michelle & I aren't married

We're still practicing (or studying)

July has always been "the month" of turmoil for me........dating way back.

Thanks for your thoughts though.

 

WHAT?!?! I could have SWORN you were married. Maybe I just assumed (you know what happens then!) I wondered why her last name was different when she emailed me.

Hmmm...guess I better take back the wedding anniversary present.

Only 3 more weeks and July is over. I hope August is better.

-Matt

EDIT: Thread turned to General Conversation so it was moved. Member notified.

 

Try to make the best of it. That's all you can do.

Just think of all the good things about her.

Then have a good night out on the town.

13years i think it's time to get hitched. I guess you could skip the honeymoon.

Just kidding.

Congrats man.

DT

Wolf your killin me. I'd love to see that mustang. All my neighbors are Army and city people. I'm the only wrencher around here. If you weren't so far away.

 

As crappy as it is to loose a parent too soon, 20 years later it would be reasonable for your mom's passing to have been dealt with. This would not be a slight to her. It would not make you a bad son, or heartless or superficial. The modern pc garbage about grieving on a schedule is exactly that - garbage. Sure, everyone grieves on their own schedule and in their own way, and something as major as losing your mother too young leaves a mark of some kind. But, that said, it's not necessary, and certainly not desirable, that it mark you for life to the point that a joyous occasion like an anniversary be as marred as your describe.

Sure, a few bitter-sweet thoughts might cross your mind. But a whole month of mixed emotions? No. I doubt strongly that any mother would wish that on their son.

Rather, I suspect a mom would want her son to move on and enjoy the pleasure of having found "the one".

There are ways to think of such things that are respectful of a mother's memory yet not depressing. Decide that finding your perfect mate was in some way a gift from your mother and honour her by making the most of that. Honour her as a woman by transferring the love you wish you could give her to your mate in this significant month. Let her loss be meaningful by learning from it - take extra care of any health issues with you and your mate to ensure that neither of you suffers the loss of the other before your time. Emulate your mom's positive personality traits toward your mate, that another woman of quality might benefit from them. In short, the best way anyone can honour their parents memory is to be the man they know their parents would have wished they'd be. And at a time like this, I know my own deceased parent would be wagging their finger saying "Now, Fred, you stop being silly and give that wonderful girl I sent you a month of cheer. That's how you can best honour me."

So many ways to respect and honour her memory without letting it become the kind of depressing thing you know your mom would not have wanted you to succumb to.

Take care.

 

My mother died on my Dads birthday which in turn caused him to have a heartatack and he died a few days later.this was 20 years ago and I still think about it.

 

Fred, I think you mis-understood.

By my post, I meant:
It is just a coincidence that these dates line up.

Losing (not loosing) a parent at any time isn't good

July being the most popular month for "things going bad" in my life.
October is right in there as well in 2nd place.

August however.. is far better with more positive things happening.

I dealt with Mum's death in the first few months & moved on

To this day though,I am the only one in our family who can drive up to & stop right at her grave site.

Something about Mother & Son (only son),connection I suppose.

I have lots of dates in my head that coincide with each other for good & bad.

 

What? That is the month of my birthday! That month ROCKS!

-Matt

 

My dad died when he was only 55. I'm soon to be 54, this October, so after a year and a few months, each day thereafter will be a gift to me. If I make it that far anyway.

At least you remember the dates of your losses. I guess I push those things away from me so as not to be reminded of my loss each year. I look at mom and dads pictures daily and wish that I could have spent more time with each of them. The old 20/20 hind sight thing, I guess. That's why I tell any young person that needs it..." Spend as much time with your mom & dad now, because when they're gone, it's just too danged late."

 

My father died on Feb. 18th (16 years ago), which is also my mother's birthday. My siblings and I make an effort to try to treat her birthday as something seperate, but the day usually holds a bit of sadness for us as well.

 

My Dad died on my wedding anniversary and we buried him on my wife's birthday a week later.

 

This month is good for me. Today, the 11th is the 43rd year of me being found under a rock. So my brothers tell me. The 14th is my 21st wedding anniversary. My wife say's is a good thing. I must agree. Someone has put up with me that long. My parents only kepted me around for 19 years.

November is not the best month. It is my brother's brithday, but also the month that his son was killed in Iraq.

December 30th is my wife's brithday. December 31 is the day that I got into a wreck which was the start of my disability. But I have learned to live with both.

The rest of the months are all good.

Tom

 

Excellent to hear.