Well, I've had no luck with them!

And I've tried for a few months to be honest with you.

Just incompatible, different wavelengths! No connections at all, time and again. And the "disconnect" is the best case scenario, usually it's worse than that, lonely people, or whatever.

In the worse case scenarios, I had this feeling of turning over rocks on rainy spring day and seeing interesting new creature crawl out from under there, a new type

I've given it a serious shot, on all types of sites, conservative, alternative, sites that ask you a zillion questions and give you a rating, religious sites even --- nothing. It's the same thing and the same people everywhere.

Maybe meet somebody for a date, but finding a spouse for a long-term marriage???


Anybody have the same experience, or is it just me. Just me, probably.

 

GADZOOKS, MAN!!!

The one thing I know for sure about the internet is that people write and put there what they wish were true - and there isn't any way to know until you meet the son or daughter of the culprit in the Tejas Chainsaw massacree at a bus-stop somewhere...
(I cannot find a smiley sufficiently BUG-EYED to express it, so imagine one...)

 

[thread hijack] Does this one or this one work Wolf? Smilies are on the right. At the bottom click More and a new window pops up. [/thread hijack]

I am married already so I don't go to the web personals (my wife would kill me). But, as Wolf said people on there, for the most part, embelish on the truth a little.

Good luck in your search.

-Matt

 

Do you have one where huge eyes are trying to hide under a rock?

(just curious)

 

I believe they work well for some, not so well for others. My aging mother has gotten hooked on them, met some very nice guys, and some wierdos. She had a phone/Internet relationship with a guy in Tennessee for over a year, he kept talking about coming out here to meet her in person but couldn't make a commitment. From what I could see, he was a bit unstable (and works at a D.O.E. nuclear research center...how scary is that?!)

But, she's met a very nice guy who lives just across the lake, they've become friends, nothing more though. She's got a couple of others on the hook right now, getting to know them. I guess if you talk to a person enough, even over the Internet or on the phone, you can get a good feeling of whether or not they're being honest with you about themselves.

Personally, I don't think I'd try to hook up with someone that way but to each his own. -TD

 

Graywolf,

Yeah, it is a big escapist thing, inability to cope with reality... internet is the solution like TV, except the box talks back - but you can turn it off any time you want.

TigerDan,

I got a couple of dates off there, some very nice looking ladies, others not, (although looks are largely irrelevant long term vs. personality IMO) - and none were material for marriage type of arrangement, not even close. And that was the best case scenario.

After browsing personals for 6 months (intensely almost every day!) I concluded it's not for me. Nothing fits at all, not just a little bit off, but waaay off. You need a 9mm deep socket but all you see are hammers, screwdrivers and a dremmel tool! Although I do realize part of the problem is me, maybe I am too uncompromising... but why should one be, you are not buying a truck for 7 years, but a mate for 40 years (and I don't want to go through the "upgrade" AKA divorce process) I need to get a life, basically.

I think the reason internet dating doesn't work is because backgrounds of people are so different that their value systems are different, their perspectives on just about everything don't align. Different social classes, too. I am happy with my 15 year old (yet low-mileage and with new engine!) Ford yet the people I work with consider a 5 year old minivan too old and upgrade to a new one... you can see this wouldn't go anywhere.

 

At the rate I'm going... I think I might have to sign up for one.

STan

 

Maybe the harder one looks, the less chance they find what they're looking for.

Sounds corny but hey!

Maybe some of these personality profiles that people list are what they think people are looking for but actually isn't really who they are.

(does that make sense?)

 

Yeah, that's a lot of the problem with the things. People tend to exaggerate a bit (or a lot) and often don't say as much about who they are, as who they'd like to be. It's so easy to just flat out lie and make yourself something that you're not on the 'Net. I guess that's how a lot of people get their jollies.

Hey, did you know I'm 6'4, 31 years old, and an airline pilot? I have my own plane as well, and I race Nascar in my off time. I have a collection of vintage Mustangs, and a 427 SC Cobra, and have ordered a new Ford GT which should be here next month. I have a house here in California, as well as a condo on Maui and a chateau in the south of France. I was a model for a while, but I got bored with it. Anybody got a hookup for me? -TD

 

I think for busy working people it can be a way to introduce/meet people they otherwise wouldn't have the opportunity too. It is, however, just the first step, and ultimately you have to converse and meet in person before deciding if there's chemistry. I don't think there's any shortcut to meeting the right person, it could be the first or tenth person you approach. I do think it's a good way for non-bar going people to introduce themselves to perspective partners that are geographically suited. Let's face it, it doesn't get much easier when you try to pick someone in person!

 

I'm signed up on two different sites. Mainly because there are no women in my area my age, that aren't diseased, married, or already have 10 kids. So I'm limited in my resources. I've met a few really nice girls, but I don;t see potential in any of them.. I've also met some freaks, and psychos too.

 

To me, internet dating is just that, dating - but easier. Not much different than going to a bar at 1am, except the "girl" you're flirting with online probably has more razor stubble than you do.

If you don't like the bar scene, don't do online dating. Try a regular forum. FTE is the other end of the scale..., (I remember an unattached girl here, like 4 years ago? What was her name? I think she drove a 70's F150.)

I used to do ICQ and hang out every once in a while out in Yahoo chat when it was open. A girl there and I would email and chat back and forth sometimes. After about a year I decided to do the fly out thing and check things out. We've been married over 5 years now and I think we argued about what to have for Thanksgiving a couple years ago, (I could have smoked prime rib every year!)

I'd have to say, maybe 5% of the relationships online work out like mine has. I was never looking to "date" or get into a relationship, just having a good time being myself. Maybe it worked, because i didn't try.

 

I met my wife online about 4.5 years ago. From watching others and comparing to my path, I can observe/opine a few things about meeting someone through the internet.

1. If a person goes somewhere with the intent of meeting someone (online, bar, dating service, personal ads, etc.), they're going for the deliberate goal to meet people. These people are essentially lonely and have nothing they'd rather be doing (reading, racing, any hobby/interest). The reason they are using this method is because all other ways have failed (might be their fault, might not).

2. The only thing in common between such people is the mutual desire to not sit alone and be bored. Any other mutual interests will be luck and coincidence. Great for one night stands but thin for anything longer. There has to be some common ground for the basis of the relationship other than that goofy feeling even teenagers are capable of. You have to want to spend time with the person even when it's not about physical intimacy.

3. As mentioned by a few wise folks already, most people on the internet filter their true selves and portray themselves as they wish/percieve to be and not as they truly are. Everyone does that to some extent unconsciously and usually benignly, but there are many who use the anonymity to be deliberately decietful.

The gal I met had sent me an email asking about my car requesting to use my car's pictures on the website she runs. I didn't even know she was a "she" until several emails had been exchanged. By the time I realized I had been conversing with a female, we had established something of mutual interest that would be very long lasting and the basis for a good friendship. Also, before knowing, I had assumed it was just some guy interested in my car. Once I discovered she was a "she", I become interested in finding out more about her. Yet, despite that seemingly positive aspect, we both approached our potential relationship with much skepticism and cynicism. We were mistrustful of trying to get to know each other over the internet as that would be akin to only meeting someone at a bar and never seeing them anywhere else.

Internet dating can be great because it greatly expands your ability to locate potential candidates. But used unwisely, it will just increase the number of failures and psychos.

Sorry so long winded...

 

2. The only thing in common between such people is the mutual desire to not sit alone and be bored. Any other mutual interests will be luck and coincidence. Great for one night stands but thin for anything longer.


Yeah, this is so true.... I tried a few "specialized" sites thinking they might work, but it's really the same thing everywhere. Sites for general population, liberal, radical liberal, conservative, radical right-wing, "hippy", etcetera. I must have looked at 20 different dating sites from all ends of the spectrum in the last 6 months and what you say applies to them all. Weird. There is no real connection other than loneliness and it's not a very good connection at all.

 

OK- married long before the internet appeared, so I've got zero experience in net-dating, but something crossed my mind. When I first met my wife (27 years ago?), I was a card carrying, scotch drinking, Mercedes driving bona-fide yuppie. My wife is the second of five kids of a millwrights family. Yea, they're rednecks- although over the years I've come to think of that term as a compliment.

The point to all this is, we really had very little in common. If we were looking for each other on the net, we would have never found each other...or avoided each other like the plague. What did happen was the chemistry clicked- we've been married for over 26 years, and seen both sides of that "for better or worse" part of the marriage vows.

Sooo...don't assume that you have to find someone with like interests for a successful relationship. In retrospect, my wife probably looked at me as a "fixer upper" with potential.