Relationship Question
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Posting Guru
Joined: Nov 2003
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From: California Desert
Relationship Question
I ran into an ex girlfriend I haven't seen in a few years at a New Years Eve party. We got to talking, turns up we are both single, so we set up a date for tonight. The night goes well, we have lots of fun in relating all the new happenings in our lives. Almost out of nowhere we suddenly become very intimate. I doubt either of us regret anything. But since this is my first experience with getting back with an ex...is it wrong that we get that close on the "first" date? Or is it completely normal to just pick right up where we left off a few years earlier? Thanks!
Government Teat-sucker
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 9,748
Likes: 1
From: Virginia Beach
That's great! Good luck with the relationship (this time). Just be careful and take it slowly. Don't try to avoid the reasons that you broke it off in the first place. Most of all, have a good time and be friends.
Cargo Master
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,542
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From: Murphysboro, IL
There is only one of my ex's who I would consider getting together with again. One of them I did not long after we broke up and after that time that was it withher, same story as before with her. The one who I would get back together with would have to initiate contact for it to ever happen, since that will probably never happen I'll probably never date her again.
Hope all goes well.
Hope all goes well.
Elder User
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 867
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From: Fairbanks, Alaska
Ok First Rule of Relationships - there are no rules!
If you and this girl feel that what your doing works for you, then go for it. If either of you is feeling pressured or unsure, back it off a notch.
There are no hard and fast rules on how quickly to move...it's your relationship so communicate with each other, find out how you feel about it, and move accordingly.
Most of all - communicate. I'd be willing to bet that was one of the root causes for the first breakup!
If you and this girl feel that what your doing works for you, then go for it. If either of you is feeling pressured or unsure, back it off a notch.
There are no hard and fast rules on how quickly to move...it's your relationship so communicate with each other, find out how you feel about it, and move accordingly.
Most of all - communicate. I'd be willing to bet that was one of the root causes for the first breakup!
Posting Guru
Joined: Nov 2004
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From: N. Mississippi
Congrtatulations.....I hope it works for you two this time. I have to say that I personally, will not ever got back to an "ex". My feelings are that if it did not work the first time, it won't the second.
Senior User
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 279
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From: Kansas City, MO
Do you mind sharing why you two broke up in the first place? If it was something stupid like bad communication between the two of you then I don't see anything wrong with "going back to where you left off." However; if were talking something serious like cheating then watch your back. Women can be strange creatures at times, occasionally it can be blamed on "girl stuff" so it's easy to get into fights while this is occuring. I'm sure you know all this, just thought I'd add my two cents.... best of luck : )
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Posting Guru
Joined: Apr 2000
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From: Summit, NJ
There are certainly no set rules to this. My wife and I dated for two years.. broke up, then got back together again for another two years before we were married. We kinda started off the same way the second time again as you did.
The first thing you have to look at was why did you break up originally in the first place? Was irreprable damage done back then (example: cheating, etc) or was it a case where someone wasn't ready for a further commitment, relationship too much, etc. I'd say if it were the latter, then you might be headed in a good direction. If it were something more serious, I would have serious reservations if I were you.
I would say start off slow, especially on the emotional / love factor. You have to learn to be best of friends. Keep in mind what split you up before.. are those habits still present or have both of you changed for the better. It took me a few months to realize I loved her again.. we became best of friends first, focusing on building a nice strong foundation.
Now as far as the "other stuff" goes, as long as both of you are comfortable with that, then let it remain. Just don't let it cloud your judgement.. make sure if you decide to start a relationship again, that it's for all the right reasons.
The first thing you have to look at was why did you break up originally in the first place? Was irreprable damage done back then (example: cheating, etc) or was it a case where someone wasn't ready for a further commitment, relationship too much, etc. I'd say if it were the latter, then you might be headed in a good direction. If it were something more serious, I would have serious reservations if I were you.
I would say start off slow, especially on the emotional / love factor. You have to learn to be best of friends. Keep in mind what split you up before.. are those habits still present or have both of you changed for the better. It took me a few months to realize I loved her again.. we became best of friends first, focusing on building a nice strong foundation.
Now as far as the "other stuff" goes, as long as both of you are comfortable with that, then let it remain. Just don't let it cloud your judgement.. make sure if you decide to start a relationship again, that it's for all the right reasons.
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Posting Guru
Joined: Nov 2004
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From: N. Mississippi
I have to say that we just grew apart. The job I had turned into a 6 day a week job...56 to 60 hours a week. She got where she did her thing on Sundays while I spent that day with my two kids....telling me that "I had them on Saturday....you can have them on Sunday."
Let's just say that we had our share of problems like any couple do that's struggling to make a living, and trying to keep a household going. No matter what you do...a woman will not let you forget the past if you happen to have an argument.
I just think that if you have problems in the past...they will be brought up again the second time around.
Let's just say that we had our share of problems like any couple do that's struggling to make a living, and trying to keep a household going. No matter what you do...a woman will not let you forget the past if you happen to have an argument.
I just think that if you have problems in the past...they will be brought up again the second time around.
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Posting Guru
Joined: Nov 2003
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From: California Desert
I don't think "Dr. Phil" could have given any better advice. 
Thanks guys. No real damage was done the first time we broke up. It was mainly a matter of our bit of an age difference. Not even close to an issue now, but back in high school where maturity growth can almost be measured in weeks, it was a little. She was looking for a typical "image" type high school relationship and I was starting to look for something a little bit deeper. We've both definitely changed quite a bit, mostly for the better I hope. Thanks again guys. The FTE support group, maybe we should open a clinic? 
Thanks guys. No real damage was done the first time we broke up. It was mainly a matter of our bit of an age difference. Not even close to an issue now, but back in high school where maturity growth can almost be measured in weeks, it was a little. She was looking for a typical "image" type high school relationship and I was starting to look for something a little bit deeper. We've both definitely changed quite a bit, mostly for the better I hope. Thanks again guys. The FTE support group, maybe we should open a clinic?
Senior User
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 326
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From: tucson/luray usa
as the others said, take your time, and make sure you use a raincoat. dont want her getting pregnant and you then having a child that forces you together, as that will only drive a wedge of resentment between you, and then you are supporting a kid for 18 years, and not having much contact with either of them during that time.
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