I have been married twice and both times I was treated very badly after doing everything that I could to make these women happy.
I would very much like to be married but now have a distrust of women that will be diffilcult to overcome.

 

I'm curious where you people are meeting women? The bars? I dated quite a bit before I got married and I never once found a woman who didn't appreciate being treated nice. That just doesn't make any sense to me. Those who want to be single I'm guessing aren't thinking of when they are old and have nobody but themselves. That doesn't sound too exciting to me!! I've been married almost 7 years and life couldn't be better. I was 22 and so was she and we only dated 3 months before getting married. We both knew it was right. I know that won't happen to everybody, but I feel lucky it did to me. Now I have two wonderful children and I can't imagine not having the support system that I have. I think you'll know it's the right person when you enjoy going everywhere together (except grocery shopping. LOL). My wife and I do everything together and sometimes that means you don't get to do everything you want to do, but it's all worth it. We disagree, but we do it in a mature manner. I can't remember the last time we yelled at each other and that was because we made a decision that it did no good. I realize that my situation is probably not typical, but with work on both sides, marriages can succeed and the rewards that can come from it can be attained no other way. I guess I'd better shut up now, this is getting way too long.

 

I think that most of the girls us single guys are meeting are or were in high school at the time, or fresh out of. My last three girlfriends all left me for the "bad guy" type boyfriend, and in two of the three, it was their ex's. There ex's treated them like crap (the reason why they broke up? dunno) and I treated them the best I knew how, which was pretty dang great. But I guess they like being treated like crap. The first true girlfriend I ever had was my junior year, and she was a sophmore. This was the first girl I ever feel in love with. Her ex would call her up and make her cry, harrass her, but then be sorry and all that stuff that goes with it. Well one night she went to a party, one that I asked her not to go because I knew no good would come of it. Well wouldnt ya know, I was right. She got drunk (typical right?), and then her ex and his friend got her stoned, and her ex raped her. Took every ounce of everything I had in me not to beat the living crap out of that kid. ONLY reason I didnt, was because she begged and begged and begged some more not too. Its a shame I listened. Three weeks later, she broke up with me for him. The only girlfriend that didnt leave me for her sorry-butt ex, was the last one I had almost a year ago, and she cheated on me. Right now, Im dating a girl that Im probably gonna have to break it off cause all she talks about is her ex. Wonderfull right?

 

J. Giels Band had a song back in the '80s that says it all...Love Stinks! -TD

 

i was married for 11 years to a good woman, but she died over 6 yrs ago. i have dated a couple of women since then. i've been alone this long and kind of settled into being single. i work a lot of hours in my job and like to come and go as i please. not saying i would not get married again but i don't seeing it happening.

 

single=freedomalso, don't have to worry about being lied to.

 

I gave up on women. I always seem to find the ones who want to be treated right, but then leave for the type of guy who puts them through hell....not worth my time to chase 'em anymore. I'll settle for the truck, the bike, and a cold beer.(pass the beer-nuts please)

 

I had totally given up on women, after the 2nd very painful break-up of my life. I went through total misery for a long, long time. I finally got back to the point where I liked myself and was getting into my own life and hobbies, etc, and wasn't looking for a woman. It was the farthest thing from my mind.

Went out with a friend for a couple hours ... dances with this gal, twice I think ..... we've now been together since around November of 88 or thereabouts. ( I'm horrible remembering dates.) Only been married a portion of that time, though.

There are days I wish I'd never given my single life up. But there are more days that I'm glad I did, even though what I have isn't a typical marriage. If there is such a thing. If I were single...I can't say I'd never get married again, but the odds are that it would be a lonnnnnnng time off. ( And by then I'd be old enough that we'd both be getting married just to help wash each others clothes.)

You don't want to rush into marriage, but you don't necessarily need to run from it either. There are good...and even excellent marriages. When the time is right, it will either happen or it won't. You never know what you're going to get until you get there.

 

Would you guys say that love/relationships have the biggest impact on someone's life, over everything else?

I've found it to be the most difficult part of life. I'm only 20, never had a serious gf, been on pleanty of dates and been with a fair share of women but never in a serious relationship. I'm a pretty smart guy, esp for my age, and one of my talents is being able to understand concepts and figure things out on my own. I can think logically quickly and as long as it can be figured out, I can usually figure it out. Girls...I can't figure out...and I can't figure out how/why that part of my life has been the way it has, and I can't figure out how to "fix" it or change it to improve it. It drives me nuts and it's getting to a point where it's becoming a serious problem and don't know what to do.

I met this girl when I was 14, and i duno what it is about this girl but ever since i first saw her I knew something was unusual about the way I felt about her. I guess you could say it was a love at first site type of thing, atleast for me. I was friends with one of her friends and got a msg through that I liked/wanted to talk to her. She instant msg'ed me on the computer one night and ever since I've been friends with her, so about 6 years now, shes 2 yrs older than me. We've always been really close but never really spent all that much time together, and it's really weird because I've never even been on a real/offical date with her but it doesn't matter, i still feel the way I do about her. We both feel very strongly for eachother. She's had a bf for as long as i've known her, the first one used to abuse her (she'd never leave of coarse) and the 2nd one seems like a decent guy, shes been wtih him for 4-5 years now. Last year we couldn't keep outselves apart and she ended up cheating on him with me, but he doesn't know about it. It happened one time, a few days after we hooked up she got in a fight w/ him and broke up with him. However, she decided to go back and she broke it off with me. A couple weeks later I find out she got pregnant from him and that was that. I got distraught with her and pretty much tried to sever my ties with her. We spent about 10-11 months apart, which was hard because she kept trying to talk to me here and there. She finally stopped after 6 months but we're talking again now. I couldn't hold a grudge against her forever, but now she tells me she wishes that her child was mine instead of her bf's, and that she thinks about me all the time etc etc...she has a lot of trouble talking about how she feels, she lies a lot about things to cover stuff up and keep secrets...PITA really...i duno what it is about her though...theres some kind of connection i have w/ her that I can't let go of and can't release from. I don't know a whole lot about how she feels and what she thinks. But sometimes I have the idea that she has loved me and does love me but for some reason something has held her back and made her go another route.

Everyone talks about how they believe there is always this 1 person ment for you to be with....which I sorta believe myself it makes sense...and I am scared that I met her at 14 and never got the chance to be with her...and now our relationship is so trashed it couldn't be fixed...and that now I'm going to live the rest of my life w/o the person I was ment to be with...and that I won't find someone I think of like that more than I think of her in that way...it can really mess up your head....

I've tried to date other women, and move on/find someone else over the last 6 years. She's told me that she liked me back then but didn't go out with me because she didn't want it to ruin our friendship and have it cause us to split. The fact that she has a kid with this guy now really makes me not want to get involved with her anymore. I've been in college for awhile now and meet lots of pretty girls, I'm very outgoing and I'm not a bad looking guy, I'm a good guy and I think I have a normal personality...no reason I shouldn't be able to find a GF. All along I've dated and liked other girls, some of which I've liked a lot, but it never works out. It's not often I find a girl that I really want to date, I'm picky but its how I am, I can only date someone I'm attracted to and I'll find pleanty of girls I think are attractive but they gotta have that extra somethin that draws me to them. I've found 6-7 of them in the last 2 years or so....every single one has had a bf....previous to this last 2 years, I had the "only wnat to be my friend" syndrome I was battling...It's like I get shut out of every opportunity to find someone else. Either I don't liek them and they like me, or vise versa, or they have a BF, or they just wnat to be friends...I don't get it and it drives me nuts....it's like I can't have this girl because her life is so programmed into being with that guy now, but I can't have anyone else instead as it seems like something is preventing me from getting someone else. I've been at it for 6-7 years now, and nothing has happened, I've had lots of the "friends/benefits" deals but thats about all I can pull off. I've gotten tired of that, I havn't been with anyone in the last 11 months, but I don't see myself finding a gf anytime soon. Apparently, there is no end to the madness, atleast that is how it seems.

sorry guys...this rant is getting too long, I'd better end it...

 

Wouldn't recommend this to anyone, but it worked for me...

Met a WONDERFUL, SWEET, GENUINE, KIND, BEAUTIFUL woman...married her 9 days later - that was in '82...still married and it's STILL WONDERFUL!!! Our son's nearly 21 (moved out last June) and our daughter will be off to college in a couple years, so we can start enjoying life again...JUST KIDDING - the kids are GREAT (most of the time)

Scott

 

Justin, About the first thing one needs to keep in mind is that when it comes to love and relationships you're dealing with feelings and emotions. So you might as well throw logic out the window. People and women especially, think with their emotions and not their intellect. It's called emotional reasoning.

Those unexplainable, unreasonable attractions happen in life. Eventually you learn that it is possible to be in love with someone who is bad for your mental health and emotional being. Been there, done that. So the choice is a lifetime of anguish or a year of greiving after you decide it isn't going to get better. Neither way is fun.

The emotional attraction keeps you wanting to go back cause it feels so good. But ask an addict why they keep going back? It feels good but it's bad for ya. Somehow one has to learn discretion between a good love and a bad feel good attraction. Dont' ask me how. Time and experience, i guess. No, actually there are early warning signs if you can recognize them for what they are.

I have a saying: What they do with you (at the start) they will do to you (at the end).
Sorry to say it guy but your *attraction* sounds like bad news and has some serious integrity issues, serious.

As far as attractions go, I mean why they exist, i dunno. but i think it's a lot like food. There is just no acounting for taste. Why do you like the foods you do, especailly the ones the are bad for you.
What to do about those attractions? Several things.
One, Simply "don't go there".
Two, Just because it exists doesn't mean you have to act on it. Once you understand that irrational attractions exist in life, they become easier to deal with because you recognize them for what they are. Then you're a man of self-disciline and integrity. Not a bad way to be.

there's another saying goes something like, "go where people are who do relationships well".

I think age has something to do with why some attractions last so long. My first great love happened around 20 yrs of age. Had dreams about her for over ten yrs. My second great love happened at around 40. She claimed the greatest love for me too. But when push come to shove she didn't act that way. Had to relaize I was in love with something destructive and leave. The haunting dreams lasted only 3 yrs that time. They stop.

I've had 3 of those "that's the one for me" in my life. I'm obviously not with any of them. One of them simply disappeared, ran away. Got a card form her 6 months later, she said her feelings for me where too strong so she ran away. Logical?

Then on the opposite side, there is a woman in my life now who thinks I am the man for her. I don't. She irrationally hangs on to her notion despite all good sense and reason. She'll never get the things she dreams of from me so why doesn't she go find what she wants else where? Good question.

 

9 days.

Bravo. Thats got to be a record.


There are some poeple on here that seem to really have a broken heart over past relationships and can not get over the hurt. I hope I never get that kinda pain. Dang.

 

I hope you never get that kinda pain either! Heck...I hope I never get that kinda pain either!!! It's lookin' good so far...but no one knows what the future holds...

Scott

 

I wish it didnt bother me so much, it's been a constant thing for years. Theres been highs and lows, but the last 2 years have been tough. It's to the point where it's a visious cycle, you get depressed about it but you can't let it affect your self esteem or enthusiasm because it'll just screw ya up even more. I feel as though I've done a good job trying to find someone to date, the way I talk to them seems fine, I just keep finding girls that have BF's. Over the years I've had a few girls who I really liked, who really liked me back but had a BF and that screwed everything up...it's just really fustrating because it's the only thing in my life that I havn't been able to suceed in. I've had lots of hobbies, lots of accomplishments, I have a good career being built for myself, I have a good life situation, but that one side of my life is a mess, and it's the only thing I can't do anything about....I've run out of ideas, I've run out of patience, it causes major issues. My life would be completely different if this was not the kind of issue it is...but it's really becoming a problem. Theres a bunch of opportunities I've had, even just in the last two years, but they all failed on some level or another, and none were my fault. Most were just girls I tried talking to at school who turned out to have a BF after talking with them, one of them was a girl I met at a party, who my friend told me I couldn't date (long story), who probably was a good opportunity...just crap like that blocking me. It's like the world doesn't want me to have anything else, like I'm programmed to have this 1 person and I try to do something else because it hasn't worked out with her, but something is blocking me from having something else instead as if I'm programmed to have her and thats it. I completely don't understand the situation I'm in, and when I don't understand something, and don't have a way of figuring it out...it drives me up the wall.

 

Guys, you make me feel better by knowing I'm not the only one!

Does it seem that all we young guys (I'm 21) get is one night stands? Well, at least we never see the bad side of the girl . One night stands = satisfied, but empty inside.

At least I can do whatever I want, no one nagging me when I get home, to GF to call and check up on.

Patrick