[updated:LAST EDITED ON 24-Jan-02 AT 01:07 PM (EST)]The other day I got a phone call from my wife my step son was sitting in the principles office all day because he got into a fight. Now I was told that my son startted the fight which I have preached to my son you DO NOT THROW THE FIRST SWING. which he has never done. Now the princple confronted my son and my son told the principle that his dad always taught him to defend himself when some hits you first, The princple TOLD MY SON THAT HIS DAD IS WRONG!!! so the princple calls me to come down and pick him up. I asked the principle how the whole fight came about?? He said it was over a soccer game score and my son pushed the other kid and my son was WALKING AWAY and this other kid took a cheap shot at my son while he was walking away so my son turned around and nailed the kid. The truth came out that the kid first slapped my son and my son pushed him and walked away. Now the principle tells me my son is 6" taller than this kids and out wieghs him I told the princple don't even start going there because there are alot of little people that can beat the hell out of some big guys and the size issue is not relevent on this. He argued that with me but it went nowhere. I also told the principle this other kid BEFORE he took the cheap shot had 3 choices to make do the cheap shot and be able to back it up or take the shot and get his butt kicked or just walk away well he decided to go with choice #2 and got his butt kicked
I told the principle I feel my son was defending himself and was not in the wrong. He told me I was wrong. I guess my main question here is do you all think it is right for a teacher or principle to tell your child that what thier parent is teaching them is flat out wrong??? My son got suspended for 2 days the one who got his butt kicked and startted the fight did not.

I don't teach my kids to go out and look for fights but if confronted in one to stand up for themselves I grew up in a military family and spent 5 yrs 82nd Airborne Ranger so maybe my thinking is wrong but i don't believe so.

 

No.

The school should not say anything to the pupil that would undermine the authority of a parent.

But I also believe that a parent should not say anything to the pupil to undermine their respect for those in authority at school.

Kids always seem to work things out for themselves. Anytime the adults get involved, it turns political.

 

Good point horsepuller.

I think teaching your kids to defend themselves is a worthwhile pursuit. It teaches them to stand up for themselves and what they believe in. Also, teaching them not to start fights, as well as controlling their anger is just as important.

It would have been better for your son to turn the other cheek, but it is incredibly hard for anyone to do this. AND THE LITTLE SUCKER DESERVED TO BE SHOVED. And being in the heat of battle (soccer game) it is expected. Your son did good by walking away, and when sucker punched, should respond. Running away is asking for further poroblems.

I'm 22 and still working this out!

I was forced into a fight (only one ever) when I was 18 (high school). Kid my age was throwing me around, knocking books outta my hands for a few days (the reason why is not important here) and wanted to fight me. He was also 3/4's my weight and height, although strong.

One day I had enough and scheduled a fight the next day after having my books shoved out of my hands yet again. Fast forward.....After the fight and ever since, the little piece of crap has respected me and has not attempted to verbally or physically threaten me.

I always had the reputation of being very gentle and repectful of authority, and the little punk did not expect me to respond the way I did (he even said so). Always defend yourself, one way or another. Its the Canadian way!!LOL!

 

Did you ask the principle what your son should have done when someone hits you from behind as in your sons situation?

I suppose he would say to run to the teacher and get the kid in trouble and really **** him off! Then have the kid come back and bully your son for the rest of the year!

 

[updated:LAST EDITED ON 24-Jan-02 AT 03:02 PM (EST)] Sometimes a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do. Clint Eastwood

 

[updated:LAST EDITED ON 24-Jan-02 AT 03:29 PM (EST)]My dads got fire and so do I, you gotta this day and age.

My uncle (a chevy driving fool) is a bit of a jerk. For proof, visit my [link:members.rogers.com/mattjibb/|website]. Click on history.

He has almost killed my dad a few times, through sheer purposeful stupidity. Anyway, he was yelling at my dad one day for something and my dad walked away, calling him an #####. This ticked off my uncle and he walked up to him and started pushing him with his chest. I got in between, in no mood to have to pull my dad off my uncles writhing body. (My dad was a detention centre supervisor for 25 years).

Then we walked away, and I was in between the two, so my uncle starts bumping me trying to get to my dad. The third time he did it I snapped and grabbed him by the collar of his coveralls, yelling at him to back the ___ off.
As he was threatening to do whatever to me, and my dad said that if he touched me he would flatten him. What fun eh?

Anyway, I shoved him back about 6 feet and walked away. Never screwed with me since! Said that if I did that again, I better be prepared to back it up. Ya gotta back these jerks up.

 

i think your son is in the right. he was cheap sotted, so he used resonable force to defend himself. my parents always told me to defend myself, but don't go around beeting people up. i think the school is protection that little punk who sucker punched your son, and i think you shouldn't take that! your son did nothing worng. that little brat was the instigator. your son defended himself

Joseph

 

Hi AZ:

I had a similiar situation when my older daughter was in middle school
now she's married (Hooray)... she also got into a fight on the school bus coming from school..I also dont teach my kids to fight,but if someone slaps,punches,one of them,,I say You go and kick their A**.
well,,i get called down to the school principal,the next day ,,and he wanted to suspend my daughter,,i said look i wanna know if the other girl was getting suspended,too.cus i said if my daughter is ,,so is the other girl,i said otherwise my daughter will be school tomorrow,,case closed,and i walked away....by the time i got home,,there was a message on my machine,,saying he (the principal) will give them another chance,so send her off to school..
my thing is not to suspend one,,both of them,its just not fair if only one gets suspended!!


Gina

 

Man AZ4x4f150, you have the shoddiest luck. I hear this kind of thing all the time, and what the schools do is COMPLETE BS! I have first hand experience in this. When I was in 8th grade, I was in a fight with a gang member. He started shoving me around and after I shoved him so hard he nearly fell over, he decked me. Not expecting this (I know, I was a moron to think that shoving was a far as it would go), I proceeded to get my **** kicked. Guess what happened when school authorities got involved? I got suspended, the other guy went back to class. The school system is totally set up to protect the bad guy. I believe that you are 100% in the right. My father taught me the same thing about not throwing the first punch, but kicking butt if you get hit. Overly liberal, new-age, "victims", like this principal just make me mad.

The Law

 

If you really want to stir it up go to the School District ( tHIS WAS REALLY EFECTIVE FOR ME) and if that will not solve you can really stir it and call the cops ( have not had to do this) next time and file assult charges on the other kid.

 

I think it's plain enough what happened.

There's an advantage or two on the parents end of things that should be considered though.

Item one, is that most schools get subsidised based on the number of students in class. This is especially true in the case of military dependants, or it was in San Diego. Therefore, when a student is out of school, the school is losing money.

That is why private and home schooling is the bane of public schools, it's like having cattle cut out of the schools herd...

School administrators also have to look good in the eyes of the higher ups, so going up the chain of command by taking it up with the school board is an extremely effective way to resolve things like that.

As far as the other kid not getting suspended, you should insist on it for equities sake and if nothing is done about it write a letter of complaint, keeping a copy of it on file.

This way the principle will be put on notice that his/her own actions are not acceptable, and not being ignored either.

One copy should go to the school board, and you may or may not want to send one directly to the principle him/herself.

The main thing here is that the principle is not in charge of you. As a matter of fact, they are public servants like any other, so from that perspective they work FOR you. And if you are dissatisfied with his/her actions you are entitled to some sort of accounting.

 

Ask the principle if U.S. was wrong going after the Taliban and the al-Qaida for self-defense since U.S. is more powerful than them.

 

AZ

This is a tough one. You do not want your son to back down when he is in the right but you also don't want him to take the responsibility for his actions.

I have always told my sons (reinforced just a couple of days ago) that they should never start a fight. If some one hits them, they need to defend themselves and if they are going to hit back do it with all they have. The second portion is that if they do fight back, they will never be in trouble WITH ME! They understand they may be in trouble with the school or wherever the fight took place and they have to accept those consequesces.

Just like the kid that hit your son, your son had three choices and chose to fight. Actions also have consequences. Now is the time to show your son that even if you are right, sometimes the outcome is not fair. Defending yourself is only a portion of standing up for what is right, accepting consequences for your actions is also a part.

Some of the other suggestions are great in addressing the school and the issue of the other kid not being suspended. I hope you follow up with the principal, school board etc.

Good luck.

 

My opinion,
You were 100% totally right, and the principle was wrong. I've taught my son the same way as you did, and I was brought up the same way myself. Never throw the first swing, walk away if at all possible, but if someone hits you first, clock the S.O.B.! That principle had a lot of nerve telling your son his father was wrong! I'd take the issue up with higher authority like the superintendent of your local schools. If you get all the way to the top and still don't get anywhere, tell your son he got a two day vacation for good behavior!