It was in the midst of a recent argument with my wife that I realized that men and women cannot possible communicate with each other. Let’s see if I can explain that a little better.

Every weekend my children come and visit us. Their ages range from 2yrs old to 6yrs old. Needless to say, having young children in our very small house is trying on the nerves as well as wonderful for the hearts. So, every weekend before they get here, my wife and I are on edge, feeling the strain of a day with screaming and running children.

On this particular day, the fighting started early and was fierce. I had asked my wife if she would come out and wait for one of them to show up while I went and picked up the other two (two different mothers, I know, I get around). I sat down on the couch and waited for her, and while I waited I got involved in watching a football game. I can hear all the women right now, “MEN!” At any rate, by the time I realized that 10 minutes had gone by and my wife was sitting there waiting, it was too late. I looked at my wife and said “You can go back to what ever it was you were doing. I’m already late.”

Now, since that sentence was spoken I have realized the error of my ways, but I’ll break it down for the guys because I know you are all scratching your heads thinking “yeah, so…?”

It seems that the sentence I spoke to my wife indicated that she was the reason I was running late. Though it may be obvious to us men that this is not the case, the logical and detail oriented mind of a woman would take that sentence completely differently. At least the women I have talked to about this issue. It was told to me that this is just the way women see things. What I should have done is say “I’m sorry honey, I got involved watching the game and lost track of time and I made myself late.” And give her a big hug and kiss.

Let me ask you this guys: Did you see that coming? I would think that the “logical and detail oriented mind” of a woman would have seen the fact that I was watching the game, not paying attention to time or the fact that she had walked into the room. Details, you know?

Let me ask you girls: Did you see that coming? Of course you did. I have read books like “Men are from Mars…” and all the while thinking that the woman I marry is going to understand me. We are going to be on the same page, so to speak. Let me tell you unmarried guys with the same thought: It’s a pipe dream. There is no way that any woman is ever going to be on the same page all the time with any man. It’s just not possible. For some unknown reason, God (which ever one you believe in) decided a long time ago that women were going to be one step ahead of men and not always on the same path either. I’m convinced that “He” has a great sense of humor and he loves to watch us. We are his reality television. That show he just can’t miss. It’s like watching “The Bachelor” on 150 billion different stations all at once.

So, women of the web, maybe you can help us guys out and shine some light on this ever lasting problem between you and us. When we need to tell you something, should we use as much detail as possible and risk you getting angry that we’re treating you like you are children or stupid, or should we be vague and risk you getting angry because we didn’t use enough detail for you to back step to our page?

I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I have enjoyed learning all sorts of things about married life.

By the way, we’ve only been married for 4 months. Thank you for reading.

 

I think you need to think about the situation before you speak. If things are already tense, then use more detail and risk sounding patronizing over letting your already annoyed wife take an innocuous statement and run. Both of you are in error, because of the temper flares and lack of communication. If there was no previous or impending conflict for the day, that sort of thing likley would never escalate into a misunderstanding of intent.

 

***** “MEN!” At any rate, by the time I realized that 10 minutes had gone by and my wife was sitting there waiting, it was too late. I looked at my wife and said “You can go back to what ever it was you were doing. I’m already late.”
*****

I don't get it, Did you not still have to go and get your two kids and did your wife not still have to wait for the other one? Why did the plans change and what did they change to?

 

Dude, Mr. Spock couldn't figure out this one.

 

my father did when I was about 10 and reminds every chance he gets....

"Boy...you get married, and I'll slap the ---- outta you!!!"

 

I had that one figured out in about 2 seconds. Just the part that started with "I asked my wife if she could..." followed by "...I got involved watching the football game" is worth a 5 yd penalty. The fact that they're your kids doubles the penalty. The fact that you were late picking up the other kids could get you suspended for the rest of the game. I'd really recommend some serious pre-game planning to make those days less stressful for the both of you.

BTW- married 25 years.

 

Hmmmm........ lets see........ Kids or Football ummmmmm.....

I think if I was in this same situation I would choose kids.


Jeremy

 

Married only 4 months. I can't remember what it was like at 4 months. Been married 20 years. I would explain to her just what you said to us. You know that it was not her fault that you were watching the game. Now, my wife would have said, "get your butt up and go get the children, NOW"!

So did you ever go get the kids? And did the other one show up?

I would just talk to her, but not in the kitchen. There are to many objects that could hurt you.

Tom

 

Dr Phil probably would have told you to "Own your perpensity to Lateness".... try any of these .. "Boy did I loose track of time.. I better think about getting going. OR Sorry for wasting your time while I was sitting here spacing out.... " Women really do need to know they didn't contribute to a bad value choice....Children vs football. (you know I am pulling your leg ...don't you?) I have arrangements on part time kids with my guy, too. I don't take it all that seriously.

 

I saw that coming.
I think alot also depends on what kind of mood she is in. But you do need to think a little before you speak. And the more details you put, the better off you are.
Oh and congrats on your recent marriage!

 

I saw it coming from that point on. Every move you made, and everything you said, had the potential for misinterpretation. You should have been walking on eggshells, taking every care not to make any mistakes. The onus fell on you, they're YOUR kids. From her point of view, it was irresponsible of you to sit and watch the game for ANY length of time. But, you already know that, or you wouldn't be bringing it up.

Like polarbear, I've been married 25 yrs. I may not be an expert, but I think I've figured out how to co-exist in a marriage.

 

I would suggest that you get a book about how women think! And one for your wife on how men think, too!

I have found that the more I know about a man's way of thinking, the more understanding I am when my husband makes a remark the could potentially tick me off.

I can ask my husband where a certain item is and he might say "in the living room. Well, okay?! WHERE in the living room?? Instead of getting irritated I just keep asking for more details. "Is it on the sofa? the floor? the coffee table? He is training real well, I might add! (Just kidding )

I think it is important for both to be willing to learn as much as they can about the other. Apologies are also a BIG thing for women. Whether you were right or wrong! Just tell her you are sorry and you realize that your TONE OF VOICE (very, very important! Women pick up on tone of voice much more easily than men - in MY experience) made it seem as though you were blaming her. If you want to get in the sack anytime in the near future than you must acquiesce and kiss her rear-end! (Hers, not her car's .)

It may not be fair in a man's eyes, but my husband will be the first to admit that is WORTH the trouble!

This is just my honest opinion and not meant to be taken as marital advice counseling.

Best of luck!
aerostargal

 

This goes back to rule #1. If Momma ain't happy...ain't knowbody happy.

 

LOL, that's certainly true.

The two things I can't get my wife to understand are that there are no "hidden meanings" in whatever I say, and that if she want to get a message across to me she has to say it literally, not hint at it or beat around the bush. Men and women definately think differently.

 

Sorry about the lack of details with the day. Yes, I did end up picking up the other two kids. I'm not some deadbeat that would rather watch football than pick up my kids, I just lost track of about 10-15 minutes of (very) important time.
While I may not think it's right I will continue to kiss butt and reap the benefits of doing so.
Thank you for the wonderful comments and for not judging the situation. You are all a great source for venting. Keep the remarks coming. It's good to see that most marriages are the same.