‘Twas the night before Christmas, When all through the shop,
The lights where flickering, And my welder was hot,
The body hung over the suspension with care,
Hoping that Saint Nick will soon put a lift under there,

Closed my eyes and imagined being in bed,
But there where visions of pistons pounding in my head,
Now the welder has burnt my cap,
Letting me know I really need a nap,

From across the shop there arose such a shatter,
I ran right over to see what’s the matter,
There sat my windshield, with all that smashed glass,
I pulled the electrical chord too hard, sending tools into it in a mass,

Now I’m working on those bolts rusty and old,
Breaking my knuckles open on the steel so cold,
I bandage up and try again,
If it breaks, hope there’s an extra bolt in the can,

The truck bed filled with presents to be had,
If I don’t fix this, the kids will be really mad,
Running out of time, the clock is ticking away,
I probably should have done this yesterday,

I wipe the grease on my pants and shirt,
My head is pounding, it really does hurt,
Dawn has broke, kids are waking up,
I need to move this old pickup truck,

I put it all together and give it a try,
The effort brings a tear to my eye,
All this time busting my ***,
Turns out I was just out of gas.

 

He probably won't find any gas on Christmas morning either!

 

I don't remember who it was but someboyd posted this last year:

Twas the night before Xmas
And all through the car
components were groaning
they'd been very far

The owner a speed freak
had followed the line
pedal to the metal
twas tight trouser time

The box she was leaking
the diff was a groan
the gearbox was cranky
the transfer did moan

The tires were just legal
tho enourmously big
it wasnt ground clearance
just a bloody big rig

The poor tired engine
had run out of puff
its oil almost solid
twas ready to snuff

And just like its owner
the car was so mean
there wasnt a mechanic
anywhere to be seen

But Santa was watching
this horror unfold
and spoke to his elves
and said to be bold

And thus did it happen
one bright Xmas morn
It wasn't a Cruiser
It wasn't some ****

It stood there all gleaming
standing tall on the ground
The neighbours were puzzled
they gathered around

What is it they wondered
its so very big
its not like his cruiser
what a great rig

He started the engine
it purred a great sound
the rumble and roar
pounding the ground

So he puffed out his chest
and he said to them "So..
how do you like Mini Me
what do ya think, ya know??"

Its nice they agreed
but oh what is that smoke?
It smells like the devil
they started to choke

This one is not petrol
he explained with a grin
You'll never believe
that the fuel bills so thin

And so did it happen
the clever little weasel
he'd turned in his spark plugs
and gotten A DIESEL.

 

Haha, those are both pretty sweet.

 

HA!! As a former quickie mart employee, I can tell you..
Those scumbags don't care what holiday it is, if there's money to be made, they're open.

 

yeah,even the gas station in the town my mom and dad live in is open christmas,and there are only around a 1,000 people that live there with 2 towns of 20,000 and 40,000 people with in 20 minutes. so it's not like the small town gas station is the last chance for a 100 miles or somehting.

 

Ok,I gota try this at least once!

Twas the night before christmas
And all through the pad
The king went lookin for protection
But there was none to be had

So he turned to the Queen
And he said with a grin
Ill just retard my timing
So come here,lets begin

Well the queen looked at him
And said,You might be in luck
Ill give you what you want
If you just sell your truck

When all of a sudden
There arose such a commotion
As I started to scream
What gave you that notion!

When it comes to women and trucks
There is one thing Ive learned
Stick with the truck
You will never get burned!

No protection was needed
nor no kind of luck
I jumped out of bed
and took off in my truck!

The way that I see it
Women can get a nip and a tuck
But then so can a paint job
on my Ford pick-up truck

My truck will never leave me
You see I have the key
Or say,I have a headache
So you can just leave me be

Now dont get me wrong
I think women are great
But my truck is far better
With its 4by4 and V-8

Now the queen is quite mad
And says to my face
Between me and your truck
How did I get 2cnd place!

The answer was easy
And simple enough
You both have great bodies
But you are not built FORD TOUGH!