Monday Evening Chuckle...........
Thread Starter
|
New User
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 0
Likes: 24
Monday Evening Chuckle...........
From the newsgroups post by J & l
Oil Changing Instructions for Women
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent: $20.00 for oil
$1.00 for coffee
> Total spent: $21.00
Oil Changing Instructions for Men:
1) Go to O'Reillys Auto Parts and write a cheque for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
18) Next day; drag pan full of old oil out from beneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply an thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that the first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35)Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
(1992)in her overabundant chest.
36) Beer
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
flow.
38) Beer
39) Beer
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer
42) Lower car from jack stands.
42) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
43) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
44) Beer
45) Test drive car.
46) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
47) Car gets impounded.
48) Make bail: Get car from impound yard.
Money Spent: $50.00 parts
> $25.00 beer
> $75.00 replacement set of jack stands
> $1000.00 bail
> $200.00 impound and towing
>
> Total spent: $1350.00
>
Dennis https://www.ford-trucks.com/user_gallery/sizeimage.php?&photoid=1733&.jpg
Please Don't Ask Me Any Tough Questions As:
"I'm Saving My Memory For When I Develop Alzheimer's"
78 F-150 429CJ,Silver
w/Explorer Pkge.
641/2-Mustang 260,Pre-World's Fair Car.
64-Fairlane500 S/C waiting for a 390-4spd.
68-Mustang 289-Sunlit Gold 80,892Mi
78-Buick LeSabre 403 4V
84 Volvo DL Wagon
Oil Changing Instructions for Women
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent: $20.00 for oil
$1.00 for coffee
> Total spent: $21.00
Oil Changing Instructions for Men:
1) Go to O'Reillys Auto Parts and write a cheque for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
18) Next day; drag pan full of old oil out from beneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply an thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that the first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35)Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
(1992)in her overabundant chest.
36) Beer
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
flow.
38) Beer
39) Beer
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer
42) Lower car from jack stands.
42) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
43) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
44) Beer
45) Test drive car.
46) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
47) Car gets impounded.
48) Make bail: Get car from impound yard.
Money Spent: $50.00 parts
> $25.00 beer
> $75.00 replacement set of jack stands
> $1000.00 bail
> $200.00 impound and towing
>
> Total spent: $1350.00
>
Dennis https://www.ford-trucks.com/user_gallery/sizeimage.php?&photoid=1733&.jpg
Please Don't Ask Me Any Tough Questions As:
"I'm Saving My Memory For When I Develop Alzheimer's"
78 F-150 429CJ,Silver
w/Explorer Pkge.
641/2-Mustang 260,Pre-World's Fair Car.
64-Fairlane500 S/C waiting for a 390-4spd.
68-Mustang 289-Sunlit Gold 80,892Mi
78-Buick LeSabre 403 4V
84 Volvo DL Wagon
Moderator
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 2,643
Likes: 35
From: Orange County, CA
Monday Evening Chuckle...........
Ahhhh, how many times I've used the old "Stab the filter w/ screwdriver" method. 
The filter wrench is never there when you need it.
Gary
==============================
46 truck-6cyl now, 302/C4 soon
46 truck-flathead 8, 4spd
47 truck-getting a 429/C6
57 Ford FL 500-4 dr-312/AT
70 Mustang fastback-351W/FMX
72 Olds Vista Cruiser-350/AT
88 Bronco II, 500,000+ mi.
The filter wrench is never there when you need it.Gary
==============================
46 truck-6cyl now, 302/C4 soon
46 truck-flathead 8, 4spd
47 truck-getting a 429/C6
57 Ford FL 500-4 dr-312/AT
70 Mustang fastback-351W/FMX
72 Olds Vista Cruiser-350/AT
88 Bronco II, 500,000+ mi.
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
