Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Purchase a Latte from the local Starbucks.
2) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last
oil change.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Latte $ 3.00
Oil Change $30.00
Total $33.00


Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in
process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Have another beer.
17) Buddy shows up to help; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Have another beer....wait......#####, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy more beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump in first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Oops...Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Drain pan is empty; Discover that the used oil is buried in a
hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Have another beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Have another beer.
31) Slip while using wrench to tighten drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December(1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop
blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil....#####.......only have four
left (one on floor); go back to auto parts store in a taxi to get extra quart.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Taxi $24.50
Beer $25.00
Total-- $4174.50

But you know the job was done right!
AND YOU LADIES THOUGHT WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WE WERE DOING!!!!!!!!!




Primary rig is:
95' F-150 XLT 4x4, 302, 5 spd, MSD 6A, Sunroof, and some 32" BFG Muds .

Pictures are in!!


Then theres:
99' Mustang GT 4.6L
88' F-250 Superduty 4x4 351/c6
95' Mercury Cougar 4.6L V-8
80' E-350 300/6 with a
3 spd column shifter. Top speed is 65mph, Go Baby Go!

 

That's great , but you missed a few steps that I managed to include this weekend:

1) After changing filter and adding oil, move drain pan to front of vehicle
2) Get in vehicle, forgetting the chocks behind rear wheels
3) Start backing off ramps – vehicle not moving – give it more gas
4) Ramps shoot forward hitting full drain pan (did I mention it is FWD?)
5) Try and convince wife that used oil will act as a dry wall preservative


Steve

 

>18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
>19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
>20) Have another beer....wait......#####, drank it all yesterday.
>21) Walk to 7-11; buy more beer.
>22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil >to gasket surface.
>23) Dump in first quart of fresh oil into engine.
>24) Oops...Remember drain plug from step 11.
>25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
>26) Drain pan is empty; Discover that the used oil is buried in a
>hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.


When did we dump the second pan of old oil? Must have had a lot of beer can't even remember doing that.

I got a coworker that did the overnight drain. He didn't get a DUI. But he did pay about the same getting a motor dropped in. His kid like started the truck up the next morning with no oil in it.

 

im just crackin up! those instructions sound very familiar!

 

ok, I think I've got it...

how much beer should I start with? Im new to this, but your instructions seem mostly clear. I will give it a try tonight.

 

[updated:LAST EDITED ON 12-Jun-02 AT 12:08 PM (EST)]Sounds all in order to me, but I think you left out one part. Wife yelling at you for drinking to much beer.

 

 

>Sounds all in order to me, but I think you left out one part. Wife yelling at you for drinking to much beer.<

Sorry - you're wrong. Wife is standing in background having a glass of wine with that little smirk I'm sure you're all familiar with.

Carlene

 

>Sorry - you're wrong. Wife is standing in background having
>a glass of wine with that little smirk I'm sure you're all
>familiar with.


Indeed I am. Seen it many times. Women will never understand a guy's visceral need to tear something apart, then put it back together with his own two hands......only to come ask her for the checkbook and a ride back from the shop where he had his truck towed to get it fixed.


Ron