i have the roy d mercer anwsering on line #1
on line two it says
this is an answering machine, but i am at home, i am just screening my calls, so if i dont pick up you know that i dont want to talk to you

 

After reading this thread earlier, I ran to the answerphone, and figured out how to change from the generic message.. I had fun, putting on my best Peter Laurie (sp) voice, and said:

"This is the coffee maker - the ansaphone broke. I will perculate your message to the house owner when he returns"

It is the first silly message I have ever recorded, but today I got 3 messages, one from a stunned service industry person, and two from somone who totally lost it, laughing too much to leave a message - they tried twice, and never left more than guffaws of laughter. So, I will probably change it regularly.

 

Once I did an impression of that out of service guy. Deep voice and all. It went like this: "We're sorry, the people at this number aren't available right now. Please leave a message and they'll call back as soon as possible. This is a recording. Beep."

I called a number once and got this: "Hi, this is Jeff. You can leave me a message. Or ... you can leave a message ... in DETAIL. Think about it. Beep."

 

"Hello this is Kikr, I can't get to the phone right now, but if you'll quack like a duck I'll call you back" Most people would quack while giggling.

 

Helloooo.....how are ya?.....wait.......(faint voice)"what......you mean to tell me"........this isn't me.......ok, well then, just leave one and i'll get back to you soon........(faint voice)are you sure?click

 

Haha. I'm so glad I read this thread... on my cell phone I have the classic "I'm not hear, leave a message, etc...." Now I have to change it to something good... I've been inspired!

 

I used to have an answering machine. I threw it out. Most calls were from someone that would hang up or would be someone I didn't want to talk to anyway.

 

Themessage on my answering machine and the voice mail on my cell phone are both the same thing. All I do is just say my name, that is really anyone needs, they can figure the rest out as they go.

 

on my cell phone i did the "hello?...... HELLO?........ IS ANYONE THERE?......... just kidding, you reached bob, im not answering the phone so leave a message, and i might get back to you." the first time my friend called, he was talking to the recording!! he left me a message like he was in shock, he felt like a big dummy!

 

At home, it's "You've reached 1234567, the Blank's can't take your call, please leave.........blah, blah blah.. "

Seems like I get 3 types of calls.
#1 - Hello, is this "so&so's Market" or "Is Billy there?" In either case, it's a wrong #, ON the machine, AFTER the # and last name are given. Why not just go for #2.

#2 - Hangs ups. Because even though you wanted to call and yap in my ear for God only knows how long, spending 20 seconds on my answering machine to I'll know to call you later is out of the question. And, don't forget to gripe later because you can't get ahold of me, and I never call back.

#3 - "Please call 18001234567 for important information." Are ya kiddin? You really want ME to call YOU so YOU can keep ME on hold for a while, and then try to SELL ME SOMETHING. Yeah, 'cause I need new windows, really I do.


Now, my Cell Voice Mail is simply "Hey, it's me, leave a message."
I get dumb folks leaving messages for the wrong people ALL the time on that one.
Best one, as close as I can come to making it word for word....
In a paranoid, inmate sounding voice (use your imagination)
"Momma, they picked me up Momma, I don't know why. Dey sayin' I dun somethin wrong. I immnocent Momma, I sweah. I didn't do nuthin, Mamma. They gonna send me up this time Momma, I know it. I guess I dun somethin' bad, dey ain't tellin me whut. I gonna go Momma. Come to trial Momma."

Wow, I surprised myself, that's exactly it. I can only say thanks to the poor soul who left that on MY machine, for giving me at elast a half hour of free amusement.

 

I just have a simple message. "Hi you've reached ( insert name here ) You know the drill".......beeeeep.

 

I'm glad that this post has gone pretty good. It gives me some more ideas on what to say. Theologian, I think you will have a kick doing this. I take some of the clean jokes from here and save them to put on the machine later. Some people will hang up right away and others you can hear laughing so hard that they just can't leave a message. For the ones that hang up right away, their loss. If you don't have a couple of seconds for laughter in your life, then I feel sorry for those. I have had people tell me that their day was going so bad until they called. It helped them for a moment. I tired the fart machine and my wife said no way. Start talking, let a fart go and say excuss me must have been dinner and then finish with having to leave them room before the oder kills you. Something like that. Keep them coming so I can have more.

 

i hate long messages... i just say the number/leave a message...

few years ago when i had roommates one of them changed my message and it ****ed me off.. went something like "bob, fred and joe aren't home right now..." and he said it in his squeaky friendly voice... like what the hell... i have companies calling me to come work... i don't need people think i'm living with a bunch of hippie ******* like we're on some kind of three's company

 

My son's voice mail says "Hi this is Kyle, Please leave me a message..." You would be amazed at the number of people who leave messages that start with something like "Hey John, this is Joe, call me back."

 

I taped the shower sceen from Psycho and put on my answering machine.









But my wife made me change it