I know this is supposed to be something we ladies discuss with our packs, but I don't have one... before I begin I would like to note that I am a very trusting person, but once that trust is violated, I *almost* never give it back. I say almost because this was (sort of) the exception...
A while back I started "seeing" a guy. We had a lot in common, we'd stay up nights just talking about politics, religion... you name it, we discussed it... a truly intellectual conversation! I'd almost consider the entire three months we lived together (this was by random chance... we didn't move in together or anything on purpose!) one long conversation. Well, he started acting "funny" toward the end of that time, and as it was nearing time for him to return home for a few weeks (out of state) before heading back up to school, we had a "talk". I couldn't understand why we couldn't hang out when he got back because I only lived a half hour away, but I figured it was his last term and he wanted to concentrate on his studies. (I was obviously wrong...)
We hung out a couple of times, and then he started to call less frequently. In fact, the decrease was so regular I picked up on it almost immediately. Well, one day, he just didn't return my calls. I firmly believe that if somebody doesn't want to talk to me, I'll leave them alone, because I'm not going to change their mind about me, so I did... I left it alone. But never for one second did I expect to find out a couple months later *from my former sorority sister!!* that one of our alumni, who also lives in the area, saw him at a Pizza Hut "all over some girl". I was crushed, but I half-expected it. I called on his birthday to say goodbye, I left a polite voicemail and that was that.
Well, we started talking again after a long while (I don't know why I ever picked up the phone after that...) and then we sort of had a "relationship". I'd drive almost 1400 miles round trip to see him on weekends. He sometimes had business to take care of up here, and while he was up, would come see me. I was visiting over a holiday and overheard his mother say something about me over the phone to a friend, and that sort of pushed me over the edge. I was scared because I had driven 11 hours to a place where I didn't know anybody and I kind of felt like he was ignoring me... and I started crying. I am not somebody who cries often. It's pathetic when I do... you never want to see it. Well, I brought up that I kind of felt left out... I didn't go down there to look at the scenery, you know? Not alone anyway... well after that I was okay-ish. But then the next time I was visiting it got worse... we hung out with some friends and they all were ignoring me in a way. This is understandable, I think, because they were talking tech and so used to each other, they probably couldn't even hear me. But honestly, I started to realize that (I feel) he didn't really want to bother with me. I cried later that weekend again, for about two hours, and almost left without saying goodbye, never to be seen again... (I know, it's so dramatic!! )
So anyway, since slightly before then our phone conversations turned into me talking because he wouldn't. Also around this time his buddy came by to visit for the summer, so again I thought this was it. But soon I realized that I was a chore to him, he'd call faithfully every night and (probably) resent the fact that we were on the phone burning up air time... So I told him not to call me anymore, that we should stick to email because it would be more convenient for us. Well... here's the bad part... he's doing it again. Spacing the time between emails (we're up to a week and a half!) and I'm concerned that he's gotten back with his cheating ex again and that he just doesn't have the cohones to admit it again. I realized that I don't trust him enough to even keep him as a friend... after all that, why would I?
So on to my question... having heard much of my story (keep in mind that I am a girl and as such this is all potentially subject to emotion-induced discrepancies and "feelings") is it safe to say that there is no salvaging any of this? I know he can be an incredible person... but from personal experience I also know he can be an incredible jerk. Maybe I'm just being silly and reading too much into this, but it keeps me up at nights! I've come to terms with the fact that I care about him deeply, but also that it's really hurting me to deal with him... Should I just run away from the situation altogether? Has anybody cared to read this far? I'd appreciate any opinions... I've never actually had a relationship before, and I'm not totally sure this one even counts...

 

Been there ...done it ...got the movie.

Get your fishing rod out & Move on

 

Y'know I have seen this a few times, One of my friends are dealing with a problem like this only he won't listen to me or anyone else. His girlfriend seems to be cheating with her ex and others, she actually came onto me once, he caught her with his cousin in a bathroom at a bar, her excuse then was that they were drunk! Newsflash, that kinda stuff don't happen because yer drunk, it happens because you wanted it to happen. So it is probly for the best if you just leave that guy and move onto someone else. It will atleast be better for your sanity anyway.

 

Run like the wind! If this guy was into you as much as you are, or were into him, he wouldn't treat you like a burden. I met this girl last year over the internet and we clicked. We exchanged phone #'s and talked for hours at a time. We decided to meet after 2 weeks of talking to each other, and met for a drink at a local watering hole. We got along, (I thought) and we talked until 3 am. I went home feelin' perty good about it.
Then she did what this guy is doing to you. She had her friend answer the phone and tell her she wasn't there even though I heard her in the background. When I could get her on the phone, she would suddenly get sooo sleepy that she had to go to bed. I finally got the hint and just stopped calling her. So you should just walk away from this jerk and wait for someone who will appreciate you, great guy's like us are out there.

 

let me see...every time your with him, he hurts your feelings, and your feel bad because he dont treat you right. good grief girl, get some self esteem and move on. remember you're half of this problem

 

I wouldn't say she's half his problem, I'd say HE is his problem, he could at least admit to cheating or do somthing other than hurt her all the time.

 

(Other Bower here)
The first one is the hardest to get over...at least it was for me. I went through almost the same thing before I wised up and quit wasting my time with someone who didn't appreciate me. Sounds like this guy is just too spineless to admit he doesn't want a relationship with you, and no amount of effort on your part is going to get him into one without resentment on his part. It may be hard, but I'd keep my distance from this guy. You don't seem to be sure if you want him as a friend or a boyfriend, and if you can't see him without wanting a more serious relationship then you'd be better off not seeing him at all. You'll find someone who treats you better. IMHO.

 

Everyone here is exactly right on the money. I went through some stuff like this cept for I was the one who was trying to ignore her (she cheated on me, wouldnt stop calling, the usual). Walk away now while you still have your dignitity and dont let this arsehole treat you like that. If I had a girl that was willing to drive 1400 miles round trip to see me for a weekend, I would spend every waking moment with her. Itll all turn out for the best if you walk away from him now. You'll get through this and meet someone that actually deserves you.

 

the easyiest way to get over a guy, is to find another guy. I am sort of in a situation like this, except I want to be the "another guy", but she is still caught on her ex. but the only thing people like us can do is have fun with friends and look somewhere else.

 

I don't encourage "Re-Bound " dating.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day when you least expect it girl ........... Poof !

You have met a knight in shining armour or ......shining Ford Pick-up

 

Just get rid of him and be done with it. There is no sense in trying to work it out with a piece of garbage like him

 

I say to get rid of him. There are PLENTY of nice, single guys out there. This guy is a poor communicator and obviously has poor taste in women since he's not choosing to date someone who is a Ford Truck Enthusiast! He's not honest and up front with you. Perhaps he's just not interested.. but he should tell you that. Let him go. It's his loss, not yours.

 

I agree with everyone, move on. If he calls, don't talk to him.

 

Same type of crappy thing happened to me and I was about to ask that big question. I'm glad I smelled the roses, I saw her a few weeks later in a bar and she came up to me to talk and said, I remember this exactly " I haven't heard from you in a while, what's up?" I looked right at her and said (maybe ther's a reason" and I went to grab anohter beer. It felt so great, plus it made my beer taste better.

 

Thanks for the opinions! I kind of thought I was the only person out there dumb enough to put myself in a situation like I'm in... for the record, I'd like to say he did a lot of nice things for me, I learned a lot from him, and he's history.