Funeral Etiquette

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Jul 28, 2004 | 12:12 PM

1970f2504x4

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From: Summit, NJ

Funeral Etiquette

One of my best friend's younger sister lost her huband. He was a marine and was killed in Iraq this weekend. We've known their family for a long time and I know his sister pretty well. I've never met her husband. He was from the area and they were married pretty quick last year. My wife and I plan on going to the wake, but I'm not sure if the Funeral is strictly a family thing or if it's based on request, etc. We certainly would like to be there to pay our respects and support the families, but we don't want to overstep our bounds. Is the funeral itself more of a family / invited thing? I know burial is usualy strictly family... I wasnt' sure. Most funerals I've been to were family or by request (Fire Dept).

Jul 28, 2004 | 12:21 PM

85e150

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The obit usually details public/private. Ask someone close to the family.

What a drag.....my condolences...........

Jul 28, 2004 | 12:22 PM

c_ranger00

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From: Houston, Tx

not sure about a military funeral, never been to one...the funerals i have been to have been kind of a "just show if u want to go" kind of thing...during a time like this the last thing the family needs is to remember who to "invite" to the funeral...if u are going to the wake then i would see no problem in going to the funeral...like i said i am not sure about a military funeral though just my $.02...oh and sorry to hear about that, i'll keep the family in my prayers

Jul 28, 2004 | 12:24 PM

F150Texan

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From: Hockley, Tx.

I have been to a few funerals and the whole process has been open to anyone wanting to pay their respects. I have seen people come to the wake and not attend the funeral as well due to scheduling conflicts. I've never seen one where the burial was restricted to just family, unless it is a celebrity being buried or something along those lines.

Hope this helps some...it would probably vary depending on special circumstances or perhaps even it is done differently in other areas of the country.

Jul 28, 2004 | 12:28 PM

Jmatteau

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From: Connecticut

Usually the wake is open to all, unless it says otherwise in the Obituary (speeling). Same goes for the Funeral. Same goes for Military Funerals, I have been to a few, and there are a lot of people there.

Jul 28, 2004 | 01:35 PM

Ghostgunn

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If you are close to the family , then you are family. My grandfather was a very famous soldier, cia operative, spy,military advisor, and government advisor. He was buried in Arlington and heads of states ,media, diplomats, family and friends were all in attendance. I really think there is never a limit- with the exception of who goes over to the house afterwards(If they have such a meeting)- that may or may not be only a direct family. I hate to think that anyone would be offended by showing your respects to this man willing to give his life for his country- they may in fact notice if you are not there although. Your friend actually may need/want your support at this terrible time. I say offer your support and attend.

Jul 28, 2004 | 02:08 PM

1970f2504x4

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From: Summit, NJ

Yes, we are planning on attending the wake and funeral. We are close to the family. I just wasn't sure what the etiquitte (if any) there was. They don't even know when things will happen yet.. I imagine it will take time get everything in order and to bring him home from Iraq. Thanks everyone for your suggestions and advice.

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Jul 28, 2004 | 06:43 PM

mrc59

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From: Metro DC

If you can find out the name of the Funeral Home, call. They'll have details. Generally, services announced in the obit are public. If the obit talks about a private ceremony, that's your cue. You're right to assume a funeral is public. A graveside ceremony don't have to be private, but can be at the family's request. May he rest in peace. God bless him, his family, and his service to our country.

Jul 28, 2004 | 07:27 PM

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1970f2504x4

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From: Summit, NJ

Thanks again everyone for your advice. My wife and I definitely will be there.

For anyone who's interested, here's an article that was written about him and what kind of a person he was:

http://www.nj.com/news/ledger/index....0819219117260.

Add a xml at the end of the link AFTER you click on it and hit enter. For whatever reason it would not take the full link. Again, that is a lower case x m l (without the spaces) added to the end.

My friend and his wife had to leave our wedding a little early so they could say goodbye to him before he left for Iraq.. he was barely into his second tour when he was killed.

Thanks again for the good advice.

Last edited by 1970f2504x4; Jul 28, 2004 at 07:50 PM.