"Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test
results. The insurance clerk says to him,

"I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a
problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the
samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent at the same time and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, the situation is either bad or terrible!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, one Mrs. Smith tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other
Mrs. Smith has tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife.

"That's terrible! Can we do the test over?"

"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO and they won't pay for these
expensive tests more than once in a year, so we can't repeat the test
until next year."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off on the outskirts of
town... and if she remembers the way home, don't sleep with her"

 

ware do you guyes here all of these jokes?

 

After a long nite of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"NO, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who is he, then"? he damands.
"That's me before the surgery."

 

ware do you guyes here all of these jokes?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Darn English language

Do you actually mean : Where do you guys Hear all these jokes.

 

I think that's something new. Similar to ebonics..but used by white folks. Guess we will have to call it Englbonics, Honkeybonics or something like that. Anyway...two good jokes.

 

Aha! Since I often mistype a Google search inquiry, this confirms my longheld suspicion that Mil1ion and Google are one and the same. No wonder he can find all that information so quickly!

 

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realises that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable." The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly... com-for-da-bul".

 

Last one, I could go on forever.........

A Cat died and went to heaven. God met her at the golden gate and said,"You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking". The cat thought a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on. "God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to heaven at the same time. God met the mice at the gates of heaven with the same offer that he made the cat. The mice said, "Well we have had to run all of our lives, from cats, dogs and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates we would never have to run again". God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is every thing okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh it is wonderful. I have never been so happy in my life. My pillow is so fluffy and those little meals on wheels you have been sending over are delicious."

 

I saw this one earlier today over on thehighroad.org:

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune....
"One US soldier is better than ten Taliban"
The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes then silence. The voice then call out.....
"One US soldier is better than one hundred Taliban"
Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune, and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence. The voice calls out again....
"One US soldier is better than one thousand Taliban".
The enraged Taliban commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannons, rockets and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.
Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with
his dying words tells his commander..... "Don't send any more men...it's a trap.......there's two of them!!"


Ryan