. . . It's a funny thing, life. I was at my house last night having a beer with a good friend of mine, and a strange question came to mind. "When will I know when I am truly a man?" Some of you may laugh at such a question, remembering " the day I became a man I was 16 and my father . . ." But really?

Some of you may know, I am a soldier. I joined when I was 17, never wanting anything else in life but to be soldier. My childhood was typical, not the greatest, but I was grateful for my parents and the way I was brought up. I have been a soldier for 6 six years, I have a beautiful wife and a 22 month old boy who never fails to brighten any kind of a day.

I don't make a lot of money, my base pay is $1891.00 a month, I get BAH for housing, and BAS for food. I have my 2003 F-150, 1989 Bronco II and I just bought a 2000 Yamaha V-Star. In February I bought my first home, a simple 3-bedroom house with garage. I have excellent credit, obviously, and I really don't mean this in a bragging way. You could say that I am completely domesticated.

It's just that there's something inside of my that wonders if it's all really true . . . I am 23 years old . . . Should I be telling this kind of a story or should it sound more like a college spring-break tale. Have I forced growing up? Am I going to be 35 years old and bitter at the world for not having my wild 20's? I know that I have responsibilities and nothing will ever get in the way of my being a good husband and father, and providing for my family. But there is still a longing for something . . .?

Has anyone ever felt like this before, and does it pass????

 

I'm 25 in June. I never realy felt like a "man" intill I became a soldier. I didnt feel like a soldier untill my rights of passage ceramony at basic. DS stoped calling us "Worthless Pukes" and started calling us "Soldiers", a title that we earned. I dont know about you, but that was a huge moment for me. Some how all of a sudden, I saw things a lot differantly than I use to.
I havent had a "wild 20's" either, but that's not something I think I need, or want. I grew up on a farm, and all who did the same know you have to grow up fast on a farm. I got my first "real" job when I was 14 chopping firewood and selling it to neighbors and gave some to the feed store who sold it for me. Been busting my butt ever sence, then joined the military.
The way I see it is I would rather bust my tail while I'm young and able so when I hit my 20 year mark I can retire and enjoy life. Of course, I'd still have to work a little (lazy aint in my blood) but atleast then I could settle down on some land with horses and the like.

 

Well you can relax,your normal,everyone has or gets those feelings at one time or another,there have been many times that I wish I had changed my 20`s,then30`s,and now hitting 50 I look back and realize,yeah things might have been different if I had done this or that,but then that is a part of living.you are always learning something.As far as becoming a man,well some guys never grow up,just as my family,but then some also take life way to serious and loose out on alot of laughs and fun.Just be yourself,be fair,be honest,and enjoy that new house,your trucks,your life.And by the way congrats on the house.You sound far wiser than your years.

 

It's part of growing up dude.
Some peps are forced to grow up quicker than others, some people take on \ accept responsabilites sooner than others.
Sounds like you are grounded, take care of your family, bills & yourself.
Have reasonalbe fun in llife.
Take serious things seriously, take light things lightly, if that make sense.
You have to be true to yourself & God.

 

David.Brady,
First let me say "Thank you" for your service to our great country. My son is career Air Force and I realize the type of sacrifice you military people make for very little pay.

Now to your question. I am 57 years old, have raised 3 very well adjusted and successful children, have retired from a good paying job with a very comfortable retirement, have done quite a bit of traveling (48 or 50 states and 8 foreign countries), and still I frequently wonder if I have done all I could/should have done. I frequently have doubts about decisions I have made. I think it is natural. It seems to me you are questioning whether you have taken the right path. My friend, if you are a good husband and father and a good soldier, you are all you can and should be. You may often wonder if things could have been different, that is natural, but if you can take pride in the way you conduct your life and if you are happy and content then what you are doing it is right for you! It is not necessary to compare yourself to what others are like or do. And it is certainly not necessary to compare yourself to the way the popular media wants to portray young adults. Be proud of your accomplishments and your commitment to God, country and your family. You sound like a better man than the vast majority of 23 year olds who are partying every night and chasing the cheap thrill. Thank God for young men like you.

 

This country would be a lot better off if more people at 17 joined up and grew the heck up while serving their country than wasting their lives and brain cells with stuff like you see on MTV. I included myself in this assessment, I went to college, mostly to play football, I got a good education and now i have a job and i'm a responsible person, but I partied and screwed around a lot too. David brady has A LOT more to be proud of than I do. It will always bother me that there is no way in heck I could ever do what you do b/c of medical issues (tried to get into the Naval Academy out of HS, and even talked to all the recruiters but bad genetics and football injuries ultimately did me in), you guys are my heroes. You did the right thing, regrets suck but they are part of life. Thanks for serving your country and growing up sooner than you had to so that this country can always be great.

 

I joined the Army at age 17 and only have few regrets. I did miss out on a lot of things that my peers in school got to jump into out of school, but the experience and maturity I gained from the service was well worth it. Now all you have to do is use that experience and maturity when you get out. Don't allow yourself to fall into the drinking and partying trap like so many others do upon ETS. I salute you and all my military brothers and sisters.

 

When do you become a man? The answer is simple really...

When you take responsibility for, and accept the consequences of, your actions. It has nothing to do with age and everything to do with attitude. I've known some boys in their early teens who where more "men" than many "grown ups" I've known.

 

David, I kow what you mean. I am 21 in hte military. And yet....I feel like a kid tryin to live in a grown up world still, well maybe nota kid, but still a young guy in his teens, not having much of a care jsut wanting to live a little while I am still young. I have not grown up yet, or dont belice I have, and I know I still have alot to go, and yet, am I supposed to be a 'man' in that sense, or still be the young guy having fun still....I dont know. I am lost. and being lost like this causes me to not get hings done, becuase I DONT know what I should be doing.....

 

I am quite a bit older than you, and I still wonder what I want to be when I grow up.....

 

i'm only 20 and also grew up farming so i had responsibility at an earlier age than most. i think this was a great thing, but i have also learned, in my 20 short years, that looking and learning from the past is ok, but dwelling on the past will bring regret and discouragement. be content with what you have and where you're at and look to the future.

 

Im 39 and like you i made some decisions that affected me having my "wild twenties". I had a thing with a girl in high school and she got pregnant so in october of my senior year i dropped out and went to work. by he time the baby was six months old she left me and went on her way. from like 18 1/2 to 20 i was a complete wildman when i met a woman who was 11 years older than me. She and i had a whirlwind thing that we ended up married and having two kids. That marriage lasted almost 13 years when i couldnt takke it anymore. she was more of a stable person and i well i was tired of picket fences and home life well we broke it off. by that time we had the new cars the house the yard the dogs etc i wanted more excitement. i rand wild for another couple of years and now ive sorta settled back down. All the time ive owned my own house and had decent cars and new cars.. i own my own construction company and am doing well by some peoples standards.
Its hard to predict whats going to be but i for one in retrospect was waay too young to be tied down and in hind sight i never woulda done it that way had i had it to do over.
That is my experience i have friends whove done like me and are real happy. ultimately it is YOU who will make the decision years from now as to whether this was the right decision for you

 

I am 34 and was married at 20 so i never had my "wild" days. Looking back on the last 14 years there are things I would change but having responsiblitys and a loving family I would not change. I look at my brother in law and his friends who are the same age as me with no responibilitys and feel sorry for them. They are missing out on the fun and love of a family.

Chris

 

It sounds like the consensus is that when you become a man, you realize it. I kinda have over the past month. I dropped out of college, went into the workforce, I'm working on buying a newer truck, and am planning on going to community college this fall, while still working to support my new truck. I've also realized that I'm not going to be young forever (I'm only 20), so I'm still partying while I can living here in the fraternity house. In addition to this, part of me feels that I want to start looking more towards settling down once I'm done with schooling (my program has me graduating Spring 2007). So I'm also looking for a good steady girl that I might want to spend the rest of my life with when I'm finished and have my degree. Anyway, I got off topic. Like I said, you have an awakening when you become a man. Part of mine was when I was initiated into my fraternity, part was this past month. But I've also still got some parts that haven't been revealed to me yet.

 

Is it a rule that one must have wild 20s? Have your wild 20s when you turn 110…….Buy a convertible and install a killer stereo, now or then. Just Enjoy life