Sorry folks but i'm having a hard time focusing at work today so i thought i'd post out here. To make a long story short, i left my now ex boyfriend about two months ago. During those two months we tried to rekindle the love we used to have, however, he turned rather "psychotic" on me with in the last couple of weeks. One minute he was very nice the next he was going off the wall and being very mean to me verbally. So i made the decision to go get the last few belongings i had at his place last night. I brought a friend with in fear that he would do something drastic to hurt me. Fortunately i did not have to see him while i was there. But then i leave and he starts calling me leaving me messages being all sweet and telling me that he didnt want it to go down like this and that he still loves me and had hoped i would have gone in and talked to him to see if there was still a chance. I did not answer when he called at all. I thought i would be able to handle this better than i am. I know i did the right thing but i'm really hurt and upset that he waited until it was too late to say the things i needed and wanted to hear!

Thanks folks for listening!

 

i got no clue how old you are, but i am 38 and the one thing im sure of is love isnt suppoused to hurt. you did the right thing and frankly i really hope that now you can move forward and find someone who will not hurt ya and wo will treat ya like an adult. My advice to you is that if he insists on calling you and harassing you is to get the police involved. if he is not a total moron the he will get the message. if not youre going to have to alter your life change numbers perhaps move and change your address on things to a postal box. Ive worked with attorneys who deal in matrimonial issues and have heard real horror stories.

 

First ,I sure hope you are female. lol.Second, jerks like him are always sorry for the past and and that they will change,etc.Cut your losses on this one.You'll thank yourself later.When you meet someone who treats you with love and respect you'll wish you would have left sooner.Go out and meet new people.start your life out on the right track.good luck

 

I think love stinks too. (see sig)

 

(Other Bower here)
Been there, done that. You don't need it, trust me.
Don't let someone else control your emotions or reactions. By putting you down, then sucking up later, he is just putting all kinds of doubts and thoughts in your head. You did the right thing by getting out of there. Verbal abuse is still abuse, and could lead to physical abuse later. You can find someone who will treat you right without the BS. Don't stoop to his level by letting him mess with your mind, just walk away and start over.
Hard sometimes, I know, I went through a string of losers before realizing that I was just hurting myself by staying and that I deserved better. So do you!

 

I was married to a very angry man for fifteen years, fouteen of those were torture. The abuse I suffered was never physical, but the verbal and mental abuse I went through has damaged me emotionally. The last year of my marriage, my ex started taking anger management courses and he also went on medication. He was a completely different person. But you know, it was too late. It didn't matter at that point how much better he was. It didn't matter that he kept promising that he will never do it again. I could no longer trust him. I lived in fear of another disagreement, and I had zero tolerance for any confrontations with him.

I don't know how long you two were together, and if this is a side that just recently popped up. But if you've walked away already, keep going and don't look back to wonder 'what if'. Until he realizes what he is doing , and gets help. His anger will always come back. And you have to realize that no one deserves to be treated like that. Just wish him the best, and move on.

Stay strong, and good luck.

 

Run and don't turn back. He is "sorry" now. He'll be "sorry" next time. And he'll be "sorry" a thousand times after that. They don't change.The only reason he is sorry is that he realizes what he let get away and will probably never find another good one. Good luck in the quest for someone deserving of you.

 

My heart goes out to you, my dear. It's time to go on and don't look back, as you were already advised to do. There's no excuse for any kind of abuse, mental or otherwise. This guy has issues and you don't need to be the brunt of them. There's still a few of us good guys left. Mental abuse is not just a female issue. I dealt with verbal and mental abuse from my ex-wife for years until I said enough. It was hard and got worse during our separation and the kids suffered too from it. Things are better now and my current better-half (and she really is) is the best. I wouldn't have my classic cars, my truck, or my classic parts business I run with her help as book keeper on the side if it wasn't for her love and support. More importantly than material things, we are soulmates. I couldn't say enough great things about her. We try to do everything together and she goes to all the car cruises and swap meets with me gladly. I believe now that there is someone for everyone. You'll find him when you don't expect it and aren't looking.

 

You did the right thing, don't look back.

 

....If ya can, take some time off and go somewhere warm for a few days, just get outta town and take some time to download...turn off the cell phone...create some space (mentally/ physically or both) between you and him...

Many times in situations like this we're to close to the issues to look at things objectively...Many times our emotions tend to blow things out of proportion or minimalize the issues....Look back over the WHOLE relationship and weigh the good in one hand and the bad in the other and ask yourself...."Which is heavier?". Be honest with yourself, go into that deep dark place we all have within...You'll see the truth, then its only a matter of accepting it and then acting accordingly. STOP living in denial and STOP trying to justify negative behavior.....
The hardest part is just accepting to let it go....start a new chapter.

Just my $0.02

 

You guy's and lady's are the best. The more i hear people tell me i did the right thing the easier it gets.

Fordfaggiole-yes I am a female. LOL

I do know i did the right thing, and as one of my good friends pointed out last night that someone who made me afraid for my life is not someone I should be with, it is someone i should run fast from! How true that is, and i didnt think of that until she pointed it out. The last couple of weeks i have been living in fear of him doing something to hurt me. Now I do not have to live in quite as much fear. He does not know where i live or work...and now i thank god for that!

Again i appreciate all of your kind words and advice. With each post from you folks i realize more and more I will get through this.

 

And dont look down on bald guys . Yes us good guys are out there floating around waiting for the right one. Dont look back at that loser, go have your cell number changed if u want. Dont be sad, he sounds like a loser that will always be "sorry" no matter what he does. There is a nice one out there for ya. But remember dont look over the bald guys, just cause our head may blind u in the brightest of the day, we are still good guys. Plus we dont mind having our head waxed every now and then .


MavStallion ....... thats what i need, a female that enjoys cars as much as i do, lol.

 

He's the loser. You are a winner.

Glad to see your instincts got you out before he escalated the abuse.

Abusers are always sorry, until they abuse again.

Take time to heal. Better days are here already.

Oldbones

 

Well, it seems to me a great many have missed a few very important details in your post so I guess I will address them.

You say that you left him 2 months ago, but that he has only become "psychotic" with you within the last couple of weeks.
You do not say whether his being "psychotic" was your reason for leaving him to begin with.
For another, who is this friend of yours? Do benefits come with this friendship? Not trying to be mean with you here, but you need to understand-these are questions which might actually be going through his mind as well. If he did indeed have problems, or abused you in any way than you were entirely justified in making a decision to remove yourself from harms way. Also in this case you should not have anything more to do with him.

If however he was not abusive and has only become the way he has since you announced your intentions to break up- than his behavior- though not justified- at least becomes understandable.
Having someone walk out on you-especially without being given a reason for it, is not an easy thing for anyone to go through.

Not trying to pry here either, but you did ask for advice so I'll ask,
Why did you leave him anyway? I'm having a really hard time believing that it was any form of abuse on his part that caused you to leave him. I say this for two reasons;

One- you have been trying to "re-kindle" the love so to speak. Why would you want to make an attempt like this with someone who is abusive to you? You seem smarter than that.

Two- you are coming on here asking all of us what to do, which shows you still have feelings for him, and are also having feelings of guilt for leaving. You don't seem like the type to stick around and be indecisive about someone who is abusive to you.

If you really wanted nothing more to do with him- for whatever reason- you should not have let any of your belongings remain at his place. Doing that would give him the feeling that he might still have a chance to work things out- hence the nice side. Then when he is'int getting the reactions from you that he's hoping for, he ends up wondering why on earth your stuff is still there- and blows up because he feels foolish for allowing himself to think things would work out.
If you were going to leave him than at least have the courtesy of letting him know that in your opinion he was the lowest form of life walking the planet. Make him aware in no uncertain terms that a baboon would have a better chance of getting into a relationship with you than he would. Make reference to how you always wished he could be like all your girlfriends' perfect boyfriends. These things may sound harsh- but these methods are actually much more merciful than allowing a guy to believe things can be worked out -which you know in your own mind cannot. He is not in a position to think straight for himself, and you are not allowing him to get over you this way.

If you left him because of someone else you fell in love with, I'd say chances are really good that you actually cheated on him and then fell out of love with him....not the other way around.
In this case you need to be honest with yourself. You need to realise that the ex (probably) is'int as bad as you've convinced yourself to believe he is, and that your new bf(probably) is'int as perfect as you've convinced yourself that he is either. Show the new guy some rejection and see how nice he is.....

Either way in this situation you need to make the choice- the ***** in your court so to speak, but just remember that what looks good today dosent always turn out peachy tommorrow.
The grass always looks greener-but unless you've resolved your own personal issues, you will never be satisfied.

As for abuse....if this was indeed the reason for leaving him, than you need your head examined for having any doubts about this-you cannot stay in that kind of relationship-no one deserves that.

I hope I have been a little helpful to you with this book,- at least I cared enough to write it..lol.
Good luck to you Miss!

 

Well since most people here have advised you to leave, I'm going to offer what to look for in the next one.

Main thought.


Find out how he treats his mother .

(Find a man who treats his Mother with respect)

Don't fall for a great (10) Looking guy !


Instead find an all-round 5 or 6.

A guy that:

1) Isn't bad looking or below average.Great looking guys have women hitting on them all the time so they don't have to try.
Whereas an average looking guy tries harder.
2) Has a great Personality.
3) Somewhat Educated (at least Grade 12)
4) Someone who makes you laugh
5) Someone with good self-esteem without being self-righteous
6) Someone who like to travel ( Nothing worse than being stuck in a 10 mile square from home)
7) Some guy who is thrifty.


If you find this guy, Hang on and don't let go ..Oh, and don't tell your friends until your in like Flint,otherwise they will want them )

Here's to a Happy Life with someone who treats you right