Friday Funnie's
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Friday Funnie's
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.
So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his
face.
He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured
he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that
will sober him up.
Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he
decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived
at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly
fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head
hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over
him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!"
"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent
look.
"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."
************************************************** ***********
And not so Funny but,unbelievable
(A true story from Associated Press, Reported by Kurt Westervelt)
At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story.
On March 23, 1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the 9th floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.
Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the 8th floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.
"Ordinarily," Dr Mills continued, "A person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide." That Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands.
The room on the 9th floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Mr. Opus. When one intends to kill subject "A" but kills subject "B" in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject "B."
When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both damant and both said that they thought the shotgun was unloaded. The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her.
Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, if the gun had been accidentally loaded.
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about 6 weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun
threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that
his father would shoot his mother.
Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisite twist.
Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the 10 story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the 9th story window. The son had actually murdered himself, so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
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Joined: Jun 2002
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From: SoCal
Friday Funnie's
Scary, where did this happen?
Since it's late, here is a PG joke:
;-)
The owner of a golf course in California was a little confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his blonde secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Florida. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought for a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
That's when you just know it's your time to go.
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