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SAFE FOR GNAC JOKE THREAD...PART 2

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Old Sep 12, 2024 | 01:56 PM
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SAFE FOR GNAC JOKE THREAD...PART 2

Apparently we broke the first thread...so...here's part 2...


 
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Old Sep 12, 2024 | 06:16 PM
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Originally Posted by BIGKEN
Apparently we broke the first thread...so...here's part 2...


U got to be kidding her, right!
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If we learn to play and sing Country music backwards we will get our Exes, High paying job and money back in that order !
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I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
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I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
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The Priest, Rabbi and Reverend Walk into the bar. Barman asks, “Is this some kind of a joke?”
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It's pl Lem FMC has finished its builds too!
 

Last edited by Papa Tiger; Jan 4, 2026 at 02:47 AM.
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Old Sep 12, 2024 | 06:42 PM
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Originally Posted by BIGKEN
Apparently we broke the first thread...so...here's part 2...

 
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Old Sep 13, 2024 | 04:10 AM
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Old Sep 13, 2024 | 04:13 AM
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Old Sep 13, 2024 | 09:14 AM
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Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then, there is silence in the pickup truck.
To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Fred is thinking: ...so that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had my pickup at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for another $150 oil change here.
And Martha is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Fred is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I already paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Martha is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Fred is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty...scumballs.
And Martha is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...
"Fred," Martha says aloud.
"What?" says Fred, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...oh dear, I feel so..."(She breaks down, sobbing.)
"What?" says Fred.
"I'm such a fool," Martha sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Fred.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Martha says.
"No!" says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Martha says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
"Yes," he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)
"Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Fred.
"That way about time," says Martha.
"Oh," says Fred. "Yes." (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
"Thank you, Fred," she says.
"Thank you," says Fred.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of the 2007 Fiesta Bowl between Boise State and Oklahoma. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the pickup, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.
The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.
They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.
Meanwhile, Fred, while fishing one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha's, will pause just before casting, frown, and say: "Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?"
And that's the difference between men and women.
 
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Old Sep 13, 2024 | 10:20 AM
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Old Sep 13, 2024 | 11:40 AM
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You know Guys, Why Rush a Big Mistake!
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If FedEx and UPS merged, would they call it Fed UP?
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Drivers voted UP / HOURS
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Q. ... Why do some University graduates hang their diplomas from their rear-view mirror?
A. ... So, they can use handicapped parking.



 
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Old Sep 13, 2024 | 07:34 PM
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Originally Posted by BIGKEN
Apparently we broke the first thread...so...here's part 2...
Can this part 2 thread be made sticky like part 1 was?
 
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Old Sep 13, 2024 | 07:34 PM
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Old Sep 13, 2024 | 09:41 PM
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... ... Is that boring procrastination? .... .... waiting on stuff later?
2011 F150 MZ Whit't can hang herself up under a bridge too with its Warn Winch.



 
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Old Sep 14, 2024 | 06:20 AM
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Originally Posted by alloro
It's possibly quite an interesting story how that truck came to be in that position???????
 
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Old Sep 14, 2024 | 06:28 AM
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Old Sep 14, 2024 | 07:38 AM
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Old Sep 14, 2024 | 08:22 AM
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