Random Thoughts
Posting Guru
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,321
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From: Western Colorado USA
Random Thoughts
1. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
2. Snowmen fall from Heaven, assembly required.
3. Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants.
4. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
5. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
6. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.
7. I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
9. I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
10. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
11. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and poophead's.
12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades... now THAT'S a message!
13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
15. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
16. I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
17. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
18. Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom.
19. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
20. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
22. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
23. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
2. Snowmen fall from Heaven, assembly required.
3. Food has replaced sex in my life, now I can't even get into my own pants.
4. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
5. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
6. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.
7. I got a sweater for Christmas...I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
9. I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
10. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
11. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and poophead's.
12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades... now THAT'S a message!
13. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
15. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
16. I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
17. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
18. Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom.
19. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
20. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
21. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
22. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
23. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
Random Thoughts
Elder User
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 778
Likes: 1
Random Thoughts
[updated:LAST EDITED ON 21-Jul-02 AT 10:01 PM (EST)]Thanks for the words of wizdom. I can go to work in the AM, knowing
the answers to lifes most perplexing questions. Thanks for the smiles.
Dave Powell
the answers to lifes most perplexing questions. Thanks for the smiles.
Dave Powell
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