Professional help is the best for you, and then she needs it.
Yourself first!
YOU may find after that you should not be together.
or you don't want to be with her
Get help and then talk

 

TL,
Trying to give someone advice is never easy, especially when every relatioship is different. I'm no guru on this stuff and have my share of hard times with my wife. You want her back, emotionally because she isn't the person that you are used to. She's diverted her attention to this "friend" and you might feel rejected. And if she has physically left, you want her back because not only is she not there, your son isn't either. There is a cloud that hangs over you and it seems like nothing is the same. The days just don't look right, the time goes slowly and your mind is racing. All the flowers in the world, jewelry, love and attention won't bring her back if she doesn't want to.
You say that you are from a broken home and you don't want that for your son. That is completely understandable, however you can't stay in a marriage for that reason. You'll be bending over backwards so often that you can't see straight. Thats not what a relationship is about. You should understand that a 2 year old child doesn't know true feelings yet. They are completely moldable at this point and will be for the next several years. You can still be a fantastic father from a different home. It would be far more beneficial to your son growing up in 2 happy homes, rather than one filled with hatred, doubt and suspicion. Or even one with the parents knowing that the only reason we are together is because of the kids. They'll pick up on that.
You can raise your child like any father does, and you don't just have to have him on weekends. You can have equally split times with him. In an example, I have a friend that gets the kids like this:
Monday: Dads
Tues: Moms
Wed: Moms
Thurs: Dads
Fri: Moms
Saturday and Sunday: alternate weekends at mom or dads
The kids 13 and 9 are totally cool with it. They have adjusted perfectly.
When I was a kid (11) my dad left. Never saw him much for a couple of years, then he started coming around again. He got into his 2nd mariage and at 15, I moved in with him. He and I became best friends for years before I moved out of state at 24.
We still have an awesome relationship.
Divorce was hard for me at 11, but I think both of my parents are better off. His 2nd marriage failed and now has a 10 year relationship and they are perfect for each other. He is now 57. They don't want to get married, that like things the way they are. My mom is in her 2nd marriage and is happier than ever.
I was a rotten husband in my first 3 years of marriage. Always out with the boys, playing around and leaving the wife at home with a toddler. The one thing that straightened my *** up:
I was served with divorce papers. I knew I didn't want this and if I didn't do something about it, I was going to lose everything I knew. My wife, my son, my sanity. I'm not saying thats going to work in your marriage, but perhaps you should check with an attorney, see what you can get for visitation or custody, let it fit your schedule, and have some papers drawn up. Serve them to her and go from there. Walk your own road, don't let her destroy your feelings by playing around. Be strong and know that there is someone else out there. Don't go looking for it, it will come in time.
I know that listening to everyone on here is much easier than trying to act on it. Just remember that you can still be a great single father (more time devoted solely to your son) and one day you'll find the real love of your life. Parenting is not just "mom and dad". It can be dad, or dad and his girlfriend, or mom and whoever. Divorce doesn't make you a bad parent. Your son will always be your son, what you do with it makes it that much better.
Wish you the best
-Jet

 

I sympathize with your situation here, because this past July I went through a breakup... a real bad one, too. We had been together for almost five years, were planning on getting married, talking about a new house... the whole "soulmate" trip. I did all I could to make her happy, up to and including neglecting my own family and farm, just to spend time with her. She rewarded me by going out while I worked in town, sneaking around with a coworker of hers, lying to me, and finally accusing me of beating her. I finally had enough, and confronted her about it all. She denied there being anyone else, but she also told me that she "did'nt think that it was going to work out with us", that she'd "known it for a long time, but did'nt want to see me hurt" by her leaving... the whole bit. I was left a bit cold, because there'd been no hint of trouble between us before. But she wanted to move out "for now", to give us some breathing space. So she did. And while she was gone, I took a long look at "us" and decided that she had shown her true colors, and that I did not want to be a part of her games anymore. And while I will always think of her with a certain fondness, I would not take her back under any circumstances. I have since found a woman who shares my interests, who will not be running around on me while I work, and who actually encourages me to spend time with my family.

Your situation has the added variable of a son, but if you spend quality time with him and love him no matter what, he will love you, too, no matter what happens to your relationship with his mother. And as others here have said, there is someone for everyone. Perhaps you need to consider that the mother of your son is not the one for you, even though you thought she was.

I hope it works out for the best, no matter what happens.

 

It might just be time to cut your losses and move on. If you dwell too much on this, you'll have a nervous breakdown. Take some time off dating, and after a while, when you are ready, go back at it. Also, don't worry too much about it, you'll find the right person when the right time comes. Everything always works out in the end.

 

I have only one answer, and I will always stand by that answer -

U-B-U

If you have to be someone else in order to salvage the situation - it wasn't right in the first place.

To be someone else in order to satisfy someone is to live a lie, in my opinion, and sooner or later it will fall apart.

Think about what you got together for in the first place. If it was all about appearances - it wasn't enough.

 

Thanks again to all - I continue to be awed by the wealth and depth of responses.

You all have been true friends.

Glenn . . .

 

Hang in their TL. Don't have any words of wisdom, just hang in there...

 

If I ever wanted somebody back, the first thing I would think about is why we split the first time. As it turned out, I was better off without them. I know thats not what you wanted to hear but its just my take on it. Theo is probably the best guy to talk to about that kind of stuff. He seems to be a little more patient than I.

 

While now this causes grief, some years from now you will look at this experience and find it amusing - and even positive.

I was involved once and found out that the person was _nothing_ who I thought she was. Not even close. Waaay off in my judgement! Needless to say, it was very upsetting to say the least.

I won't make that mistake again!!

 

Sorry, I got here late and had to skim a little. When my first wife started dumping me I was not aware that it was over before I ever knew. She humored me and did all the counselling ect. but she had been gone long before that. It really tore me up and I was a mess for 5 years. I really think it would have been easier if she had died. The worst day I ever spent with her was better than being alone, I thought. That was 1988-89. I haven't seen her since 91 and I still think about her, but I don't miss her or want her back. This woman was gone before you ever knew about it. Do the best you can for your child and move on if she has no desire to reconcile.
And if you absolutly must try to get her back, be a man. Women don't like or respect wimps. Be a little bit dangerous and unpredictable, be spontaneous. Go buy a Harley and start having some fun. Go kick her new boyfriends butt every once in a while. Well no I wouldn't do that.
Whatever you do don't snivel or grovel.
I think you need to find yourself before you find her. This sounds more like an obsession than actual love.

 

just be yourself. i was married to my first wife 11 years ( high school sweetheart) . 2 kids. i knew for sometime she was seeing someone else, use to listen to them on the phone at night making goo goo noises at each other. well after i found out she had been rat holing every penny i gave her to pay the bills for over a year i knew it was time for divorce. it cost me well over 100000.00 in child support, would have been glad to pay it if it had gone to the kids. anyway i decided then the only woman i would have would be one who understood me, supported me in what ever i did, and basically put up with all my crap. not looking i found one dated a total of 3 weeks and were married. been married over 7 years and no major problems. shoot she even let me keep my bikini calenders, and has even bought one or two for me, in the shop. the best thing is she supports me in what ever i do. their out there just set your mind on finding one who loves you for being you .

 

This is very important, the most important thing you can do for both of you.