The womans opinion:

"Men are like wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our
job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they
mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner
with."

And now, for the male response:

"Women are like wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and
intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age
until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."

 

i have heard that before. funny stuff.

 

Heres another:

ATM Machine

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances, MALE or FEMALE, and remember them when you use the machine for the first time."

MALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to the cash machine.
2 Put down your car window.
3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6 Put window up
7 Drive off



FEMALE PROCEDURE
1 Drive up to cash machine
2 Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window to machine
3 Set parking Brake, put the window down
4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card
5 Turn the radio down
6 Attempt to insert card into machine
7 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
8 Insert card
9 Reinsert card the right way up
10 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
11 Enter PIN.
12 Press cancel and reenter correct PIN.
13 Enter amount of cash required
14 Check make up in rear view mirror
15 Retrieve cash and receipt
16 Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside
17 Place receipt in back of checkbook
18 Recheck make-up again
19 Drive forward 2 feet
20 Reverse back to cash machine
21 Retrieve card
22 Re-empty hand-bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
23 Shake fist at irate male driver queuing behind
24 Restart stalled engine and pull off
25 Drive for 2 to 3 miles
26 Release Parking Brake

 

hahahahahahahahahahaha....wiz...I like your thinking there!

 

women are like wine
I don't mean they improve with age
I mean they turn into vinegar

 

wiz, thats sooo funny!!

 

hahahah that was good WIZ.

 

Hey alanscot.
I will use these at works in the am. And they say men have no hummer. HE created women did he not?

 

that was the truest one that I have seen yety..and still

 

Someone e-mailed this to me and I don't feel like cleaning up the formatting and typos, so please bear with them.

> >We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
> > here are the rules from the male side. These are 'OUR'
> > rules!
> >
> > Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
> >
> > -----------------------------------------------------
> > 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
> > If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need
> > it down. You don't hear us complaining about you
> > leaving it down.
> >
> > 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
> > say during commercials.
> >
> > 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
> > " See a doctor."
> >
> > 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
> > changing of the tides. Let it be.
> >
> > 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
> > going to think of it that way.
> >
> > 1.. Crying is blackmail.
> >
> > 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
> > one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not
> > work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
> >
> > 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
> > almost every question.
> >
> > 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
> > solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what
> > your girlfriends are for.
> >
> > 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in
> > an argument. In fact, all comments become null
> > and void after 7 days.
> >
> > 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
> > girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera
> > guys.
> >
> > 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
> > Don't ask us.
> >
> > 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
> > and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we
> > meant the other one.
> >
> > 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
> > how you want it done. Not both. If you already
> > know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
> >
> > 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
> > neither do we.
> >
> > 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
> > default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
> > not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
> > idea what mauve is.
> >
> > 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
> >
> > 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
> > will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are
> > lying, but it's not worth the hassle.
> >
> > 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
> > expect an answer you don't want to hear.
> >
> > 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
> > you wear is fine. Really.
> >
> > 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking - unless you are
> > prepared to discuss such topics as baseball,
> > sports, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
> >
> > 1. You have enough clothes.
> >
> > 1. You have too many shoes.
> >
> > 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
> >
> > 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have
> > to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know
> > men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

 

 

I minbd sleeping on the couch, but that is cause it is actually a love seat and there fore to short.....a full couch is quite comfy, I have slept on one for 6 months before. Every night....

 

Good one soksniffer. I had to copy that one for the board here at work. I also gave a copy to the wife. By the way my recliner works great for sleeping....hehehhe