Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed? I think something is going on and I need to expose it. Here are the facts:
1. My smoke detector batteries always fail in the middle of the night. I have to get out of bed and remove the battery so I don't have to listen to the beep every minute that tells me the battery is low (and wake up the kids in the process). I've never had one do this during the day.
2. Car batteries always fail in the morning on a work day and make you late for work. This just happened again this past Tuesday. I know that batteries don't work as well when cold, but the 60 degrees in my garage could hardly be considered cold.

I believe this points to a conspiracy, instigated by batteries of all types, to disrupt our normally hassle free lives.

By the way, I'm not tyring to slam conspiracy theorists, just have a little fun in spite of those wretched batteries that make my life more difficult.

 

Don't forget that your watch battery will only die when you are supposed to meet someone at a certain time!

Longneck

 

Ever notice how hot dogs are sold in packs of 8 and buns are sold in packs of 6?

Definitely a conspiracy goin' on.....

XXL

 

It gets worse - no matter how many AA, C or 9V batteries you buy, whenever you reach for the battery stash box, it only has one D cell and a watch battery in it! Batteries obviously metamorphose into 'closet junk', that's why you can never keep your closets organized.

 

yeah...you never have the size you need when you need it or the number! I always by batteries for stuff I only have to use once or twice, but then can never find the left overs when I need them for something else...OR they are already dead!

I think you got something on this conspiracy thing!

 

hot dogs buns are sold in eight but some hot dogs are sold in 10 or 8.

 

The reasoning behind the hotdog/bun deal

Someone always drops at least one in the coals when I'm not around to dig it out and eat it.

 

Battery Conspiracy ?

The Bunny Did it right after he got out of his cell.


Hot Dogs ? YUCK.

Bulk, 8,10,12pks Yuck

I thought everyone knew Hot Dogs (Weiner,Franks,Coney Islands,Tube Steak, etc) were made from Chicken Lips & ....soles

 

Yeah i know, hate some tonite.

 

Bah...details......

XXL

 

Dennis - you should try Kosher hot dogs. They are 100% beef - no hooves, horns, boots, wrenches, or kitty litter. They cost 2X as much as an ordinary hot dog, but you know that you're eating less "secret ingredients".

XXL

 

This remindes me of a very funny e-mail i got the other day. For everyones enjoyment here it is:

This will give you a lil' laugh

1. Only in America.... can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

2. Only in America.... are there
handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America.... do drugstores
make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy the front.

4. Only in America.... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries,and
a diet coke.

5. Only in America.... do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America.... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America.... do we use
answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America.... do we buy hot
dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America.... do we use the
word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning
'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America.... do they have
drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER????????????????/

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98 or XP, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


In case you needed further proof that the
human race is doomed through stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions
on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time
I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a
winner! No purchase necessary.Details
inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions:
Use like regular soap." (and that would
be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
"just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on
bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks &Spencer Bread
Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do
not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough
Medicine: "Do not drive a
car or operate machinery
after taking this medication." (We
could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just
get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May
cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not
to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm
a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning:
contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you
to fly." (I don't blame the company.
I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not
attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals." (...was there a lot of
this happening somewhere?)

And i have one more thing to add to this. What is up with that single mosquito/moth that is in your bedroom at night when you are trying to get to sleep? And yet it seems that it only happens when you have to get up early in the morning.

 

Thought this fit the spirit of this day lol

 

when i put enetrtainment centers togeather i always have wood left over, and i thought the companies were being nice.

i found out it was just the user