AIRPLANE PROBLEMS / SOLUTIONS

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft
during the flight that need repair or correction.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond
in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was
taken, and the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense
of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems
as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has NEVER
had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

Roflmao!

 

Those are good!

 

That was great.

 

That was freakin' hilarious! I haven't laughed that hard in months! I think I'll have to print that out. Oh, man. I still have tears running down my face!

"No. 3 engine found on right wing after brief search"
HAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

Last time I saw that one, it claimed to be from mechanics in the original Gulf War.

Theo

 

During my stint (22years) in the USAF in the early 70's I had a Pilot write up my plane for an "Pilots ASH receiver inoperative".
The plane was a T-29 Navigator Trainer, the whole back end was full of equipmen and stations to train new navigators. My assistant and I searched high & low for that ASH receiver, got out the books, called the specialists, everything.
Finally I called the Pilot that had written it up, he said he'd right out to show us the problem.
Out he comes, leads us up to the cockpit and points to to the left of the pilots seat, just beneath the window, and states with a big s**t eating grin, "The little **** is missing from the ash tray, I couldn't open it".
I colud have strangled him right there.

 

LMAO those were great!

 

LAst time I heard em, they were by Air Force pilots/mechanics, (which I am one).

 

being a student pilot these are funny
our aircraft log always has something smart in it.
like: 50 hour oil change - so change it, and other stuff

 

LMAO!!! Those were good.

 

Do you know what Aviation surface smoothing compound is? Bondo.

Wing Solvent? Fuel.

 

lol That was funny.

 

Nice!!!

 

HAHAHA! It's amazing how goofy the world is! Thank GOD for goofy people!