[updated:LAST EDITED ON 06-Sep-02 AT 04:54 PM (EST)]Moab: I never said there was anything "wrong" with a shy person. I was writing "in general" and wrote "generally speaking". You wrote "absolutely" and speak in absolutes. I think you are mistaken when you couch your arguments in absolutes. I can understand you life experience, but that does'nt make it the norm. I do not believe that shyness, GENERALLY SPEAKING, is a mature trait in a grown up person. It is not a trait I would encourage in a developing human being. Therefore, I doubt it would be a personality trait that I would encourage in a mature person. Generally speaking, shyness is not normal in the mature personality. It is the exception to the norm. It is perfectly acceptable in children, and generally outgrown after adolesence. If not, then I would venture to guess that person would tend to be somewhat immature in some social situations.

See you all Monday.

 

I stand by what I said. It has absolutely nothing to do with maturity. I would also bet money that most adults experience shyness to some degree or another. Most don't find it to be a debilitating thing, however.

It has more to do with social skills than anything else. Some of us were too busy learning something else when we should've/could've been learning those social skills. It's not like there is a specific class in grade school that teaches it. It is also taught by parents & other family members, if they are somewhat shy then their children are very likely to also be shy. Sometimes it comes about from a traumatic experience at a particular time in a child's life, especially if the child has been somehow hurt by a trusted adult. In that respect shyness can be a symptom of deeper emotional problems, but it is only one potential symptom of many.

I expect shyness to become more common as we teach children to never trust strangers. It is a side effect of a fearful society. Kids that stay home & play video games instead of getting out & doing something physical are generally going to become shy when it comes to dealing with strangers. The other side of that effect is that they are more likely to lash out violently when they don't get what they want or are backed into a corner.

But getting back to the original thread. For Jen my advice is to try making the first move if she is at all interested in the guy. He probably just doesn't know how to do it himself. Otherwise simply be courteous to him, he might eventually get over it enough to make his own first move.

 

From my experience,seems Moab have a good grasp of this topic.



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>I stand by what I said. It has absolutely nothing to do
>with maturity. I would also bet money that most adults
>experience shyness to some degree or another. Most don't
>find it to be a debilitating thing, however.
>
>It has more to do with social skills than anything else.

Rick: I agree with Dennis, you have a good grasp of the topic. However you speak in absolutes and then go on to split your response in the examination of the degrees of shyness. This is puzzling. You stand by what you say, as you should, but then backpeddle as to the degrees of an immature trait in adults. Absolutes do not allow for degrees of inspection and catagorization. I have no problem with what you saying, except that you do not allow for exceptions.
I would say that generally speaking, you may be right in that all adults experience shyness "to some degree", and this is what I mean about absolutes. If you speak in absolutes, as you do, you can't make that statement. All adults may not experience shyness in their social interactions. For example, some may experience intimidation, which may be confused with shyness when the observer is not familiar with the entire case study, or the situation from which the inference is being drawn. You can explore all degrees of "shyness" in adults but generally speaking, it is a abnormal personality trait when its occurence is frequent enough to pose a problem in ones social skills. This abnormal personality trait is often related to some irregular development in the personality of the affected and can be rooted in the same area of personality as well.
Keep in mind, this is generally speaking with regard to the case of shyness that would persistently affect personality in social situations of adult interaction .

So I am somewhat confused. This discussion seems to have been related to shyness in adults. I would continue to maintain that shyness to the degree in which it has become a problem in an adult, and affects the social skills to a degree that it impairs normal social behavior, is a dysfunction related to mature development in adults. You have pointed out well, the reasons that it happens today in your thread. Whatever the reasons, they stand as testimonial of the condition leading to possible personality dysfunction in mature adults today.

You write: "absolutely has noting to do with maturity". How do you know that all shyness has noting to do with maturity. I don't think you can reasonably make that statement. I am certain that shyness can and does, trace it roots in some people, to retarded social development. Retarded, meaning slowed or interrupted development. I am sure of this because I have seen this first hand, in some individuals, and have also studied this at the undergraduate level in psychology courses, particulary in Personality, Child Psychology, Abnormal Psychology, and Group Dynamics. I am by no means an expert, but I have participated in these elementary and specific levels of undergraduate study. You have also pointed out some reasons by which individuals today aquire this personality trait. It seems to me that you may be relating it to arrested, or retardation, of social interaction.

So you can stand by what you say, and speak in all the absolutes you feel necessary to your argument, but it does not make you absolutely correct. I also must reiterate here that when the personality is affected by shyness, so as to continually impair the mature adult interaction in social settings of interpersonal relationships, then one can reasonably infer that this dysfunction is related to arrested personality development of the subject. In the least case, it would be a very good place to probe in order to treat this dysfunctional aspect of the personality.

In relation to Jen's thread, I think one would require more information before making absolute statements with regard to the fellow to which she was making reference. This is why I write in general terms.
:-)