While walking down the street, a female senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. Her soul arrives in heaven and she's met by St. Peter.

"Welcome to Heaven" says St. Peter. "It seems there's a problem. We seldom see a high officials around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"There's no problem, just let me in," says the lady.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is
have you spend one day in Hell, and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really! Well I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts
her to the elevator and she goes down, down, down......

The doors open and she finds herself in the middle of a beautiful golf course... in the distance is a club...and in front of it are all her friends and fellow politicians who had worked with her; everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet her and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of others.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on caviar and lobster. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy, who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They're having such a good time that before she realizes it's time to go. Everyone gives her a big hug and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door re-opens where St. Peter is waiting for her.... "Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls, moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and before she realizes it, the time is gone and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. How will you choose your eternity." She reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I can't believe I'm saying this, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."

So Saint Peter escorts her to the elevator and she goes down, down, down....

Now the doors of the elevator open and she is in the middle of a barren wasteland, covered with filth and garbage. She sees all her friends dressed in rags, moping around, picking up the trash.

The Devil comes over to her and lays his arm on her neck. "I don't understand" stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club, and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is this wasteland full of garbage and my friends looking miserable.


The Devil smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning... Today you voted for us!"

 

ha ha ha... I got one to

A pony and a eagle were walking in the woods, and they see the coyote. The pony asks the coyote to yell at the eagle for him. The coyoye asks why the pony does not do it himself. The pony replies, "Because I am a little 'hoarse'"

 

More animal jokes???? If you insist!!

A bear walks into the animal bar, and says to the deer-
"............................"














".................................Pour me a shot of whisky"
The deer says, "why the big 'pause'"

 

Great punch line ...and oh so true!

 

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, I'm looking for the low down varmit that shot my paw.

 

Clinton and Bush are being interviewed and have decided not to say anything to or about each other during the interview. All goes well until the end when The announcer offers both interviewees a bottle of the fine perfume he is the sponsor of the show.

Clinton comments on the fine odor but declines since he claims to the interviewer that Hillary would goes nuts if he came home smelling like the inside of a house of prostitution.

Bush on the other hand accepts stating that his fine wife has never been in a fine house of prostitution to know what it would smell like.

sorry this is the best I have right now.