GF wanted to know 'where this relationship is going' so instead of a 2 dollar marriage license, I put her name on my family farm.
(worth $650k).

Now I Just found out GF is 4 month behind in her house pmts.
Small town and folks actually ask me if she works at that place with the
poker machines or whatever they're called.

The gambling hotline people say there are enough symptoms for us to qualify
for free counseling, usually $150. / hr. but I'm honestly scared to even mention it.

Seems like the more I do to help is making things worse.

The look on her face is priceless when she hits 3rd gear at the sand dunes.
Really hate to lose her but don't want to make things worse by trying to help.

 

Not sure what you are asking here, but if I read it right..

You think she has a gambling problem??

I hope you didn't put her name on the deed for the farm..

If you did I would be consulting a lawyer now to change that..

 

If you have put her on the deed: Run, do not walk, to a real estate attorney first thing tomorrow and get it undone. It may be too late though. If the bank goes after her, or she has to file BK, you taking her off could be seen as an attempt to hide assets they could come after to settle her debts.

 

I agree with the others, you need to save yourself.

For the rest of this, I'm no expert, but here goes -- it's just my opinion

If you do want to help her, go see her and explain what you did (and why).

Then say that you want to help, if she's willing to try. But...it's you or the casino.

If she rejects that idea, then it will never work. The first step is always admitting that you have a problem.

If she's willing to try then maybe things will work out. But it won't be easy.

 

There is nothing you can do to help her until she decides she has a problem and really wants to fix it. Note that that means she ACTUALLY wants to fix it. I heard my ex-g/f say she really wanted to quit drinking 100 times but it was never true.

Separate your assets from hers as soon as possible. Then, like ford2go said, explain why you did it and tell her that you're willing to help her if she wishes and see what happens. If she's really addicted, she'll lie, cheat and steal to continue with her addiction and she'll drag you along with her if she can.

It's unfortunate, it's sad and it's terribly painful. I went through it for more than 5 years with an alcoholic and it's a similar addiction.

 

Guess why she asked the question?

You need to follow the advice given here about acting as fast as possible to release yourself and your assets from her. You then need to separate yourself from this situation. You can try and be a good friend and point her in the right direction, but there's no "relationship" here with this level of addiction. She's not at a point where she can see you as a partner because of her desparation at this point. Only once she has grown from this addiction can she partner with someone else.

In lifeguarding, they teach you how to be careful around someone who is drowning and panicking - because that person WILL do whatever they can to subdue you and use you as a floatation device purely out of animal instinct. This is the same situation.

If you really did put her name on the deed, then you're headed for disaster; I'm not a real estate expert but common sense seems to say you're headed for a situation where her mortgage lender will try and seize her "property" (YOUR farm) to pay off her debts. I sincerely hope this situation works out for the best for you - but let this thread be an example for those that get wrapped up in the moment with emotions and make drastic financial decisions. I say this because threads like this do show up from time to time here.

 

I'm pretty sure you cannot simply 'put' someone's name on a mortgage. You can refinance the mortgage with the new person's name attached, but I don't think you can just add them. You can put a new name on an asset you own, but not on the loan. If the farm is paid off, yes, but the banks have some say in who they lend their money to. However, get her away from the environment. That might help.

 

I'm confused. Is the "place with the poker machines" called a casino? Does she work there? Does she gamble?

 

said it before, I'll say it again

GTFO

 

1. Get a lawyer and make COMPLETELY sure that you ARE NOT in any way, shape, or form going to have to pay anything for the debts she has accumulated through her gambling.

2. Once this is done, give her the ultimatum of either getting help or making sure the door doesn't hit her in the 'tailgate' on the way out.

3. Put ads in the personals sections of all local newspapers within the area she lives in and any casinos that she frequented stating this:

"I, (your name), am not IN ANY WAY responsible for the gambling debts of (her name). These debts were accumulated by (her name) alone, and should AND MUST be payed by (her name) ONLY. ANY attempts to collect on (her name)'s debts through me will be considered harassment and will be dealt with swift and proper legal action. Signed, (your name)."

DO NOT, in any way, help her with paying off these debts if she does get help. She created them, she can pay them off.

Been where you are at with a friend's wife. She was AT LEAST $100,000 in debt on credit cards and title loans when he found out about it. Needless to say, he filed for divorce, and still had to pay part (almost all) of the debt due to the credit cards and vehicle being jointly owned. Luckily, no kids involved, but it was quite messy financially for him for the next few years.

Good luck with your current problem, and take the above advice to heart.

 

This is just goofy. What does this accomplish?

 

In Ky, if you run an ad such as that for 30 days, it relinquishes you of debts, etc from other people...

-Wes

 

OP lives in Oregon.

 

And I'm not so sure of the legality of such an ad. Besides, once again, debts of your spouse are NOT your debts, unless you acquired them while married. If you put your name on the debts, then you owe them when the other party bails on you, which is why co-signing a loan is so ridiculously dumb.

...and speaking of dumb... who's the dummy here? The OP did a drive by posting and has yet to respond to anything, yet we're all in here arguing about it.

 

Andym,

NO, it is not goofy. Once the OP has gone through a lawyer and removed himself from ANY financial responsibility for his GF's gambling debts, this advertisement will state for anybody that wants to try to get any money out of him, thinking that he may be in an "equal partnership" arrangement, that he has no partnership in her debts. It also puts in writing, for her and anybody else to see, that he means business if they want to go after him for any monies they think he may own toward said debts. Simply stated, he has shown in black and white how he feels about the situation and knows his legal rights and responsibilities with regard to this situation, and that he will defend that position.