One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.


The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?

Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain---unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt.

I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.

 

Come clean, dude -

You're really a Valley Person from Orange County California, aren't you?

*snikkerezz*

 

Ah man you caught me I was just hiding under the alias that i'm from Minneapolis MN...wait i've never been to California.

 

LOL, those are funny as hell.

 

The meds just aren't working, are they?

 

You must be a member of the cast of that 70's show.
your Bob aren't you?

 

Nope i just have a lot of deep thoughts in my head and i had to share them or i was going to go craaaaazzzzzzyyyyyy.

 

Sounds like it's too late, man. Sorry.

 

That's what i was afraid of, anyone know where i can get some help?

 

You do know.....POT kills brain cells.........

One more an your a talking monkey !!!!

 

I know 2 people who are living proof of this.

By the way, country_hacker gets my vote for best avatar. Kind of reminds me of the Megadeth video for sweating bullets where Nick Menza is banging his head on one of the drum toms. Thats exactly how I feel sometimes with a dial up connection.

 

Maybe if i smoked pot i wouldnt have all these funny clever deep thoughts, hey maybe i should start....nah i think i'll stick to the brew!

 

Deep thoughts from the shallow end of the gene pool. The only thing I can say in his defense, his spelling and punctuation are better than most.

 

I have these deep thoughts all the time just so you know you are not alone.