Good Morning TN! TGIF

 

Morning to ya Corey! Thanks for stopping by.

 

Hey not a problem bud!

 

Man oh man why did I come into work feeling like crud........I guess my wife is right......I am "early like a freak"....

 

You not feeling good Scott?

 

Yeah been chillin the past day which is odd for me, as I like it cold (inside that is). SO not sure whats up, head feeling all funky and dizzy too. Might be lack of riding the bike! HAHA I have been doing 7 miles a day on the treadmil to keep going, but might not be good enough.

 

I hope you feel better Scott.

Yeah it is great to see everybody here. You guys are all welcome to stop by all the time for sure.

I hope everybody has a great day.

 

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS




Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:


Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul)

While I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dip****,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and .

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, ********* nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor... A three second burst would be considered conservative.

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my family jewels and offering a significant reward for their safe return!


P.s... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!


If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!

 

Morning Tennessee!!!...

HOLY COW Neal...that is FUNNY!!!...thanks for the chuckle!!!

Stay warm down there!...it was a brisk 4° this morning without the wind...a little different than the 80° I had in LA!!!

 

Yeah Joe that is a classic. I have seen it many years ago but it is still good for a laugh.

It was 25° this morning and a hi today of 26°. A bit windy and cold.
Gonna be beautiful this weekend with plenty of sun. But you know what that means... no cover so it is gonna be cold and even colder at night. Brrrrr!

 

Afternoon everyone! A cold, dry, sunny day...

 

Well I have a nice co-worker starting my truck for me to warm the diesel up nicely. Then I am heading out of this place. Everyone be safe this weekend and dont change that dial......

 

Morning Tennessee...where's everyone at today?!?!?!

Hope you are staying warm down there...it was just barely over 0 here in Northern Indiana last night...never did get above 10°F all day yesterday either!

Getting ready to head to the State Park for a family outing and evening at the Inn. So my BS time will be non-existant this weekend...stay out of trouble!

Try and stay warm...I'm going to try with my carharts!!!...talk to you later in the day on Sunday...

Joe.

 

Mornin' Joe! (Just barely made it before "afternoon")

It's 30 degrees here....supposed to get up to around 40 or so....cloudy. Might even rain tomorrow night and then turn to light snow.

I am going to replace some stones that have fallen out of my retaining wall today. I plan to prune the fruit trees and grapes tomorrow. Nothing like an exciting weekend line up...

 

Have a great Saturday TN.