I remember years ago when I was a teenager I would be talking to my dad about something in school or whatever a teen would encounter at that time and place when after a few questions he would become quiet and then without any warning simply explode like an atom bomb, he did not hit but you could tell through all the ranting and cussing that he was very frustrated and angry.

Years later (many years) I was listening to some thing my wife was trying to tell of our youngest son and his school work yesterday morning. I politely asked questions and waited for the answers that would never come, I heard about every thing else except what I wanted to know and as I kept coaching towards and trying to get that answer I felt the steam comming up the back of my neck, at the last possible second when I was ready to just pop and go berserk I suddenly saw the face of my dad so many years ago with that vein sticking out of his forehead and the roll your own cigarette pinched tightly between his lips just before the cussing started with smoke comming out of his ears, I was speachless and could do nothing but break out laughing.

Boy, aside from finding something that will shut your wife down quick, I realized what had went through my dad's mind at the those times when he was trying to rational out what was being filtered through his ears by a 16 year old.

So this is where I get to my point, these things plus finding out that your parents were really not as dumb as a post are sighns that one could be getting older?

The wiser part I will wait until my third and last is out of school and on his own learning for himself the things I now discover but cannot relate.

 

Welcome to the "old farts club"! My 29 year old son says that is what scares him the most.........Every day he sounds more like me!

 

My dad was a bomb too, & I'm afraid I've taken to it myself from time to time....Not good, as it really shuts off the communication.

There is a long list of factors that cause someone to blow. Kids that don't/won't listen, or who complain about minor things, or who don't snap to trigger it, because, of course, WE always listened, understood, snapped to & made do without complaint, of course we did. (which is why our parents blew up at us....)

So, stay calm, keep 'em talking, it will all be fine. Or so I hope.

 

My Dad grew up in the depression and he was a survivor. His business card said "We fix anything" and he did. When I was born he was a city cop during the day and a bouncer at an illegal gambling joint at night (hard times made strange situations). He was one tough dude, but I don't recall him ever raising his voice to me.
One day he was teaching me to drive a track tractor. We were going down a dusty farm road with me in the drivers seat and him on the tank behind me. He said, "To stop, push in the clutch lever and step on both brakes ..... Stop". I pushed in the lever and hit the brakes hard. He came flying off the tank, hit the track and fell into the road. I thought I was in big trouble, but he got up, dusted himself off, put his hat back on, and said, "Son, I think you've got stopping down pretty good". I miss him.

 

If they are working hard and trying to better themselves, flipping burgers is just as noble as ____________(fill in the blank). If they have to flip burgers because they squandered an opportunity, then as long as they are learning from their mistakes, it is still better than nothing. For a hard working individual, fast food can become quite a successful career.

 

I thought you probably meant that, I hope I didn't come across as chastising- just my own old age seeing the world in a different light. You're right about the youth being indifferent, though.

 

The father of a buddy of mine was short fused. If I was visiting after school when his dad came home from work, I also got the lecture right along with him if he had screwed something up....... Mom always wondered where I learned 4 letter words

 

Argh......I heard myself sounding a lot like my mother when I disciplined the kids. She had a medium to long fuse (depending on the situation) and you could tell when she was getting angry. Being from Tennessee, but working as an Aerospace Engineer, she toned down her Southron accent over the years....so when you started hearing it get stronger....you knew! Either a tongue lashing, privileges taken away or as a last resort.....a leather belt. She grew up in the Depression also and there was none of this present "PC" about how you "spared the rod to spoil the child (cuz you might warp their widdle minds)" Over all, though, she was firm, fair, and I learned to discipline the same way.

Her mother was like that too. I thought for sure I completely alienated my grandmother when I stayed with her for a few months in 1968 in Memphis while going to high school there. Decided to spend my Senior year there with her...Teenage angst and all. Thought I really screwed up. When I got home, my mother sat me down and told me she had gone through a "Teen Angst" period too. Never thought my mother went through it. This helped get my own life straighten out to complete my Senior year with a better attitude and go on to college.

Years later, I finally got the courage to ask my grandmother about that period and got the surprising answer of She knew exactly what I was going through (after all, she went through this with Four kids).....I was just acting like a normal teen at the time! We had a good laugh after that.

My dad liked to "lecture"...especially if he had been drinking after coming home from the Navy Base. It was not my nature to talk back or argue (my sister did that) so stood quietly. If I seemed to go "glassy eyed" or my mind strayed....he would ask me to recite back what he just told me. Actual "yelling" was what my sister went through because she would stand up to him. But he never used a belt or his hand. He could be verbally abusive to some degree. (His mother was like that and I never liked her as well as my maternal grandmother)

My husband would lose patience easily, be more explosive, and yell at the kids if they did something wrong or when sibling rivalry got to be too much. (Unlike me, he was an only child) Then call for me to "do something with your son (or daughter)". He never raised his hand though. Was afraid of hurting them. But for years, most of this explosive behavior stemmed from being diabetic and not knowing he was on the "glucose roller coaster ride" that made him angry for no reason at all. After he got the diabetes under control, his patience improved and was angry less often.

I do know his mother could get pretty upset and unleash her Hungarian temper if called for. But left the physical discipline to his father. But then, they both grew up when a whupping was used if words were lacking. Both grew up in the Depression and respect of your elders as something you learned early. If anything, you were taught to stand up for yourself too and became self disciplined. If you thought your "parents didn't know what it was like"...that got changed quickly. Because they Did!

In the long run, I also developed a long fuse. Stay calm, listen and "reason" with the kids....up to a point (then a spanking if needed or some privileges would be taken away). Although I try my best NOT to go into "lectures" though or use verbal abuse as my Dad did.

Now they are in their mid 20s, but while going to school and going through the "teenage angst" later, I would get their "Oh Mom! You don't know what I am going through!" Oh, yes I did....and do.

Now that they are older, they have told me my more "calm" approach to anger management has been a great help. Especially when working their own problems.

 

I was away last couple of days with end of summer breakdowns and general, I needed this yesterday, I would like to say it keeps me young but I' am not sure.
As I read through I noticed that for those of us that continue on and make things better for ourselves and others there is a disapline and the knowledge of knowing what works and what does not as we get to the point where we see our parents in the mirror looking back at us each morning.
My dad, a World War II vet, growing up also in the depression was the one guy I knew even though we were dirt poor growing up would give you the shirt off of his back. He did have a bad temper at times but always tried to keep it contained and would try to understand what it was you were trying to do or say and would only resolve to the use of a belt when things were beyond any other means, (brings to mind the time I snuck his spare tire out of his pickup, deflated and removed the inner tube so that I could have something to play with), yep, you guessed it I got introduced to his belt after a short lie and the truth that followed after.
That man in his later years would become in spite of my many disapointments that I caused him become my best friend and it was only after he passed away in 95 that I then began to realize just how much torment he had lived through in his life that he tried to overcome every day, these things as regarded of real men were not discussed even for a 135 lbs soaking wet fellow that I had at one time in my life had regarded as weak, boy was I WRONG!!!
I apologize for this very wordy post as I had not started out with this in mind when I began nor am I asking for forgiveness or trying to amend for my stupid ways and ideas, my dad and I knew in the end of his days as I cared for him the best that I could along with my mother and set with him in his final hours that things were good between us.