Adding posting hits inTexas chapter forum.
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New User
Joined: Jan 2008
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Adding posting hits inTexas chapter forum.
To get the posting amounts up, You have to reply back with something when people post stuff.This is my second funny one.
Here's a Joke!
If you like it,Tell your friends.
If you don't like it, Don't tell me.
John Madden was in Denver to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special phone near the Broncos' bench. He asked Coach Shanahan what it was for and was told it was a hotline to God.
John asked the coach if he could use it, and the coach said, "Sure, but it will cost you $100."
Madden scratched his head, then said, "What the heck, I need some help picking some games." He pulled out his wallet and paid the $100. Madden was perfect that week. The next weekend, Madden was in Seattle when he noticed the same kind of phone near the Seahawks bench.
He asked Coach Holmgren what the phone was for, and Mike said, "It's a hotline to God, and if you want to use it, it will cost you $100."
Recalling the previous week, Madden pulled out his wallet and gladly paid the $100. Once again, Madden was perfect.
The next weekend, Madden was in Dallas at Texas Stadium when he noticed the same phone near the Cowboy's bench. He asked Coach Gailey if it was a hotline to God.
The coach said, "Yes it is. Do you want to use it? It'll cost you 35 cents."
Madden looked at Gailey and said, "Wait a minute! I just paid $100 in Denver and $100 in Green Bay to use the same phone! Why in Dallas do they only charge 35 cents?"
Gailey looked at Madden and replied very matter-of-factly, "In Texas, it's a local call."
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[font color=red]Dennis
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Here's a Joke!
If you like it,Tell your friends.
If you don't like it, Don't tell me.
John Madden was in Denver to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special phone near the Broncos' bench. He asked Coach Shanahan what it was for and was told it was a hotline to God.
John asked the coach if he could use it, and the coach said, "Sure, but it will cost you $100."
Madden scratched his head, then said, "What the heck, I need some help picking some games." He pulled out his wallet and paid the $100. Madden was perfect that week. The next weekend, Madden was in Seattle when he noticed the same kind of phone near the Seahawks bench.
He asked Coach Holmgren what the phone was for, and Mike said, "It's a hotline to God, and if you want to use it, it will cost you $100."
Recalling the previous week, Madden pulled out his wallet and gladly paid the $100. Once again, Madden was perfect.
The next weekend, Madden was in Dallas at Texas Stadium when he noticed the same phone near the Cowboy's bench. He asked Coach Gailey if it was a hotline to God.
The coach said, "Yes it is. Do you want to use it? It'll cost you 35 cents."
Madden looked at Gailey and said, "Wait a minute! I just paid $100 in Denver and $100 in Green Bay to use the same phone! Why in Dallas do they only charge 35 cents?"
Gailey looked at Madden and replied very matter-of-factly, "In Texas, it's a local call."
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/2cents.gif
[font color=red]Dennis
FTE Assistant Administrator
[/font]
[link: motorhaven.autoanything.com|How YOU Can Support This Site]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/canada_flag_animated.gif
[link:www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Mil1ion.html|My Website,"North Of The 49th"]
[link:www.ford-trucks.com/guidelines.html|Club FTE]
http://www.clubfte.com/users/mil1ion/Minimorleytruck.JPG
[font color=blue]78 F-150 429CJ,Silver,Explorer Pkg.
64 1/2 Mustang Pre-World's Fair Car #8092
68-Mustang 289 2v-Sunlit Gold
[/font]
Elder User
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 977
Likes: 0
From: Houston, TX
Adding posting hits inTexas chapter forum.
LOL, that's a good one. Heard it before but still love it.
Here's another one.
There was a flight going over the Atlantic when suddenly an engine went out. The pilot came over the speaker and told everyone everything was fine and to not panic.
A short while later a second engine went out, the plane began to struggle and the pilot came back over the speaker. He informed the passengers they had to lighten there load or the plane would go down. The passengers commenced to through out all there luggage and everything thing they could get free to lose weight. When they were done the pilot came back on and said that had helped but they were still too heavy, he informed them they had parachutes and asked for volunteers to jump.
An Englishman reluctantly stood up and said "God save the queen!" he put on the parachute and jumped out.
Next a Frenchman downed another glass of wine, put on his parachute, said "Viva la France!" and jumped out the door.
Suddenly a TEXAN stood up, said "Remember the Alamo!", grabbed two Mexicans and threw them out the door.
LOL, no offense to our Spanish and Mexican friends out there. Just a friendly joke.
Here's another one.
There was a flight going over the Atlantic when suddenly an engine went out. The pilot came over the speaker and told everyone everything was fine and to not panic.
A short while later a second engine went out, the plane began to struggle and the pilot came back over the speaker. He informed the passengers they had to lighten there load or the plane would go down. The passengers commenced to through out all there luggage and everything thing they could get free to lose weight. When they were done the pilot came back on and said that had helped but they were still too heavy, he informed them they had parachutes and asked for volunteers to jump.
An Englishman reluctantly stood up and said "God save the queen!" he put on the parachute and jumped out.
Next a Frenchman downed another glass of wine, put on his parachute, said "Viva la France!" and jumped out the door.
Suddenly a TEXAN stood up, said "Remember the Alamo!", grabbed two Mexicans and threw them out the door.
LOL, no offense to our Spanish and Mexican friends out there. Just a friendly joke.
Posting Guru
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,306
Likes: 0
From: Bryan/College Station
Adding posting hits inTexas chapter forum.
JD
I spit up my beer after reading that one. Again no insult intended to anyone.
BROKEBRONCO
84 Bronco 351HO/C-6/208/10.25 Rear/D44TTB Soon to have D60 Front/NP435
86 F250 351HO/C6/10.25 Soon to have a front axle and the ZF tranny
I spit up my beer after reading that one. Again no insult intended to anyone.
BROKEBRONCO
84 Bronco 351HO/C-6/208/10.25 Rear/D44TTB Soon to have D60 Front/NP435
86 F250 351HO/C6/10.25 Soon to have a front axle and the ZF tranny
Senior User
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 345
Likes: 0
From: Fort Worth, TX
Adding posting hits inTexas chapter forum.
More Texas humor
kinda long though
A Diary of a Yankee In Texas
May 30th
Just moved to Texas. Now this is a state that really knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th
Really heating up. Got up to 100 degrees today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
June 30th
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cacti and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 100 degrees all week. How do people get used to it? It is taking me longer than I expected.
July 15th
Fell asleep by the pool and got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though: got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th
I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and #####. No more pets in this heat!
July 25th
Dry heat, my ***. Hot is hot!! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,500 a month in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug 4th
115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. I REALLY hate this state!
Aug 8th
If another wise *** cracks, "Hot enough for ya today, Yankee?" I'm going to tear his throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like Roasted Tabby!!
Aug 10th
The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny. It's been too hot for two damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren damn desert?!?!
Aug 12th
Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $1,700 worth of cacti just dried up and blew into the F****** pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat.
Aug 14th
YEE-HAW And Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got up to 123 degrees today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1,500 monthly house payment to bail me out of jail.
Aug 30th
Worst damn day of the summer. I'm not leaving the house. The monsoon rains finally came and all they did was make it muggier than hell. The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $500 windshield. That does it, we're moving to Illinois for some peace and quiet!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Josh
'95 F350 CC SRW 4x4 Power Stroke, all the Ranch Hand goodies
'73 Bronco 351w, 5.38 gears, lock-rite locker and 33in swampers
kinda long though
A Diary of a Yankee In Texas
May 30th
Just moved to Texas. Now this is a state that really knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th
Really heating up. Got up to 100 degrees today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.
June 30th
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cacti and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 100 degrees all week. How do people get used to it? It is taking me longer than I expected.
July 15th
Fell asleep by the pool and got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though: got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th
I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and #####. No more pets in this heat!
July 25th
Dry heat, my ***. Hot is hot!! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,500 a month in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug 4th
115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. I REALLY hate this state!
Aug 8th
If another wise *** cracks, "Hot enough for ya today, Yankee?" I'm going to tear his throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like Roasted Tabby!!
Aug 10th
The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny. It's been too hot for two damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren damn desert?!?!
Aug 12th
Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $1,700 worth of cacti just dried up and blew into the F****** pool. Even a cactus can't live in this heat.
Aug 14th
YEE-HAW And Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got up to 123 degrees today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1,500 monthly house payment to bail me out of jail.
Aug 30th
Worst damn day of the summer. I'm not leaving the house. The monsoon rains finally came and all they did was make it muggier than hell. The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $500 windshield. That does it, we're moving to Illinois for some peace and quiet!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Josh
'95 F350 CC SRW 4x4 Power Stroke, all the Ranch Hand goodies
'73 Bronco 351w, 5.38 gears, lock-rite locker and 33in swampers
