Doug,
I know you have responded to my posts asking for help with my truck in the past so I hope I am returning the favor. I read your thread for the first time yesterday and I must admit it disturbed me on a deep and personal level.
You are in pain both physically and mentally. It seems pretty plain to me after reading your threads, that now you are asking for help. We are all glad that you have us to turn to but there is only so much that can be done to help you here in "cyber space".
Please consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Center at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-448-1833. Please Doug, talk to a friend, your mother, your brother, your doctor, a minister, a neighbor, or call the number above and let them know you need help.
All the folks here on FTE are not "that guy who drives by" when you are stuck on the side of the road and all you need is a bigger screwdriver. I encourage anyone who agrees with me to post encouragement for our FTE Bro!
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Good Luck, HARFEND

 

Harfend, you are indeed a friend. Thanks for your kind reply to our brother, Doug.

Doug has a lot to get off his chest and the only thing I can do is to let this thread stand on it's own, here in this forum. I have been following this thread all along and the amount of profanity is worrysome. It gets edited and in some case entire posts deleted. Please help me to help Doug by keeping this thread alive. Remember, the nail that sticks up, gets hammered down. If someone makes a post report for profanity it's going to bring other moderaters down on you who have less tolerance for a bitch thread in a tech forum.

Just so it's clear, profanity is any word that triggers the forum software censoring function or the use of symbols or combination of letters and symbols to attempt to defeat the software censor. Thanks for understanding and helping me out, guys. Carry on!

 

That is pretty cool of you Scott, thank you for being understanding about this.

As for Doug, we are here to help in any way we can, even if it is just an ear. Everyone here likes to see others succeed (or else no one would be giving out advice and help) and that extends to all aspects of our lives.

 

Thanks for all the kind thoughts and words guys-

Today was a good day, I'm just hoping I don't get a lot of pain coming on in the middle of the night. I figured out last night that a combination of Ibuprofen, Anbesol and heat will give me just enough relief to sleep some without doing all that drinking. I did indeed wake up feeling like crap yesterday. I still haven't gotten an appointment lined up to get anything done about this though.

The electricity was out all day today, so I took the opportunity to defrost the freezer as it was 26* outside (so the food stayed frozen) and I needed the burners on the stove going to keep some warmth in the house ( so it didn't cost anything or was any more trouble to heat hot pans of water on it to defrost the freezer.) I needed to do a couple of small jobs here, (finish a door and build a medicine cabinet, but old-school as I am, I still need electricity to do what I do.)

I also did a bunch of badly needed clean-up around here. The house is getting bigger! . Any way, I'm OK. If I could stay gainfully employed, I'd be great. But broke and in pain tends to put me in a bad mood. I can't believe the amount of people that tell me they're in the same boat, ( employment wise). I guess I shouldn't really say employed, because technically, none of us are, but the work sure is slower than I can remember in a long time.

Anyway, I appreciate the opportunity to vent because it does make me feel better at times. I'm not suicidal, although I may harbor a fatalistic view at times. My dry sense of humor and my neglect to hit the LOL button at times doesn't help either. It's kinda like "Great, and I'll bet we have to walk all the way back to camp, too." (It's an old joke about an Army parachutist who has had both chutes fail).

 

I've been thinking. Everything in life needs balance. This thread has been a nice release at times , but not really what I envisioned. Maybe just a bad idea to start with. There were a few good posts that touched on the irritations facing the contributors at the time, some of them may have even gone a little bit in the way I hoped- in that some may have felt a bit a solace in the knowledge of they were not alone- but not much and not really.

I (and we ) could just let this die and probably should, unless something changes. I think the alter ego of this thread would be cool. There is a radio station that I keep tuned to on one radio 24/7. It's an awesome Christian station and they have segments where they have people call in an relate how they have been blessed or how their kids have touched their hearts, or made them so proud. Or how God's miracles have changed their lives.

You would think that some of that would have come out anyway on this thread, and it kinda did. Why is it that God's presence so many times comes on in so more such a subtle way than the Devil's? Guess that's why so many may stumble on believing in God, but have no qualms in admitting the existence of Evil.

Anyway- Maybe someone should start a "Feel-Good thread" or just post here.

I had an exceptional day today. I really can find only one thing worthy of a bitch- I don't have enough money. And that's just because I can't pay my bills. For some reason, 90% of my pain is gone. ( I did pray for that.)

Today was about the most beautiful day you could hope for, ( weather -wise) no matter where you live or what time of year it is- a high of 69*! I delivered the medicine cabinet I built and when the guy asked me how much, I told him $50. He said "That's not enough, this thing is awesome!" When I looked at his check later, I found it was for $150. So that helps a tiny bit on getting caught up on the bills.

So- I have a lot to complain about, but a lot to be thankful for as well. For as hard as the Devil has tried to possess me and curse me with physical maladies, it has totally been my shortcomings that have kept God's intervention from truly delivering me from Evil.

Really- Should any of us complain about anything while typing on a computer while so many of our brothers have no food to eat? No, but we are but mere mortals, and the list of things we shouldn't do is SOOOOO much longer than what we should. ( I only know one Mother Teresa, and I think she only got by because it was before today's paparazzi- ).

So- Just to start with, I am still blown away with the miracle of the 60" big screen for free one week after my 27" went out. I'm a Cancer survivor. I probably should have went to jail many times and for a bit of time instead of one night 30 years ago. I was blessed with a wonderful child and a marriage of 24 years. I should have or could have been killed many times in my rocky past. Oh- I had plenty of things go wrong and could spend a lot of time bemoaning those times. Sometimes, I like to.The whole point of this thread , really. But, on balance - I've been blessed.

I think the biggest trigger for all this has been the sharp down-slide in my personal situation in the last five or six years. But while there have been have been huge downturns physically and financially, there has also been a spiritual awakening that far offsets that. I'll bet that there are few of you out there that have actually faced the reality of imminent death in the sense that you could ponder it. It scared the crap out of me.

The funny thing is, that it doesn't now, and this conversion happened a full 5 years after I was in remission. So, I can't fight my nature, I like to bitch, but really, in my heart , I know I have nothing to complain about, and not many of us really do- as we are all blessed, and don't have to look too far out our windows to find many in much worse shape than us.

 

Doug, you make some fine points. The first and foremost, we are truly blessed. Especially at this time of the year, too few people have stopped to actually realize how blessed they are. People have strayed away from religion. I actually noticed the lack of manger scenes and reference to Jesus this season. Unfortunately, I am ashamed to say, I have not been to Church for too long. I have fallen into the circle of "next Sunday..." and it just continues.

Society in general has grown to expect bigger is better, and if it is not flashy, or a big deal is not made out of it, then it is not that important - hence people tend to overlook God's everyday miracles, the ones that truly count. To try and appease everyone under the guise of not wanting to offend anyone, God is being removed from our lives by outside influences on a daily basis. If for nothing else, religion teaches accountability, respect, and puts us in our place.

My gripe is the seperation of religion from our lives and even from the religious holidays - what is that?

Doug, with all due respect, a wise man once said, better you than me with regards to the cancer and I must say you have been blessed to still even be at that computer typing, as have I for different reasons.

 

All too true my friend. Especially the lack of religion and- ( no screw religion ) the lack of God in our everyday lives. There is more religion than God and it's not always a good thing.

Man, I too have fallen into the trap of postponing the trip to church on Sunday too many times lately. And don't think that that a reprieve from from Cancer was the first time, the last time, or even the most significant time God has decided to allow me to remain on this Earth. I'm a little slow on the uptake at times, but after the last miracle that left me standing not so long ago, I finally realized that God wanted me here for a reason. There's a song that fits me well that goes-He's not finished with me yet.

I've just got to figure out what He wants me to do now.

But you especially hit home with the lack of mention of Him in everyday life. You know all we have coming up is shopping, gift giving and Santa. Heaven forbid we should mention a child born in Bethlehem. May not be politically correct. Might offend some Muslims or something.

Whoa- I better stop now, this is headed back toward the bitch department. Merry Christmas and God Bless us one and all, ( I know he has me- MANY times.)