Another good one!
* Okay, I will tell you ONE of the stories my mother used to tell
about me when I was just a toddler. (I am the youngest of a large family and
was almost like a grandchild to my own parents!)**
One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my
brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years
old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken
among other injuries.
Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it
was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in
the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when
I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After
several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.
My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of
tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!' My Mom waited, and sure
enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she
watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only
place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?? And sure enough. . .
. . . *

 

HAHAHA no so cute anymore, are u ???

 

Can I get you a drink, Kenny??LOL!!

 

note to self, don't drink anything pat hands u...

 

Smart man, that Kenny.....!

 

A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot.

'No way!! No needles!! I hate needles,' the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects. 'I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!!'

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. 'No objection', says the patient, 'I'm fine with pills'.

The dentist then returns and says, 'here's a Viagra tablet'.

The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'

'It doesn't', said the dentist, 'but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth!!

 

wanna hear a dirty joke?

-jimmy fell in the mud.

wanna hear a clean joke?

-jimmy took a bath w/ bubbles.

wanna hear a dirty joke?

-bubbles is the girl next door.

 

Menopause Jewelry

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.

When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin red mark on his forehead .

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.. Dumb ***

 

Well, looks like the mood ring is off the list for the wifey's valentine gift!

 

Ahahaha, smart man!

 

The Waiting Room
This is so true! They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.
There's nothing worse than a receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. Many of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist said, "Hello, sir. Can you please tell me why you're here to see the doctor today?"
"There's something wrong with my *****," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could emba rrass anyone." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"
"I can't **** out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.

 

My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our
divorce was final, later that same year.

Yesterday afternoon, she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern Tennessee because of bad weather. Thank God our kids were with me at the Beach Ho use this weekend.

The NTSB issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error:

Judy was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument

flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a

VFR (visual flight rating) rating.

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to

insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.

The photograph below was taken at the scene and shows

the extent of damage to her aircraft.

She was very lucky.....