I have a question concerning acceptance from family members. I am an only child, 21yrs old living at home, attending a commuter college. Due to the stress of attending full time, I am only going half time. I figured it is better to take longer and get better grades, than rush through everything and just pass. Anyway I'm a Psychology major, and I really enjoy it. One of my far fetched dreams is to own a restaurant. I was talking with my aunt last week, and she starts going off on me because she thinks I should be going to school full time, AND have a job. She doesn't feel that psychology is a good subject for me to study and actually said I should change my major to business because of the restaurant thing. Don't worry, I'm not taking her advise seriously, I just don't understand why people can't understand and accept my decisions. My dad had an absolute fit when I changed my major from education to Psychology. My mom doesn't care what major I decide on, but she harps on me about my homework, which BTW I have always done on time since high school, so I don't know why it is such a concern for her. I guess is what I'm asking for is why can those around me just be happy and accept my decisions, without trying to intervene or tell me what to do.

 

It's human nature to give advice- even when it isn't asked for. Take this thread, for instance (of course, you asked for this advice). You asked a question, and everyone that responds to it thinks that they have the correct answer.


Believe it or not, though, it sounds like your family really does have your best interests in mind. If you've expressed your desire to own a restaurant to your family members, they may be looking at your choice of majors and wondering why you don't move more in that direction. I might ask you the same question. As far as working full time and carrying a full load at school isn't for everybody- can you say "burned out?" But you need to remember that the most important thing is to finish your education before you dive headlong into a career. It is much easier now than it will be 20 years from now when you have a wife (spouse), two or three kids a house a couple of vehicle payments... Just be you and do the best you can, you'll be alright

 

They think they know whats best for you, when in reality, YOU and only you can decide what's best. it bugs me so much for others to tell me what they "think" I should be doing. I tell em to stick it. you're doin what makes you happy, thats all that matters.

 

heck, if you find out, let me know also! i think its americans personality to get into everyone's business about things and try to "make it better"

perhaps after your done with your psychology degree, you will have a better understanding of why and tell all of us the reason!

i mean, jeez, its not like your sitting on the street smoking pot and having a career at some mcjob.

 

Actually it is more of a reality check, I know that it costs a lot of money to start a restaurant, which will take a long time to save up. It's not like I can just open one right out of college, which is why I consider it a dream. If it happens, great, if not, no big deal. So for reality I want to be a counselor of some sort which is why I'm studying Psychology. That is something I know I will enjoy and something I will be able to use immediately (hopefully) after graduating.

 

Actually, he didn't ask for advice, but he did ask a question.
Most of us like to give advice, and may assume someone wants it when they ask a question, or complain about something (myself included). I do agree with what you said Stu. Good advice.

I'm sure your family has your best interests in mind, Ranger Rules. That's probably why they "tell you what to do". Also, at 21, and living at home, they may still see you as a "kid". At my age, to me, you are a "kid".
It wasn't long ago that they were supposed to tell you what to do, and that's a hard thing to let go of. BTW, who's paying for college? That could be another factor.

My Mom was less than encouraging when I wanted to try another career, or start a business. She felt that if I had a steady job, I should be grateful, and stick with it. I believe it was because she went through the Depression as a child, and also went through difficult times with my Dad when he was in business. My point is, people often have points of view that are different from our own, and we may not see things from their viewpoint.

You might just want to say something like "Thanks, I'll consider that.", and change the subject.

More unsolicited advice: You might want to take a business course, or two, anyway. If you start your own business as a counseler, or psychologist, you can keep tabs on your accountant.

Good luck with school, and your career, whatever that may be.

 

I left home when I was 15. I've slept in parks, culverts, under bridges and just about anyplace I could find to stay warm or dry. Nobody was around when I was growing up to give advice and no one offered any.

As much as we like to think we can get by on our own, I've learned from years of being on my own that it's a lot better to learn from somebody else mistakes than my own.

Everybody needs to find the path in life they are meant to walk, but if you're thinking of going into a business, take business classes. If you want to go into counselling or social work, take psychology. You may be surprised to find out how much psychology is involved in business. I've never worked for anyone that didn't pop a nut playing head games with the employees.

In other words, do what you want in life. Everything will work out for you.

 

A stressed out Psychology major? Had to cut back to part time? It strikes me that this may be the wrong direction for you.

My daughter and her husband are raising a 10 month old, both working full time+, and both going to school full time. She is pursing education BTW.

Maybe you need a little more stress in your life. It will either make you stronger and / or give you the vision to appreciate the things you have to work for.

Maybe your loved ones are trying to intervene because their life experiences make them feel that you have made some "not so good decisions". That's not to say your decisions have been bad...they are just concerned.

Food for thought: If they are the ones that are paying for or subsidizing your education they may feel they have a right to intervene.

 

I've known different norms of interaction in different cultures. One of the most striking differences has been between the highly interventionist latin families, and the highly laissez-faire attitudes of northern families.

You'll no doubt agree that there's such a thing as too much interest in your well being from family. The kind that smothers, that prevents a young man from growing up an dlearning to take responsibility for himself. But there is also such a thing as too little. How many people have I seen walk into situations that were disastrous for them, and that those close to them could see coming froma mile away - but they let them ruin their lives rather than stick their noses in their business. Almost invariably, the person ends up wishng someone clsoe to them had cared enough to point out what everyone but they could see.

Only you can judge if your family's interest crosses that line into smothering, but a family that cares enough to speak up when they think you are doing yourself harm is a precious gift. I wouldn't kick it too hard.

 

Do you plan on being a psychologist?

 

> She doesn't feel that psychology is a good subject

Take the courses for a job that will make you happy, you are the one that has to
live with yourself more then anyone else.

> why can those around me just be happy and accept my decisions, without
> trying to intervene or tell me what to do.

I would hazard a guess because they really love you and because you are still living at home. As long as you are under their roof, they have a right and obligation to tell you what you should do. Parents do not want to see their children make mistakes, but, after 18 they are yours to make. It is easier to make them living on your own.

 

why take psychology if your dream is owning a restaurant??, I would take some Business management courses, and start working part time in Restaurant Management

 

I agree...kind of. If psychology is what you truly enjoy, then go for it. It's a field that can provide alot of income which would allow you to open a restaurant later on. Of course, there's always the dreaded double major if your crazy enough (or motivated enough) to try it.
As for unwanted advice, like the beginning of my post, people generally just want to help. Your family really has your best interest at heart, but can irritate the snot out of you by telling you what you should do. Just don't let them push your buttons and like was suggested earlier change the subject. Just don't get too bent out of shape, they mean well. Even if it does drive you nuts.

 

Because, as a parent, all you really want for your kids is to be happy. That's the easy part- the hard part is worrying over whether they're making the right decisions to get to that point.

 

I believe your question is a bit misaligned the way it is worded. What you are asking for is "approval" from your family members, not acceptance. Family acceptance would be the proper word to use if lets say, you were getting ready to marry a rich mans daughter and made a living as a septic tank cleaner. You would have to do a complete change in person to be accepted in his family...


My sister in law worked toward her pschy major until she was in her third year of college. Somewhere along the way she seen the light and changed over to a business degree with accounting major. She now has no worry in finding a job or making a good living now. A business degree will open doors in ALL avenues of job opportunities from the construction industry to NASA. A pschy major will narrow those opportunities down to a small tunnel. Just two cents from one of those old dumb people that young smart people have to tolerate until they get older. good luck to you and all jmo