One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

The man who gives in when he is wrong ... is wise.
The man who gives in when he is right ... is married.

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." - Will Rogers

Do not put statements in the negative form. (You may have to think about this one)

Look out for #1, and don't step in #2, either.

Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".

I hope God grades on the curve.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane, going the wrong way.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

 

I like that one.

 

This is my current location in my college education.

Ryan

 

[QUOTE] Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

this will come in handy tomorrow for someone i know.
and the good thing is that it fits him to a tee.

 

Here's a few more to make note of


1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out

2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused

 

[QUOTE=Mil1ion]Here's a few more to make note of

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.


you know dennis, the way i heard that one was a womans hips always look bigger going than coming

 

oh man, you got me laughin on #19 on the second round Dennis! Wow, I can relate. Aint it the truth?

Ryan

 

One of my favorite sweatshirt reads, "A little grey hair is a small price to pay for this much wisdom". How true.
Dono

 

For my two personal favorites, see my sig.

Tim

 

this thread will make several good e-mails for family & friends.... i always give credit to the source by the way

 

Okay, let's add a few more before day's end.

Number 8 - Life is sexually transmitted.



Number 7 - Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.



Number 6 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.



Number 5 - Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.



Number 4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.



Number 3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.



Number 2 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?


Number 1 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.



AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT



We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

 

Dennis, do you have an archive, or what? I love these

Ryan

 

"If you've got them by the ***** their hearts and minds will follow." The Duke

"Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid" The Duke

Superior intelligence is often times camouflaged by inferior reasoning. kw5413 chapter 5 verse 203

I have found that the more people seem compelled to convince others how smart they are the more, it seems, they are trying to convince themselves. kw5413 chapter 15 verse 12

 

don't let your mind wander. its much to small to be out alone.
i used to have an open mind. but my brains kept falling out.
a waist is a terrible thing to mind.
i used to be conceited, till i found out that is a fault. but I'm not any more, cause my wife told me I'm a perfect azzhole.

 

Hah, yes good thread.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken ?

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

My weight is perfect for my height - - which varies.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up,
he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.

Don't take life too serious, nobody gets out alive anyway.

-matt

EDIT: The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.