Found these on another FTE thread
-Why do women wear white to thier wedding?
So the dish washer matches the fridge.
-Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
Because a woman who can`t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
-If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course, he`ll shut up once you let him in.
-What`s worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman who won`t do what she is told
-I married Miss Right
I didn`t know her first name was Always
-Why do men die before their wives?
Because they want to.

 

Ouch! Is there something you're not telling us Fom?
I'm better at wise cracks than jokes, but here goes.
-What did the blonde say when she saw Cheerios for the first time? Donut seeds!
-What is the definition af a gentleman? Someone who can play the bagpipes, but doesn't!
-What do you do if you get your big toe stuck? Call a big toe truck.

 

good stuff! Here's one thats kinda funny.


A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted
by a
local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young,
idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for
conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks
like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking
everything so
seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to
a
private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and
said,
"Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact
voice,
"I
hope not, it's only 2130 now."


(Don't ya love military time?!)

 

Lol some hilarious stuff there! And fom, ya better hope your woman doesnt read that Haha.

 

I know a good joke!
Womans rights...

 

Like who gave them the right to vote eh? lol j/k

 

They now have the right to vote? Wow, something new every day on the net..... A great invention

 

Lol fom I think Im not the only one with an evil type twin

 

Subject: Why I fired my secretary


LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL WAKING UP THAT MORNING.

I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT AND AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE "HAPPY BIRTHDAY."

I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE KIDS WILL REMEMBER.

MY KIDS CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD. SO WHEN I LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND SOMEWHAT DESPONDENT. AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY, JANE SAID, "GOOD MORNING, BOSS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" IT FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE HAD REMEMBERED.

I WORKED UNTIL ONE O'CLOCK AND THEN JANE KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO OUT TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME." I SAID, "THANKS JANE, THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY. LET'S GO!"

WE WENT TO LUNCH. BUT WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY WOULD GO. WE DINED INSTEAD AT A LITTLE PLACE WITH A PRIVATE TABLE. WE HAD TWO MARTINIS EACH AND I ENJOYED THE MEAL TREMENDOUSLY. ON THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, JANE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY... WE DON'T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?"

I RESPONDED, "I GUESS NOT. WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?" SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT."

AFTER ARRIVING AT HER APARTMENT JANE TURNED TO ME AND SAID, "BOSS, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'M GOING TO STEP INTO THE BEDROOM FOR A MOMENT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

"OK." I NERVOUSLY REPLIED.

SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, AFTER A COUPLE OF MINUTES; SHE CAME OUT CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE... FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, KIDS, AND DOZENS OF MY FRIENDS AND CO-WORKERS, ALL SINGING "HAPPY BIRTHDAY". AND I JUST SAT THERE...

ON THE COUCH...

NAKED...

 

Lol man that one is hilarious lol

 

The following are more cute then funny.

Q- How do you tell if a International truck has mice?
A- Don't worry about it, it has mice.

Q- How do you tell if your Ford has mice?
A- You see your jacket run along the seat. (true story)

Q- How do you get mice out of a Ford truck?
A- Park a International beside it.

 

Heres a short one I read in an email I got the other day.

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.

Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"

 

A transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

 

Lol gooder man!

 

A woman walked into a pet store, saw a talking parrot labeled $50, and wanted to buy it. The worker said, "well, before you buy him, I should tell you that bird lived in a house of prostitution, so it knows some pretty vulgar phrases." The woman didn't care and bought the bird.

She took it home and set up its cage in the living room. The bird looked around for a minute, then said "Raaaawrk. New house, new madam." Later, the woman'd daughters came home, and the bird said "Rawwwrk. New house, new madam, new girls." The three laughed it off considering where the bird came from. Later that day her husband came home, and the bird said "Rawwwrk. Hi Dave!"