If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

Chuck Norris likes his coffee like he likes his women: ground up, packed in a burlap sack, and thrown over the back of a donkey.

 

By the way, these arent "jokes"

these are FACTS. if anyone calls these facts jokes again, they will be round-house kicked in the head by none other than Chuck Norris. He's watching you...

heres more facts no one else knows-

Chuck Norris takes the ashes of his deceased enemies and blasts them out of a canon over none other than the Grande Canyon. He calls this the "Hunter S. Thompson treatment"

"It takes 7 Chuck Norris "Total Gyms" to provide one half- hour workout for Chuck Norris.


*** check out this link ****

http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx

 

Chuck Norris slept with my wife and showed me the video tape...and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

You know the story of David and the Goliath? It was chuck norris. He didn't use a sling shot to kill the beast either, he jumped up in the air and round house kicked him in the forehead, and drove off in his Dodge truck, to take a shower in Vodka.

We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it

He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road

 

I just don't get it.
I bet I could kick his butt, and steal that toupee off his head, I can't believe Chuck Norris, the millionaire, can do all the things I read in the previous posts, but he can't find a more natural wig, that thing on his head looks like a squirrels tale.

 

For some reason, I keep thinking,,,,up-----chuck????!!!!

 

I can't believe you just said that.

I hope your personal affairs are in order and that Chuck Norris realizes that your views do not neccesarily represent the views of this board its members or its management.


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"no chuck norris im the fte member that spoke down about your mightyness" "NOOOOOO"

wait untill you wake up in the hospital with 2 black eyes, a broken nose, and missing all your teeth you will then realize the power of chuck norris. and how much a roundhouse kick to the face sucks.

 

Jimbo- you need to fix the above statement. that would be the result of a Chuck Norris open hand slap. The round-house kick always proves to be fatal, theres no waking up from it.

 

If Chuck Norris fell in the woods there would be no sound. The Earth would move out of his way. However a tree would immediately throw itself to the ground to cover this fact up.

 

Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

Chuck Norris doesn't wet the bed, the bed gets scared of Chuck Norris and wets itself.

 

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. 300 pounds of heavy artillery still won't keep Chuck Norris away.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

If you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from certain death.

The Dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. ONCE.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris had 98 kills in Vietnam. And he wasn't even there.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris showers in Pabst Blue Ribbon and mongoose blood.

When Chuck Norris meets people he does not like, but aren't worth roundhouse kicking, he points to the north while giving them an evil look. These people are known as Canadians.
To Chuck Norris, doorknobs and urination are seen as merely suggestions.

When Chuck Norris stares in the sky, clouds sweat out of fear. We call this rain.

Kryptonite is to Superman as Canada is to Chuck Norris. He hates that place.
In the fine print of the Geneva Convention, it lists "Death by Norris" as Cruel and Unusual Punishment. Shame nobody's had the ***** to enforce it.

Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.

Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the special olympics.

Every dinosaur skull ever found has the imprint of a size 15 cowboy boot on its jaw. Scientists are baffled, but we know damn well why.

Chuck Norris hates midgets and is developing a special lower version of his roundhouse kick just for them.

 

...This is so wrong on so many levels...yet so friggen funny!!!!!















...you all know why.

 

As a young child, Chuck Norris didnt recieve his toy in his Happy Meal at McDonalds. A painting of the event is now called "The Last Supper"

 

Before and after pic. of Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris got in the ring with a boxing Kangaroo. He put it in a comma with both hands behind his back. When he was done he began eating the kangaroo on the spot.

He can do push ups with no arms or legs...

He eats hammers and trims his fingernails with a live beaver.

Each morning he walks into his garage, turns on his Mercury 225 boat motor, and shaves...with out cream...and still has a great looking beard afterwards.