GIFT WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN
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This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb, went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."

These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention of wrapping paper.

If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, "Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!" And Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper than the frankincense."

But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise.
2. They were men.

Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know.

One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it."

The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs!"

I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.)

If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.

My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:

GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN:

* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack!

* If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper. Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning.


YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
YOU: I also got you some myrrh, honey!

In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

 

Where can you get myrrh? And how much is it?

 

Dang it, I just knew I shouldn't have taken that huge swig of coffee before reading this.

Gotta go find some paper towels to clean the coffee off the screen

John

 

Pay someone else to wrap them. Cheaper in the long run if you know what I mean.

 

Why women wrap (since we're on the bible here)!

They never get past the baby in swaddling clothes.

 

Ever since I discovered those decorative bags I put gifts in them instead of wrapping. It save a lot of time and grief...

 

I have always used the BPB style wrapping paper....brown-paper-bag. I curse the stores that put stuff in plastic bags. If you use the plastic bags, it generally takes 4 or five of them before there is enough to cover the gift well enough to not be able to see what it is thru the "wrapping". BPB provides good single-layer coverage!!!

Bows do help and add a bit of color. Also, for a bit more color, next time at the hardware store, pick up one of those little packages with 4-5 different small rolls of different colored duct tape duct tape. You can use those to add a touch of class instead of using the old stand-by grey duct tape to seal teh BPB.

 

two words
or is it one word?
tinfoil

tin foil
nice and shiny and looks good with one of those stick on bows that never seem to stick
merry christmas and happy holidays all

 

Well I worked the firestation yesterday giving me 24 hours to wrap 4 presents. All I got to say is that it is lucky someone called in sick for today adding another 24 hours of much needed time due to the fact I gave up yesterday and decided to let the wife wrap her own. As my luck will have it I am stuck here for another 24hrs today so I have completed 3 of the 4 and wish I would have read this post before I started yesterday...The last present is big and badly shaped so I am going with the king size Black hefty bag with 3 red and 3 green bows . Oh and a piece of extrication rope off the rescue truck to tie it shut.
Thanks and
Merry Christmas

 

is duct tape allowed?

 

i want to invent heat shrink wrapping paper, just pull it over the present, fire up a heat gun and presto!!!! perfect wrap every time. i would be laughing at bill gates money in just a couple christmasses, not to mention b-days and anniverseries lol

 

I am very fortunate I quess. Over 20 years I have worked very hard in lowering the expectations of the 'better-half' and, I believe have done a decent job. Anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, etc. are now adequately covered with a store bought card, anything else and I went above and beyond. This Christmas, she has wonderfully purchased and wrapped all the gifts, even for MY family. When talking of this, I asked if she could buy some stuff for herself - "I already did!". "Great, could you wrap them up, throw a bow on, and put your name on it too?". After a slightly awkward glare I received the response I desired - 'sure'. Warning: do not try this at home - this is for the 'professional' only. As stated it took many years to get to this advanced stage - I am not about to ruin all that hard work with a short-term lack of better judgement.
Merry Christmas everyone!!!

 

If you could somehow incorporate a motor, or gunpowder, in wrapping, men would be into it. Why not some kind of 'wrapping gun' that you just aim at the package, and BLAMMO! All wrapped! Maybe sorta like paint ball guns in festive holiday colors...

 

Big time. I go to the dollar store and get as many as I need. I think they look much cooler than gift wrap, and we can reuse them.

 

I don't have much patience to wrap