Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once
again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The
Darwin's are awarded every year to the persons who
died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing
themselves from the gene pool. This year's nine
nominees are:

Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An
unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break
a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot
himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a
hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34,
(a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he
was trying to repair what police describe as a
"farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the
truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that
he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise.
Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the
other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles
Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in
December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a
ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the
phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special,
which discharged when he drew it to his ear. (For
whatever reason, residents of Southern states always
seem to figure prominently among the Darwin
nominees.)

Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer
demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown
Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his
shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police
spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard
of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday
evening as he was explaining the strength of the
building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy
previously has conducted demonstrations of window
strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson,
managing partner of the firm Holden Day, told the
Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best
and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
(Nice to see another Canadian province getting into
the awards.... The Maritimes always have been heavily
involved.)

Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]: A terrible
diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed
for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas
emissions. There was no mark on his body, and an
autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his
system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and
cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just
the right combination of foods. It appears that the
man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous
cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been
outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't
have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his nearly
airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a
big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly
gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was
hospitalized.

Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]: Michael
Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously.
He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's
electric chair on a murder conviction before having
his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting
on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his
small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
(South Carolina entrants are always perennial
favorites.)

Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette
lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in
Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette
lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was
killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his
face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David
Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at
about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning
a 54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing
properly. He was using the lighter to look into the
barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man
cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his
condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped
and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55,
was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident
occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel
Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and
he went over the balcony," Honer said. (Another
Ontario entry.... I wonder if people are moving there
from the Maritime Provinces.)



Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck
left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on
State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy
Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after
midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and
Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning
to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an overcast
Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck headlights
malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the
headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned
out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis
noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol
fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the
steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the
headlights again began to operate properly, and the
two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River
Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles, and
just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently
overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the
*********.

The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the
pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only
minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will
require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his
*********, which will never operate as intended.
Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and
released.

"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston
shot his ***** off, or we might both be dead," stated
Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part
of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't
believe that those two would admit how this accident
happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the
wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the
boys had caught and did anyone get them from the
truck???

(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of
their misadventure as normally required by Darwin
Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole DID,
in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)

 

While hilarious, I think these are old because I've read them a few times before... got any more?

 

ive heard those before but its always good reading

 

Love the Darwin Awards. Very clever ways to remove thyself from the gene pool.

 

and how many are actually true?

I could have sworn I saw a tv show similar to "mythbusters" that disclaimed that that the bullet thing could even happen.

 

it was mythbusters i belive,i remember seeing that as well

 

Mythbusters did the window one and the bullet fuse one. Both were busted.

 

Here's an oldie, but a goodie - CLASSIC! In fact...

Accident Report
This one needs an introduction, so you won't be lost at the beginning. This man was in an accident at work, so he filled out an insurance claim. The insurance company contacted him and asked for more information. This was his response:

"I am writing in response to your request for additional information, for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient. I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80-foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now unneeded tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using the pulley attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower. Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 300 pounds of tools."

"You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 155 pounds. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the
ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel."
"Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40-foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope..."

 

they tested that one on mythbusters also but proved this one correct. it was pretty funny!! buster their crash test dummy did the exact same thing as discribed.